Am I the only asexual who doesn’t like the feeling of orgasming?

For me it is I find sex boring as to why I don’t have sex and don’t get how people find it fun and interesting.

…and then the title of this post. So no to masterbating as well.

https://redd.it/1nfgcxz
@asexualityonreddit

Is this okay.

I'm in a relationship with an amazing attentive man, who treats me wonderfully. It's close to a year that we've been taking time to really get to know each other on an emotional level. I don't know how to feel about sex. I've never done it, no fantasies, zero thoughts about it, and half the time I recommend a movie and forget there's sex scenes in it. My man is an amazing partner,but sex worries me. Will he notice if I'm not completely into it? Is it wrong to try and enjoy it just to be closer to your partner and feel something from their happiness? Just can't wrap my brain around the idea of sex, but I love my partner. Thoughts?

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@asexualityonreddit

How do you explain yourself to people?



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I still don't understand what QPR means.

On Acespace, there is a row where you say if you want a QPR relationship. I saw that some people want marriage but don't want a QPR relationship and some people don't want marriage but want a QPR relationship, so like, what do they want? I googled it but am still confused. Please explain like i'm five, thanks!

https://redd.it/1nfpspa
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuality is NOT restricted by gender (Asexual gay man rant)

I was watching this YouTube video about who can be asexual earlier, and it just made me think about how often I still see people doubt that men can even be asexual. Especially if you're a sex-repulsed guy (which I am), people act like it’s impossible.

It always comes back to that stereotype that men are just inherently sexual beings, and if you’re not, then something must be “wrong” with you or you’re secretly something else. I even had someone recently say I was “just a closeted gay man.” Like… okay? The joke is on you, I’m a romantically gay asexual man. So yeah, try again.

Just wanted to share because it gets exhausting sometimes. It feels like ace men, especially sex-repulsed ones, are still invisible or just seen as "broken."



https://redd.it/1nft1ud
@asexualityonreddit

Other Ways to Connect with Partner?

This is all new to me and I just found this subreddit. I’ve recently been questioning that I may be somewhere on the ace spectrum for a bit now. Me and partner have been together for 3 years and are doing good, but I sometimes miss the emotional connection of having sex together. They don’t mind that I may be on the ace spectrum, but I think we both miss the connection part a little bit. I know there’s obviously other ways to connect so I was wondering if any of you guys also had feelings like this after coming out to your partner? And if so, what are some ideas for emotionally connecting with each other and being intimate without sex?
Thanks in advance! ☺️

https://redd.it/1nfqiha
@asexualityonreddit

Update: Garlic struggling, save the bread!
https://redd.it/1nfouwm
@asexualityonreddit

Relationship with expiry date

has anyone been in a relationship knowing you would break up one day because of incompatibility, and yet you still dated? i know it's not for everyone because who wants to waste their time knowing it will come to an end right? but i have seen some people in other contexts saying things like they're happy they experienced a relationship despite knowing it wouldn't last. for example summer flings or people from different beliefs who can't marry, or people with differing opinions about kids.

i am also personally of the belief that every experience and every relationship matters even if it has to come to an end.
LONG RANT BELOW BUT FEEL FREE TO SKIP IF YOU JUST WANT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION

i think i'll probably be doing a lot of this because of various issues. one being i'm asexual and i don't want to have sex, that's going to lead to incompatibility. i do understand this is something that needs to be communicated with your partner, but like the example i gave, what if i meet someone willing to be in a relationship for the short-term knowing we can't compromise on this?

i also don't want to get married because i grew up with a poor example of what marriage is. i see it as a way of trapping yourself into certain expectations and i don't know if i can ever trust a person to not manipulate these expectations to their advantage. of course i know not everyone is like this, but this is among the reasons i don't see the point of marriage. and clearly i have trust issues, another reason to not burden someone else with them.

another reason is i don't want kids either. i don't have much of a reason to need to start a family then.

lastly, i'm cupioromantic. i crave relationships but i can't fall in love. this makes me feel bad but i can't help the way i feel, knowing i can probably move on from a relationship easier than if i had fallen in love.

TLDR the way i see it, the only way i can be in a relationship with a person long-term is if they don't want sex, don't want to get married, don't want kids, can love me romantically enough for the both of us. i feel like i'm probably being a selfish pos but because i want a relationship despite my hang ups, a relationship with an expiry date is probably what will happen.
(i'm not too upset about this tbh because if i'm going around on a first few dates with people without ever settling down, i don't really lose out. just a rant + thoughts i had because i came across a post about relationships with expiry dates somewhere else and i have a friend who broke up because they have different religious beliefs)

https://redd.it/1nfwz25
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuality : what it is and why it matters, Bogaert
https://redd.it/1nfxff9
@asexualityonreddit

“they’re in a qpr”

I’ve noticed a common theme in fandom spaces where allo fans will post things that are clearly intended to be taken as romantic or sexual in nature about canonically aroace characters and whoever they ship them with (most recently I’ve noticed it’s Yelena and Bob from marvel), then when aro and/or ace people point out that Yelena has been confirmed to be aroace, the default defense is “oh that’s just about them being in a qpr!” Meanwhile the post in question mentions them kissing or fucking or is in some way very clearly not meant to be about a qpr.

I honestly don’t mind if you didn’t know she was aroace- those sorts of announcements don’t generally draw attention outside of the a-spec community- just say “whoops, didn’t realize she was aroace, sorry!” The allos claiming it’s a “qpr” like it’s a get out of jail free card are just assholes appropriating our language so they can keep shipping these characters without getting called out for being aphobic, even when the way they talk about and depict the relationship is indistinguishable from a romantic/sexual relationship. If it was a lesbian, those same fans would be up in arms to see posts indicating a sexual and romantic relationship with a man.

(This last paragraph is cause it was originally posted in the petpeeves sub but it got insta-deleted for being “political” so while I figure it’s not necessary here, I’m still including it because I’m right and I need to get it off my chest:)

And at the risk of preempting arguments I may not even receive, “aces can have sex,” “aros can be interested in romance,” and “qprs look different for everyone” are statements about real asexual and aromantic people, not fictional characters you want to see together regardless of their orientation. Allos claiming them as a defense are just another example of them stealing our language to suit their desires.

https://redd.it/1ng47l9
@asexualityonreddit

Seriously?
https://redd.it/1ng6t8h
@asexualityonreddit

Picked this up from the AO3 Memes sub. How true is this of Aces writing fanfics? Whitley Schnee from RWBY
https://redd.it/1ng7m6p
@asexualityonreddit

I don’t think I want a relationship

I’m in my early 20s. I think Im slowly and painfully coming to the realisation that I genuinely don’t want a relationship. I’m not attracted to anyone in that way. I don’t want to form a family or have kids. I was just scared of being “left out” or lonely so I kept lying to myself. I thought a relationship would solve my loneliness, but it’s not the kind of company I want.

What i DO want instead is lifelong friends, like a platonic life partner even. But I feel like people always place more importance on family/partners. And especially in my early 20s.. I’m scared if I DO start to make genuine friends, they will all just leave me for their partner. It all feels kind of bleak… I don’t know if what I want really is possible or if it’s just idealistic thinking

https://redd.it/1nga317
@asexualityonreddit

Dear r/Asexual,

It's nice to meet you all, I have a few questions and I'm hoping. You might be able to help me with them.

I (19m)have been dating my gf(18f) for coming up on 2 years now. Recently(as in last night) she shared with me that she thinks she may be asexual. Which I have no problem with I don't love her because of her body ya know. Not to say I wasn't a bit shocked for a bit though. But the point is I am doing my best to be supportive and do(/not do) whatever I can to make her most comfortable.

But today she seemed upset and is feeling really guilty, and when I asked why she said it was because she felt she was taking something from me. Everytime I've reconfirmed for her that she isn't and that isn't a quinticential part of our relationship. How can I help her not feel so guilty about it?

And before anyone asks i am not asexual, I just only really have eyes for her but don't want to do anything with her if she doesn't want to.

Thank you for your time any advice on what I can do to help her feel less guilty and like it's ok for that to be true would be greatly appreciated, thanks!!


https://redd.it/1ngchnr
@asexualityonreddit

Words are currently limited

Exploring attraction words (plural system thoughts)

Hi! Plural system here. We’ve been thinking about how sexuality only covers sexual attraction, while there are many other kinds of attraction that deserve their own words. We wanted to share some terms we’ve been experimenting with — curious to hear if these resonate with anyone else, or if you’ve seen alternatives.

Sexuality
For us, sexuality = sexual attraction only.
When asked about it, “grey-sexual” fits best. Anything beyond that feels like oversharing, except maybe romance type (since that’s a little more normalized).

Romanticality
Romantic attraction could be called someone’s romanticality.
Feels like a clearer way to separate it from sexuality.

Sensuality (repurposed)
We’d like to separate sensual attraction from sexual attraction.
Cuddling, closeness, touch — those can feel intimate and important without being sexual.

Aestheticality
Aesthetic attraction = someone’s aestheticality.

Emotionity

Emotionality was taken... still directly involved with what we call emotionity for emotional attraction.

Attractionality (umbrella term)
An umbrella for all these types of attraction (sexual, romantic, sensual, aesthetic, emotional, spiritual, etc.) could be attractionality.
It feels easier to describe the whole constellation this way.

Our own attractionality
We’re essentially a trans-punk system full of gender-punk-fluid who is a lesbian sensually, emotionally, aesthetically, spiritually, and in some other ways we don’t fully have words for yet — all toward feminine people.

It’s often easier to say what doesn’t attract us (skip if you wanna\~):

not into cis-men
not into facial hair (stubble does not count)
not into large male bottom parts
not into people with a constant masculine voices and expression, but there are exceptions
What still DOES attract us are people who are mostly physically feminine or non-masculine (in a hard to describe sense — muscles are still attractive) person with a constant deep voice and male attire
Guess what we are saying if you are feminine or are a bend in the right way, we are into you
People that can't hold nuance
people that don't accept and need to "understand" (any understanding is only a perspective)

Kinks and stuff
Some kinks or activities usually labeled “sexual” don’t feel sexual to us at all. That’s part of why we sit at “grey-sexual,” though we know not all grey-sexual people experience it this way.

What do you think?
Do these words work for you? Have you heard or used other terms for these types of attraction?

https://redd.it/1ngdl9d
@asexualityonreddit

Sexual married to asexual partner

I’ll be honest this isn’t a very nice post so I’ll apologize I just don’t know how to move forward .

My wife is romantic asexual , this is something she just truly accepted after 2 decades of continuous fighting and heart ache. I’ve painted myself as a victim of her low libido / sexuality for many years ; now however I’m trying to be understanding and be kind since I love her .However I don’t know how to deal with my own needs I cannot pretend I don’t need sex and connection through it .Needless to say I now know it’s not her fault but I feel so lost . I absolutely love her and our family but the resentment I feel for my 20 year lack of sexual intimacy and connection lays heavy in my heart.

I guess this is more of a rant , I’m old enough to make a decision ; just know that I’ve changed and I’m sorry for all of you who’s asexuality was treated like some kind of diseases , truly for me it came from ignorance because I can’t imagine a life with out sexual connection .

Anyway thank you and I hope you all find your happily ever after with someone who can love you as you are perfect .

https://redd.it/1ngggtw
@asexualityonreddit

So true
https://redd.it/1ngf0o9
@asexualityonreddit

😭:r/aaaaaaacccccccce...
https://redd.it/1nghsyj
@asexualityonreddit

Ya'll am I cooked?

My parents are homophobic and transphobic. They think being gay is a choice, they think that trans people are mentally ill, they are anti-vaxers, my mom thinks that vaccines "enhance autism," and they are becoming more Christian by the day. My mom also told me that I can't have autism because I'm "too smart," but that's a story for another day.

Meanwhile, I, their daughter, am probably autistic, probably have ADHD, a god-hating atheist, and asexual. Half of my friends are trans, autistic, gender questioning, or all 3. And lastly, on Oct. 4, I'm secretly going to a gay pride event at a church with my best friend whose parents are way better than mine.

My question is this: If I ever told my parents I was ace, would I be cooked?

Edit: Thank you for all the support. It's really helped me have more confidence in myself. Also, ya'll ain't saying I'm cooked, ya'll saying I'm deep-fried, dipped in chocolate, with rainbow sprinkles on top.

https://redd.it/1ngeobh
@asexualityonreddit

this is for my sex repulsed folks out there
https://redd.it/1nghz1u
@asexualityonreddit