US-based & 18+? Participate in research on sexual and romantic needs 🧠

Hey everyone — posting this study with mod approval 🙏

I am part of a team of NYU researchers (led by Dr. Zhana Vrangalova) that is running an IRB-approved, confidential online survey exploring **people’s sexual and romantic needs** and how they shape thriving across different relational lifestyles.

Specifically, we're developing new valid, comprehensive measures of **these needs.** To map out their full spectrum, we need a large and **diverse group of participants** from a wide range of sexual and relational experiences to contribute their perspective. *If you're human and can thoughtfully reflect and report on your sexual and romantic needs, we want your voice in there.*

**Eligibility:**

* 18 or older
* Currently residing in the US
* Fluent in English

Depending on the number of sections you choose to complete, the survey takes between **40-60 minutes** on average (\~**400-700 mostly multiple-choice questions** about how you think and feel when it comes to sex and romance)**.**

There is **no direct compensation** for participating, but many report **benefits from the reflections** it offers.

If you’d like, you can also enter a **raffle for one of 150 × $20 Amazon gift cards** (awarded after the survey closes).

👉[ **TAKE THE SURVEY HERE** ](https://nyu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7OphTMSQeQVjjWS)

(*Can be completed in multiple sessions.)*

**Deadline** to complete: **December 31**, **2025**.

*Know others who might be interested in helping with this research project?* ***Please share the survey info and link*** *with them!*

Any questions or feedback, comment here or email Dr. Zhana directly at zhana.v@nyu.edu.

Thank you for helping advance relationship science ❤️


https://redd.it/1pngk5u
@asexualityonreddit

Dating as asexual makes me feel like an alien

I know dating when you’re part of any sexual minority can be super challenging, but I feel like as asexual it’s just… even more difficult. So many people even from other minorities view sex as such a fundamental part of romantic relationships they simply can’t fathom going celibate – which I completely respect, but it does make me feel a bit hopeless. I'm sex averse, heteroromantic and monogamous, which does feel like a pretty unlucky combo.

I keep seeing comments like “you should date another asexual, or find a low-libido allo who doesn’t care about sex!” And I always chuckle at those comments because, yes, in theory that’s exactly what I should do. But in practice that’s near impossible. I’ve been trying, trust me! But the dating pool is so tiny it’s barely there, and I live in a small country with no asexual community on top of that. I honestly feel like an alien whenever I try to date.

I’m about to turn 28, I’ve been active on dating apps and ace dating sites since I was 20. The few asexual men I’ve talked to have been half the world away and we’ve had nothing in common anyway. And out of all the allo men… well, none have been fine going celibate. I’ve gone on ONE date in my entire life. I’ve been asked out a couple of times by irl friends, but when I’ve mentioned my asexuality they back away immediately.

The thought of growing old alone without ever finding a partner is honestly heartbreaking to me. I am a very romantic person and I have so much love to give. Yes, friends and family are great but they just don’t fill that specific hole.

I’m always very clear about my sexuality and my boundaries, and I know I never have to have sex if I don’t want to. But I just feel like that’s costing me the possibility of finding a partner.

Anyway, rant over I suppose. Just felt like venting, if anyone can relate or vent together I'm always here lol

https://redd.it/1pnpjap
@asexualityonreddit

As a man, I got tired of making friends with women out of ulterior motives from when i was a teenager and instead decided to deconstruct amatonormativity as well as heteronormativity

It's such a blessing

i don't have to deal with the pressure and anxiety of "will they" or "won't they" anymore

i don't have to deal with self-pity or process my emotional pain as hatred against others like i used to

i can instead just accept people for who they are. No matter the circumstances

My connections have been deep and meaningful in the past couple years because of this

I understand split attraction. I understand amatonormativity. i understand heteronormativity

And my perspective of life have been altered entirely in ways that wouldn't be the case otherwise

https://redd.it/1pnvw02
@asexualityonreddit

TV shows using the word "asexual" as an insult or some kind of a derogatory word, in 2025.

https://redd.it/1pnxd7a
@asexualityonreddit

I have been assuming I’m asexual since age 12 but people are hard on me in college

I (18M) believe I am asexual, at least quite asexual leaning on that spectrum. I am a first year college student, meaning all my friends are obsessive over the obvious. They tell me I am missing out on so much - but I feel it’s a waste of time. I don’t get warm feelings when I see someone deemed attractive to general public, so I don’t need to waste my time on chasing what others do, yet I’m not sure if I’m truly asexual or not. I know sexuality is a spectrum but I really wish it was a lot more simple. Is there like a list of questions I could go through to figure out if I am asexual or not? I have no idea really, just also want others to understand that I don’t chase the same things they do?

https://redd.it/1pny17u
@asexualityonreddit

My libido dropped at 16. It now has completely died. I still don't know if I'm ace

I'm 22F and am so cooked. Since 16 I've been on and off and I really need some idea of what I am.

I was lesbian first as a kid, then it started changing with puberty and I started liking guys as well. I was super horny as a younger teenager but around 16, I felt a major personality shift and my interests changed. What I didn't know was that I also lost any and possibly all interest in people I see in real life. I harbored crushes here and there for celebrities. yadda yadda. I read erotica here and there and that was nice and all but any sexual contact I've attempted ended in me getting severely upset.

There are small moments where I'll think I like someone but it never crosses my mind to ever touch them like that. It grosses me out and feels disrespectful ngl. At the same time, I still read erotica (???) but don't really feel like I read it in the way others watch porn to get off. I don't know what the hell to call this. But I also feel disgusting if others show any attraction to me.

I also can't help but see sex as time-wasting, unproductive, inefficient, and a lazy thing to do. Sometimes it almost feels like a crime. I just feel like a hypocrite as I'll also read erotica. I didn't even realize that I barely felt any attraction recently until I got a short burst of libido and excitement, then that ended quickly in disgust/shame. My friends say I'm not asexual, but then what the hell is this?

https://redd.it/1pnyfu5
@asexualityonreddit

national geographic

i think sex is great. in concept.

i dont mind talking about it, i know a ton of facts (about everything not just sex but im pretty open)


i think its funny as hell - i sound like a middle school boy with the kinds of jokes i make (always with well-known people i wouldnt want anyone to be uncomfortable)



almost every show ive watched me and my friends would be the "hottest one". ive had a fantasy crushes on tv and anime characters.


ive had sexual fantasies, and dreams. i masturbate often and occasionally consume erotica.



but i dont really like to be touched. sex makes me kinda nervous and blank and the only way i cant meaningfully participate its by turning into an episode of national geographic



like i can hear David Attenborough explaining everyone's action.


"here we can see a fine example of human socializing as this young strong male as attracted two females. "

...


it was my first time and a threesome

i was 19 and feeling being left behind and went of a journey to lose my virginity with a friend of mine.

i was curious and feeling out of sync with the people i knew.

after, i was rather disappointed: it wasn't the mind-blowing, life altering moment i thought it would be.

ive known people who ruined their lives, cheating on their partners, screwing managers choosing boyfriends over their children. and i always assumed that sex was just .... AMAZING!! that it had a magical life ruining potential. and that once i had it i would finally understand and it just wasn't worth all that.




i was explaining this to a friend that : i think sex is a great concept, very funny, very important to society as a whole, that i understand that it feel good but that id never really wanted to participate,

and that when i do i feel like im reading off a list in my head, like im far away from my body watching the whole situation - narrating it like its an episode of national geographic.


they suggested i might be a variant of asexual.

i really dont mind having sex if it makes other people happy but i don't really like being touched in general, and sex is never my goal or endline. i honestly try to avoid as much as i can - its a big reason i dont have a s.o.

i get aroused. i have sexual fantasies and think people are attractive but i dont want them, its just like a fact. but i would rather touch myself then have sex with another person


i do like making people happy and i like knowing that people find me attractive


i dont even know why im writing this. just not sure what it all means. its a complex label for a complex identity.

if i am asexual is there a way to make me better at experiencing sex. i dont want to be left out.

https://redd.it/1pnzog0
@asexualityonreddit

Help me figure this out

I identify as heteromantic asexual. I went on antidepressants at 17, but I don't ever recall being sexually interested in anyone before then either.

I struggle very much with dating. I haven't since high school. My friends tell me I have the looks and charisma. They are confused when I tell them how much I struggle with it. I feel like I have every other box in my life checked off. I have a functional life where I am content. I am pursuing a degree. I am good at talking to people and have a lot of friends and intimate emotional bonds. I have more hobbies than fingers. I just can't find anybody to get into a realistic, sustainable relationship with.


I have a friend who I have over sometimes to hang out at my apartment. I suspect they are interested in me romantically, and I am, honestly, interested in them too, but they aren't asexual so I have to shut it down before it starts. We just aren't compatible. It makes me very sad. The last time he was over, I had a little ace flag out prominently that I know he saw. They said they were hoping to come over again. I'm scared that they will want to start a relationship with me but we will be sexually incompatible and it will end in six months. I turn down everyone who hits on me because of this or just because I'm not interested. I might also be on the aromantic spectrum. I don't tend to be romantically attracted to people I've just met. Who the hell knows.


I am also generally neutral-averse to touch, even platonically. Sex feels unthinkable and frankly horrifying. I have no interest in sexual nudity or genetalia, let alone contact with any of it. It is not what I want my body to be involved in. I don't think I'd be able to force it do not plan on doing so. Being in a relationship where my partner is hooking up extraneously doesn't feel good either.

The point of a relationship is to be reciprocal, but I can't give. I know there isn't really much to be done here, but I need a shoulder to lean on. I need to feel like I'm not alone in this. I fear this is contributing to me being emotionally "blocked up".

https://redd.it/1po4h2p
@asexualityonreddit

Feelings after having sex

So, I don’t experience sexual attraction as far as I know. But sex is an option, so I say yes, and I enjoy and have fun while it’s happening. But after I feel icky, and kinda guilty. This feeling doesn’t last too long, maybe a day or so. I just kinda remind myself that people have sex, it’s normal, it’s fun. And I always know I’ll do it again, because I do enjoy sex while I’m doing it, it’s just the feelings after that suck. Anyone else?

I’ve never really quite called myself either ace or allo. I’m like somewhere in between, grey sexual I think? And that’s really hard for me to explain to people in my life. So I’ve come up with an analogy that helps explain to people. You’re not hungry, but there’s pie. Pie is sex here, hunger would be sexual attraction. You do like pie, and it’s there so you have some. And while you’re eating your pie you enjoy it because it’s pie, you like pie. But after, you’re uncomfortably full, because well, you weren’t hungry. After the initial guilt fades away, and there’s always guilt, you realize it’s fine people eat pie all the time, and kinda talk yourself down from the feelings. And you know you’ll do it again, because pie is good. But you always feel slightly bad after, because you weren’t hungry.



https://redd.it/1po8gq9
@asexualityonreddit

How did you discover that you were asexual?



https://redd.it/1po6xjt
@asexualityonreddit

Considering ending my relationship with an allo partner

It hurts me so much, because I love them more than anything. We’ve been together 2 years, and at the beginning of our relationship I had suspicions that I was aroace but had difficulty understanding and accepting it (still struggling with the acceptance part, but trying to work on it)

I find almost all intimate and sexual activity uncomfortable and repulsive, however I have always pushed myself to withstand it for my partner. It upsets them because they wish I could also enjoy it with them, but to me it’s more of an endurance test than anything else, to see how much I can take before flinching away because I really, really don’t like it. Having any kind of enjoyment during it is unfathomable to me.

When the relationship started, I had the mindset that even if I don’t enjoy it, I might be able to grow more comfortable with it so I can at least do the minimum to keep them satisfied, without it being a big deal for me. But after two years there has been no change, I always find it disgusting. I’ve tried all sorts of conditioning to try and change my mindset, but nothing works.

My partner often makes comments that they are unfulfilled sexually, and it has caused me considerable grief and guilt, so I started working on my mental health, and have now been trying to work on accepting my asexuality as it does not seem likely to change. However now it has faced me with the ultimatum that if I am to truly love and accept myself, this relationship might not be possible for us.

I cried even at considering this option. I love them with all my heart. I want to spend my life with them. But they want what I cannot give them, and it is crippling me. Has anyone been in a situation like this where they were able to make it work?

https://redd.it/1po9whh
@asexualityonreddit

Guys check out my only fans
https://redd.it/1pod4m7
@asexualityonreddit

Ace pride winter wallpaper - free download
https://redd.it/1pob12e
@asexualityonreddit

My wife is hypersexual and im asexual

My wife told me when we firat got together if we never had sex she would be happy. Now shes changed it and says she needs it multiple times a day every single day or she feels unloved/undesirable and becomes 'distant' (which just means padsive agressive). Ive tried explaining to her im sex replused with no sex drive but she is convimced that sex drive is just a myth made up by younger generations because theyre incapable of feeling unconditional love like older generations. Advice?

https://redd.it/1pocq34
@asexualityonreddit

my parents threw my garlic bread in the bin 😖

very sad story guys. i had garlic bread last night with my dinner but i didn't get to eat it in time because i had to leave for kickboxing so i put it in the microwave. as we know us asexuals deeply love our garlic bread. i woke up this morning, check in the microwave, garlic bread gone!!! my dad threw it in the bin. im in a process of mourning now and will strictly be wearing only black for the next 4 years.

https://redd.it/1po2ejb
@asexualityonreddit

I (21F) am starting to date someone (20F) who thinks may be asexual

Hello.
I — 21F lesbian
Her — 20F bisexual
We met about two months ago and we really like each other and i am going to ask her to officially be my gf soon.

Her background is very complext and has diagnosed BPD and CPTSD. I am a nursing student and im capable of understanding these disorders + she is very open and comunicates a lot with me. She is the first girl in years that i am interested in romantically

She has told me that she may be asexual, she has been sexually active with other partners in the past. She was red in past relationships and forced to be intimate. She has expressed to me that she thinks she is now asexual because of this, but she is also taking medication which also lowers her libido.

We did try being intimate once (didn't force her of course, it just went escalating) — we kissed for over an hour and everything was okay with her, but once i went down on her, everything was okay but after about only 5 minutes she started slamming the bed and i immediately got worried, stoped and she started crying saying that she's sorry and that its not my fault, i reassured her saying it didnt matter and that i wasn't annoyed. I offered her if she wanted to put our clothes back on and just talk or go to sleep. She kept saying that she is sorry and i tried my best to let her know everything was okay.

I am allosexual (just discovered this word by searching through reddit threads).

I have recently asked her why when we kiss it is only small pecs and she told me that she is scared that if the kisses are more intimate that i will want to have sexual intercourse with her and i have told her that i like kissing her and that i could be kissing her for hours without the need of anything more. She told me that she really wants to believe me but something on the back of her head tells her that i am lying because of past experiences.

I am okay with not having sex for long periods of time but i want her to feel comfortable enough to talk about her do's and don'ts wihe me but i dont know how to start this conversation as i really want to try to have a stable relationship with her even if it means that we will have little-no sex. Thats why i am asking in this community

Thank you for reading and ill be reading the replies

Sorry if its a bit messy, english isnt my first language

https://redd.it/1poi5yv
@asexualityonreddit

Aroace flag in the wild
https://redd.it/1poiokw
@asexualityonreddit

I have no ace friends, I would like a friend who relates to me on that level

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, please remove if not allowed, I'm a graysexual person (minor) and while I am surrounded with queer people, they mostly don't seem to even understand asexuality at all, and I feel kind of alone in this situation. And that's literally it, I just need someone who understands this

https://redd.it/1po7u5p
@asexualityonreddit