Questions?

So…..is the requirement to be asexual not feeling sexual attraction to anyone? Like in my case….i think my boyfriend is attractive but I don’t like sex. Not because of him, though. Like I can't think of a single time I've had sex with ANYONE and actually enjoyed it. It's all been performative. I do like masturbating though. Could this be asexual or something else all together?

https://redd.it/1o4py9n
@asexualityonreddit

Does anyone else find people recommending you to get pets infuriating?

I've confided in close friends about the toll of being asexual, the loneliness and the touch starvation and the crushing reality that if you want to be with someone then it is 100 times harder and the majority of people wouldn't even consider you.

Their advice was to get a pet?! I know they mean well but I almost lost it with them. I don't want a pet, I want to be good enough for people to even consider giving me a chance. I want human affection.

https://redd.it/1o4sv9c
@asexualityonreddit

What really counts as asexuality? Is it an umbrella term or not?

I don’t usually make posts or ask questions, but there’s something that’s been bothering me a bit, and I really need to ask.

So, asexuality is defined as not feeling sexual attraction toward anyone, ever, right? I have a doubt.
I found another sub where “total asexuality” was basically treated as what being truly asexual means — and that any slightest desire or interest would mean you’re not ace.
I’m not sure if they’re referring to libido or sexual attraction, because they seem more sex-repulsed than anything else.

One of their points was that asexuality shouldn’t be considered an umbrella term — that the real umbrella term should be graysexual, because that one allows for fluctuation, allows for feeling desire maybe once in your life, allows you to enjoy erotic content or sex itself, allows you to say sex just doesn’t matter to you, or that you’d be willing to have it for some reason.

So… what is asexuality? Is it an umbrella or not?
I don’t want to misunderstand or mislabel myself (or someone else), but I honestly don’t know which definition to trust anymore.

For context: I personally don’t think labels should be treated as strict rules.
As long as a label feels right and represents you well enough, you should be free to use it.

https://redd.it/1o4u71y
@asexualityonreddit

How do I know if I’m ace or anything

Idk I’m trying to figure out what I am because it’s weird im gay for the most part but the times I have done stuff (with others) it doesn’t feel like anything special it’s like nice and cool it’s happing but that’s it nothing feels how I feel it should and I havnt really had a crush on anyone either like there’s people who like I wouldn’t mind dating over others but that’s it and it’s annoying bc I’m also not even sure what I’m attracted to I use to think I may have been Demi but I’m not even fully sure what that is so I just say I’m gay bc it’s easiest but it’s annoying bc I don’t know what I am I could be just gay I just have no clue and not sure if this is how I should be feeling about it all. If anyone has any knowledge/idea on anything I’m all ears.

https://redd.it/1o4xita
@asexualityonreddit

I hate being asexual

I hate it so much.

I don’t want to have sex I just don’t care for it.

But I also feel like I’ll never find my dream Butch; Dyke Lesbian woman because it seems like every one of them wants sex. Like no. I just want a raw unadulterated pure butch that doesn’t do sex, doesn’t have friends, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke and can fit my needs as well as all else due to how my body reacts and I have mild autism. I’m friendless too so no worries on that front.

Gaaaahshshehrndhdhdjfjfjdjxjfjdjfjfnfndbdbvshdh

https://redd.it/1o4x371
@asexualityonreddit

Hypersexual asexuals — do they exist?

I'm 18F and due to past sexual trauma I developed hypersexuality in my early teen years. I have the usual package of uncontrollable sexual fantasies and urges that frequently impact my life on the daily basis, but the thought of actually having sex with someone in real life repulses the hell out of me. I can think about and enjoy the thought of having sex with someone, but if you offered me 1 billion to do it with them in person I'd take a hard pass. And here is where my confusion lies. Am I actually asexual or just secretly repulsed by my own thoughts? Can hypersexuality and asexuality exist at the same time or is there another label for a sex-repulsed hypersexual?

https://redd.it/1o4y21m
@asexualityonreddit

am i asexual or was i just doing something wrong?

burner account for privacy

Me (16f) and my boyfriend (16m) have been dating for about 6 months and decided we both consented to under the clothes stuff. It started of with mostly just rubbing and touching then got to full fingering. Every time he rubs or fingers it feels good but 30ish seconds later it’s like a switch flipped and it gets very uncomfortable. I ask my boyfriend to stop and he very quickly stops and we started cuddling. Today he asked me what was wrong and if he was doing anything wrong and i said i wasn’t sure. This also happens sometimes when we are making out and the feeling of kissing randomly makes me feel sick and my boyfriend is always respectful and stops when i ask. I am slightly on the spectrum (i only say this because im not sure if it connects or not) and some feelings and textures really make me uncomfortable.

could this just be my autism or am i asexual or were we just doing something wrong?

https://redd.it/1o52i53
@asexualityonreddit

so many questions

Okay apparently people actually think about sex. As a senior in hs I thought this was something I'd grow into and apparently everyone's already grown into it and I have not. I keep having people telling me I'm secretly gay/queerbaiting because I'm looking at all women's schools for college- I'm not into women, I just figured I wouldn't be doing any fucking anyway so why does it matter where I go. But what if I actually am just a late bloomer and do want to have sex at some point I'll be straight and at an all women's school!??! wtf is going on. people actually think about sex. people actually masturbate. what. guys help am I ace or just innocent minded?? the worst part is I have a boyfriend of 2+ years and this has NEVER come up i just figured nobody was thinking about it 😭 someone help.

https://redd.it/1o57wv3
@asexualityonreddit

I just finally allowed myself to admit that I am asexual and that it is OK to be that way 🙂

I have been struggling with a flawed view of a whole bunch of things for quite a long time. Around 17 years to be more precise. I always told myself that I was bisexual and that that was totally fine and normal, which is soooo hypocritical because as I am saying that that sexual orientation is totally normal I am lying to myself because I really do know deep down that I'm not bisexual.. I'm not straight or pan ot whatever. I don't want to have sex, its not something I crave or need or think about, at least in a way that would be considered... not normal because this is who I'm supposed to he and that is the definition of normal. But typical. I watch porn frequently, but I don't do it because it arouses me or because I want to do things with the people in it, its just fun, its entertaining and fun to watch
I like watching the people in it because they seem so happy and like they're having such a great time and that makes me happy. I love seeing and especially love making peope happy. imo thats the best feeling on earth, and it turns out that I'm very good at making people horny and making them orgasm with words, thats pretty much what I considery my sexual side if you csn call it that. Because I never ask for them to do anything for me in return, I don't want anything from them but to help them feel good and have fun, I don't find it arousing or think of it ad a sexual act its more of an emotional experience for me. I just get so much joy from helping people feel good and wanted and letting them explore their desires with someone who doesn't need or require them to be anytjing but themselves and to just have fun. It feels good to actually feel comfortable admiring that, mostly to myself. Because for some reason I always viewed all sexual orientations as totally normal except my own. I thought I must be broken or sick or crazy because its not normal to not want to have sex, I'm a man and I'm supposed to want to do it all the time.. but I am finally in a place in my life where I am comfortable in saying I really just don't want to. Its not a bad thing, it doesn't hurt or cause me any sort of discomfort. Its not an aversion or an inability Its just a lack of desire, a total absence of a sex drive. I did have sex in high school and it did feel good but so do soooo many other things that I also don't think about or crave. I don't have an insatiable lust to ride roller coasters, or a maddening desire to feel a cool breeze on a hot day. All those things feel nice and they're good but I don't need them and its ok that I don't even really think about them unless I'm in a situation where they are involved already.. its ok to be asexual its normal because its who I really am. What wasn't normal was forcing myself to be sexually active because I for some reason thought I was just broken and it made less of a man and I needed to fix it. I'm not broken I'm just different and it feels so nice to actually be able to belive that for once in my life and to not feel embarrassed that I haven't had sex in like decades, and I sometimes do masturbate but like maybe once or twice ever few years lol and thats totally fine and thats normal for me and I'm not broken I'm working as intended and it feels great 😁

Sorry for the text assault I just had to explain it to anyone. I think mostly for myself to hear tbh but I'm also excited to talk to people who feel similarly!

https://redd.it/1o5ajec
@asexualityonreddit

Comic: How I discovered I'm asexual

https://redd.it/1o5bx8m
@asexualityonreddit