How do I reassure my partner?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Asexual/comments/1o3mbh5/i_need_help_understanding_asexuality/niwahnb/

https://redd.it/1o3ssb0
@asexualityonreddit

How common is a "competence kink" among aces?

I become more than awestruck, I just can't help but be like "Omg that's hot"... It’s just natural for me and seems to be one of the few times my repulsion gets overridden... How common is this in our community?

I’m about as sex-repulsed as they come, but I’ve noticed something odd: when I see someone being really good at something, my brain short-circuits.

It could be Apollo Robbins and his sleight of hand (I had a huge crush on a fictional thief once, so that first photo of him is — woof), Sonic smirking while running backwards, a seasoned Halo player landing an impossible plasma-grenade throw, a bass singer hitting those deliciously low notes, or my husband twirling his cane like a sword thanks to his old warrior training.

Every time, I go from impressed to "oh no, that’s hot" before I can stop myself. It’s not sexual in the usual sense — just this visceral awe that overrides my repulsion for a second.

So I’m curious: how common is that kind of “competence kink” in the ace community? Do any of you get that same spark from skill or mastery?

https://redd.it/1o3tddr
@asexualityonreddit

Obvious signs you missed before realising you are asexual

I came to conclusion this year that I am asexual, something I have been assuming for years but always pushed back the thoughts. After finally accepting it I realised there have been signs that I fully ignored. Like when I told my friend I don't think sex is important in a relationship and he reacted as if it was one of the most shocking things I have said throughout our 7 years of friendship.

I am curious to know if you had any obvious signs that you ignored for years until you realised you are asexual.

https://redd.it/1o3v2nq
@asexualityonreddit

Am I asexual?

Or is it related to being a prude or something? I find it shocking and feel uncomfortable if there’s anything around sex. Watching it in movies, listening to anything around it, reading it. Even teens are so comfortable with it, but not me! Idk what kind of mental problem is it!

I am a grown adult and feel bad for being a virgin, but when growing up, sex or a relationship were never a priority for me. I even used to believe in my teens that people around me are making up stuff and nobody is making out/having sex or doing anything. But as I grew up, I realized it was all true, and I was wrong and in denial. 

Sexual acts are too shocking for me. I sometimes find them degrading or otherwise dishonest, but I don’t find cuddling or hugs like that. I don’t know what I want or don’t want, but I definitely don’t fit in with most people out there, and it makes me feel so weird!

https://redd.it/1o3ybxe
@asexualityonreddit

Told someone I'm an asexual, they stopped talking to me

Not sure if this counts in aphobia or not, but I wanted to share this story for all to see, because this is the first time something like this has happened lol.

Im new to reddit honestly, I downloaded it last year, but really started being active on it now. Now someone messaged me randomly (this was the 2nd time, I had not really tallked to the first person, but I just lowkey didn't care lol) and from the start they were flirty, they asked me what I was doing, I told them I was going to sleep, and they said 'without me?' and I was already put off. But, considering I hadn't told them anything about myself, so I had it coming.

They told me they were from Ph, and specificied it's not 'pornhub' jokingly, and I told them I wouldn't have assumed it either way as I'm an ace (I didn't say asexual, just ace) They didn't put mind to it

Few days later, they asked me about my interests, I told them all my interests, movies, books, Animation etc. and they asked me if I was interested in Anime, being the nerd I am, I told them I was hella interested in it, and their reply was "even hentai? Lol" and I told them "no, I'm an asexual, so definitely not" and they legit started tweaking.

They first told me I was making it up. I said why would I be making it up, and they said I would've told him before if I was uncomfortable with such convos. I told them that I DID, during the time of the pH Convo. And they were like "ohhh, I thought you meant that as in game or smth", I cleared up the doubt, and we ended the conversation on a good note, as I thought.

But after that, almost 0 messages have come up from the guy. It's as if my orientation just absolutely killed everything. If anything I found them interesting, they had some pretty common interests, and I lowkey thought we were friends (considering I'm not really interested in online relationships), but clearly all of it changed lol. They weren't close to me, so I really couldn't care less, but my first encounter with a person who straight up lost interest in conversing, even while we had literally just talked online, it's really WEIRD, if you get me.

But honestly, who cares lmfao, if anyone in future who takes any sort of interest in me and is straight up repulsed by only my orientation, I'd rather not interact with them

Peace y'all ✌️

https://redd.it/1o40gs8
@asexualityonreddit

Someone who dislikes the queer community for including "cishet" people

https://redd.it/1o41u09
@asexualityonreddit

If you’re coming out today

If you choose to come out today I wish you nothing but acceptance and peace. If you come out and have a negative experience, try to remember as a community we are all here for you.

Please be safe and only come out if you have a safe space to go too

💜💜💜

https://redd.it/1o45sgu
@asexualityonreddit

Need some help figuring things out

Im 21 and until now I never experienced sexual attracted to people, I did have some experiences with both men and women but all of them happened at parties and/or after a night out but nothing more then kissing and touching with clothes on. I never initiate I always just find myself doing it as a "eh why not I have nothing better to do rn anyway" so I had considered myself on the asexul spectrum. But I have been in a relationship with someone for an year now ( told them about my sexualty and they are fine with it) and I for the past months find myself think about doing stuff with them. Told them that and we tried and well I felt like a stone sitting there, my mind fully went somewhere else. Now I feel a bit lost because I still enjoying kissing them I do like them having their hands on my waist/neck and I do get aroused by our make out session( even if sometimes I also zone out of those too) and I still find them attractive. Sooo am I just allo and sex repulsive, or is this a flavor of asexul that I dont know?

https://redd.it/1o48fc2
@asexualityonreddit

May be the most ace tweet I have seen😂
https://redd.it/1o48ojb
@asexualityonreddit

Beats s3x anyway of the week

https://redd.it/1o47fmx
@asexualityonreddit

How do you feel about dying a virgin?

So I'm still unsure if I'm Asexual or just straight, I'm probably just Graysexual but I don't know.

Vaginas and Nipples don't really turn me on, but I'm attracted to women, it's like I'm attracted to women but I don't want to have sex with them.

I turned 29 today and I'm still a virgin, it's not out of being awkward or antisocial, I've had female friends and I've had women have a crush on me but personally I just have no incentive to have sex with them.

For me in my ideal circumstance we just fall asleep spooning. Part of me would like to say yeah I've had sex in the same way I liked saying I've smoked weed or been to Paris etc. but to be honest I don't really want to have sex...

I feel like it would be awkward and I feel like I would be really insecure and as I said earlier vaginas/naked women don't really do anything for me.

If it ever happened I wouldn't say no but I just have no desire to do it, that being said I would be open to having kids.

I don't know sex has always been weird for me, I never watched porn when all my friends were but I would... You know over some random fully clothed character in a TV show.

https://redd.it/1o483bv
@asexualityonreddit

Anyone here from Southeast or East Asia??

I noticed that the community are mostly based in the US or Europe. Wanted to know if there’s any fellow southeast/ east asia here to connect??

https://redd.it/1o4djh8
@asexualityonreddit

I'm lost (mainly venting)

Every day, I wake up, get ready, put on a mask and get into work. I pretend like I'm the happiest person because I know they need the positivity. When I meet with friends, I put on a brave face and a smile because I'm supposed to be the funny and cheerful one. I spread happiness and positivity as much as I can and I love it. But behind it all, I'm suffering in silence.

While they all go on dates, meet people, I'm the one they come to for (dating) advice and everything that comes with it. But in the end, I'm the one who's alone and I don't think that's ever going to change.

I can't talk to anyone about it all, because everytime I broke that image of myself and asked for help, or when they just found out I need some the support I've been giving them too, they left.
I tried therapy multiple times, it always only ever made things worse. My last hug was years ago, so long that I dont even know what it feels like anymore. Every night, I get into bed and pretend I'm someone else until I fall asleep, because it's the only way I can calm.

I'm lost and I just have this knowing feeling that I don't deserve the happiness that I'm trying so hard to spread among others. I just don't know what to do anymore.

~~~

I'm sorry, I just needed to dump these feeling's somewhere for once. Thank you, to everyone in this community and everyone who's ever taken the time to read my venting.

https://redd.it/1o4le5y
@asexualityonreddit

This absolutely HOLY garlic bread I ate today
https://redd.it/1o4n82y
@asexualityonreddit

I created an Ace Marine :)

https://redd.it/1o4nr39
@asexualityonreddit

Older, only just figured this out.

I'm 67, two years ago identified as autistic. So there's that. And just in case that's not socially repellant enough, I'm also an atheist.

A couple of weeks ago, my 82-year old aunt called to thank me for my normally snarky birthday greetings to her. And out of her mouth was "So, no romance yet for you?" Mind you, I'm 9.5 years a "widow." Have been in ZERO "relationships" in that time. She doesn't know about the 10 years I spent married to H#2 (second husband) which were sexless (mostly because he was cheating the entire time which I found out about during his hospice care - your shite does catch up to you!) and during which I didn't care. Before him, I was happily single for a few years following a divorce. So the upshot is that the last time I behaved sexually was sometime in the prior century. And now I understand that it's obvious to everybody. I never even "got" that.

Then a 74yo friend started dating this guy back in the summer. She only just finally told me about it not long ago. I think she more so didn't want me to feel bad for being on my own and now she's kind of taken up with her guy.

So that and my aunt's question made me think of all of this for myself, for the very first time. I read Angela Chen's book. And I have come to the ace conclusion. It feels right. And is kind of a big relief in one way, honestly. I'm just not going to make s-excuses anymore.

So here I am, representing for Boomer aces. Anyone else?

https://redd.it/1o4n173
@asexualityonreddit