Does it bother anyone else when people use “intimacy” and “sex” as synonyms?

I don’t want to judge anybody, and I think it’s great that so many people are able to find sex to be a way of feeling closer to someone, but using “sex” and “intimacy” as synonyms is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. I don’t get why people can’t just say “sex”.

This has gotten even worse for me in the past several months since I met my best friend, who is also asexual. We’re both sex repulsed, and my stepdad knows this, but he keeps lecturing me to have sex with them so we can have “intimacy”, and that we should be fine doing it since we hug each other, which is also a form of intimacy.

This has honestly ruined the word “intimacy” for me entirely, and I cringe whenever I hear it, despite once associating it with positive feelings, even while knowing that some people use it to describe sex.

I guess all of these conversations I’ve been forced to engage in have made this worse, but I was wondering if anyone else here had the same feelings when it came to this word and its use as a synonym for sex.

https://redd.it/1ku1846
@asexualityonreddit

I think I might be asexual

I (19f) have been questioning whether or not I’m asexual for a while for a lot of different reasons.

When I was younger I never had crushes on people or romantic interest. For a while I didn’t pay it any mind because I thought I was just a late bloomer or something but by the time I was 15 it felt like it became a problem.

Friends would ask me what was wrong with me and why I never had a crush on anyone. The only time I ever wanted a boyfriend was when my friends were dating people and I wanted the companionship and the emotional intimacy that I saw they had.

Whenever the topic of sex came up I always got really uncomfortable and I would try and brush it off.

I thought I would just have to give it time and that those feelings would come eventually but they never have. I avoided getting a boyfriend in high school partly because I was really shy and partly because I grew up in a really small school and knew everyone from the age of five. I thought I felt nothing because there wasn’t anyone I was interested in anyone yet and that once I was dating someone everything would click.

I started seeing this guy a few months ago. He was a really nice guy but the whole time leading up to the date I felt terrified. Not nervous or excited but absolutely terrified. When I was on the date I felt awkward and uncomfortable but I made myself continue to see him because I thought I needed to try and make it work. I think I was feeling insecure because I hadn’t even kissed anyone before and I felt bad about myself for my lack of experience. I guess I was embarrassed because I felt like everyone I knew had at least some experience.

A couple of weeks ago he kissed me and I hated it. It was barely a peck but I still felt so uncomfortable that I avoided seeing him as much as possible. Tonight I saw him again and we hung out with some friends before he drove me home. He kissed me again and when I tried to pull away he held me by the back of the head and just kept kissing me. I sort of stiffened up and waited for it to stop till I could get out of the car.

I literally felt nothing but uncomfortable. It just felt awkward to me and unnatural. Maybe it’s because I’m a bad kisser or something but I felt like I just didn’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m asexual or just not attracted to him specifically but I’ve spent the last few hours feeling sick to my stomach.

I feel like something’s wrong with me and I’m not feeling the way I’m supposed to about this. I don’t know what I should do.

https://redd.it/1ku2bin
@asexualityonreddit

Does it bother anyone else when people use “intimacy” and “sex” as synonyms?

I don’t want to judge anybody, and I think it’s great that so many people are able to find sex to be a way of feeling closer to someone, but using “sex” and “intimacy” as synonyms is probably one of my biggest pet peeves. I don’t get why people can’t just say “sex”.

This has gotten even worse for me in the past several months since I met my best friend, who is also asexual. We’re both sex repulsed, and my stepdad knows this, but he keeps lecturing me to have sex with them so we can have “intimacy”, and that we should be fine doing it since we hug each other, which is also a form of intimacy.

This has honestly ruined the word “intimacy” for me entirely, and I cringe whenever I hear it, despite once associating it with positive feelings, even while knowing that some people use it to describe sex.

I guess all of these conversations I’ve been forced to engage in have made this worse, but I was wondering if anyone else here had the same feelings when it came to this word and its use as a synonym for sex.

https://redd.it/1ku17h6
@asexualityonreddit

Ace detective
https://redd.it/1ktrw5o
@asexualityonreddit

dream relationship
https://redd.it/1ku4jat
@asexualityonreddit

My ideal relationship
https://redd.it/1ku7clq
@asexualityonreddit

When they ask what an ace person wants...

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxXEYOgxOU5cT49V\_SfqQbtpDDcu2IFnSw?si=vnmGRoah1XHn\_7BB

This is a clip from the YouTube channel "A Story Worth Telling".

https://redd.it/1ku6lkq
@asexualityonreddit

reeeeeeeeeeee!!!
https://redd.it/1kueo4o
@asexualityonreddit

Pigeons have Ace and Aro flag colours combined but not Aroace colours
https://redd.it/1kufpu4
@asexualityonreddit

sexual attraction vs. desire

I am curious, there's got to be a difference between sexual attraction and the desire to have sex.

I often find people very attractive and may fantasize about them, but I don't want to follow up on any fantasies. I don't have a desire to actually have sex much at all, but I enjoy thinking about it with other people. I also watch porn and masturbate.

My point is, I'm trying to search for a term or something that differentiates sexual attraction from the desire to have sex. Like maybe could it just be "Aegosexual attraction"?

I have been experimenting with the aego label, but I just want some solid terms to help me do more research.

https://redd.it/1kua61y
@asexualityonreddit

Educating newcomers vs. Downvoting them

I came to this subreddit about a week ago and am still actively trying to learn what asexuality means to others as well as how certain things apply to me. I wasn't aware that there are stigmas associated with certain viewpoints in this subreddit and I got shadowbanned for stating that someone who "doesn't feel sexual attraction probably won't enjoy sex." While I now know that this isn't true, and that many asexual individuals can enjoy sex, I wasn't given the chance to be educated on that, I was instantly downvoted by tons of people. I was trying to give advice (clearly I shouldn't have been), but I think that this community should lean towards education vs. gatekeeping and downvoting people who think differently about a topic, or simply just aren't educated.

I meant no harm yet my words were taken as offensive. Maybe that's just the internet in 2025, I just think we should be more inviting to newcomers. That's all.

https://redd.it/1kuglsz
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuals with Allosexual partners, how do you reconcile their need for sexual interaction with the lack of sex drive, desire, etc.?

I've (25M) been with my bf (25M) for about 6 years now, for the first 3 months we were both pretty sexualy active, but then suddenly his sex drive dropped to the bottom, then he got into theraphy, meds, etc which I was okay with and wanted to support his mental health journey which has immensely improved. On the partnership side is a 10000/10, I couldn't ask for someone better. But I do need to have sex, not even frequently, but something; but he just wants cuddles (which I love). When I've asked my friends that are in pretty sexually active relationships they have told me to break up since we can't seem to make it work after this many years.
We've talked about it and we both agree in that we don't want to break up and the both feel happy in the relationship, is just that I feel sexually unsatisfied most of the time (not unhappy, just unsatisfied). Sometimes (veeeery unfrequent) we would do stuff, but it's so sporadic (maybe like 2 or 3 times a month every other month) that I still feel the need for more (but yet I'm grateful for when we do it and couldn't feel happier to do it with him).
So I wanted to see from the perspective of someone who might be on the same boat, sexually incompatible but still wanna try to make it work because everything else is just perfect.
How do you guys make it work??

https://redd.it/1kugtok
@asexualityonreddit

My dad is afraid I’ll die a virgin

Even though I have come out on multiple occasions as biromantic ace, my dad still can’t comprehend that I don’t want to do sex ever, and hopes I will one day try it, and it’s just so annoying. He denies my asexuality and calls me bi, which is still kinda progressive and at least better than my mom who calls me a lesbian, but still pretty annoying.

https://redd.it/1kulwxi
@asexualityonreddit

Is anyone else into spanking?

Im 26M, and attracted to women. I’m definitely not into sex and never have been.

I know this might strange to some people, but one of the biggest things I want from a relationship is to spank my partner. Ideally, I’d want to find someone into being spanked, and absolutely craves it.

If anyone else shares this experience, I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to reply or DM me.

https://redd.it/1kun0pn
@asexualityonreddit

Non-asexual dating asexual

(throwaway account just in case.) i (18 M) have the opportunity to date one of my friends who i like (19 F) she likes me, but she is asexual, and i am not. I thought it would be helpful to know from other asexuals what it is like to date someone who isn’t asexual, how do you navigate the relationship? Is it a good idea to date an asexual as someone who isn’t? I think we connect really well with each other and would make a great couple, but I’m just concerned about this part of it.

https://redd.it/1kuo73n
@asexualityonreddit

Could I be Ace/gray ace’

Hello all,

I'm a bit older than most inquisitive types - I'm a 40+ year old male with a wife and child both who I love. I started drinking in my late teens and didn't really stop until 5 years ago.

When the fog from drinking all the time cleared up, I found myself not sexually attracted to my partner, but not just her, anyone at all. This made me think and I can say about 90% of all sexual experiences I've had in my life I was drunk.

I think certain people are pretty or beautiful but it stops there. I don't, and never have made the next mental thought of "id like to do this with her." It doesn't repulse me, but I'm just indifferent. And again when I reflect on my life, I have always been that way. I do love falling in love, being in love, and even having a crush but when my friends say stuff like "id like to do cuz to them" I've always thought it was dumb.

I've also almost never been the one that has initiated sexual intimacy- it's always had to be the other person. And since my partner stopped being that person, I haven't had sex in over two years. I've tried initiating it a few times but it was more because "I should" and not because I want to. I also got my testosterone levels checked last year and they are normal.
Are these telltale signs of someone on the spectrum? Thanks for hearing me out and any advice or comments are greatly appreciated

https://redd.it/1kuqfem
@asexualityonreddit

Tips for getting parents to accept my asexuality?

So for context I am a 19 year old male and my parents hate that I am open about my asexuality. I’ve gotten in a few verbal fights but nothing serious. Anyone have any tips for how to make them accept it sooner? It’s starting to get annoying because they’ll intentionally say that I “need to have sex” even though I’ve made it very clear that I don’t need to, let alone want to.

https://redd.it/1kus8uw
@asexualityonreddit

Tips for getting parents to accept my asexuality?

So for context I am a 19 year old male and my parents hate that I am open about my asexuality. I’ve gotten in a few verbal fights but nothing serious. Anyone have any tips for how to make them accept it sooner? It’s starting to get annoying because they’ll intentionally say that I “need to have sex” even though I’ve made it very clear that I don’t need to, let alone want to.

https://redd.it/1kus8ly
@asexualityonreddit

For Aces Who Have Trauma What Helps?

Trigger Warning: Trauma and SA and Sex Mention. Please skip this post if it makes you uncomfortable.
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I am on the ace spectrum and sadly due to Trauma from SA and abusive relationships experience Hypersexuality despite being Ace. Sometimes it makes me feel less valid as an ace person even though I know that's not true at all and I barely experience physical, sexual, or romantic attraction unless I'm in love with the person and even then it takes a very long time to feel anything (if I do at all). Its just hard. It sucks tbh.

Sometimes I end up doing impulsive stuff cause of it. Or it ends up upsetting me a lot. For anyone who can relate, what have you found helps? What do you do to ease the discomfort or stress or what have you found distracts you?

https://redd.it/1kus9dw
@asexualityonreddit

Therapist just casually assumed I have a problem

I saw a psychiatrist for panic attacks and started medication and then she also referred me to a therapist to start therapy. I've experienced aphobia in the past so I kind of saw it coming. I told the therapist I am asexual and I don't care about sex and she asked what is wrong to make me feel this way, if I have a hormonal imbalance or trauma and that "it's not normal for a young man to be like this" (also kind of transphobic because I'm AMAB and just started my transition). What is wrong with people?? Why are they so obsessed with sex and think that we all need to be obsessed with it too, otherwise we're mentally ill??

https://redd.it/1kuwobb
@asexualityonreddit