Help coming out to Mom. (Please read context)

To make things clear I love my mother, and she has said she'd love me "no matter who I sleep with" and she herself is Bisexual.

Over this recent summer I've come to terms with my Asexuality, it was hard to come to the conclusion because I was fearful of the hate the community gets even in the LGBTQIA+ space but I have come to terms with it. I'm out to close friends and they have all been supportive but not her, my father or stepmom.

But I'm going to spend the holidays with her this season because I don't see her often anymore but I don't think I can stay closeted to her this much longer. But back in high-school while I was younger she found out (this is embarrassing) I had been on porn websites. I don't know exactly why I was, it was years ago but I am pretty sure she'd remember that. I'm scared that if I come out to her she might bring it up, not believe me, or outright call me a liar. And still I don't know why I was, I've never gotten the pleasure out of it, but I'm just anxious but I don't want to stay hidden much longer.

Any advice is appreciated.

https://redd.it/1pomdpu
@asexualityonreddit

Peak ace behaviour
https://redd.it/1pornan
@asexualityonreddit

How do you feel about cuddles?

I'm aroace. Sex for any purpose other than reproduction is gross and terrible sounding to me (still a virgin), however I feel mixed things about cuddling.

For one, sometimes I'm okay with it. Not really hyper into it like some people are but it's just okay. Other times it really makes me uncomfortable, and to be fair I'm not one for much physical contact.

I was wondering how other ace or aroace people feel about cuddles?

https://redd.it/1poqkjg
@asexualityonreddit

My first ever sex toys (NSFW POST)

So im aceflux, and i have a partner but iv never felt comfortable with the thought of actually doing it with someone, and never had a high enough libido to make a proper sex life. Due to this i decided durring a very hormonal "Shark Week" to finally get my first ever sex toys. I unfortunately had to get them off of Amazon, and dw yall i checked thoroughly to make sure the toys were safe, but after pressing confirm on the transaction scene i felt so erked out and spooked. But i KNOW i want this, I KNOW i want to please myself and be happy, but the asexual part of me cant help but have a visceral fear of what is to come. I know no one is gonna see my package, my dad wouldn't peek cause of ​​​​​Christmas and all, but fuck guys, its hard out here​

https://redd.it/1pos82n
@asexualityonreddit

I'm alloromantic and romance-indifferent. i wish i realized this about myself a long time ago



Now when it comes to attraction, we pretty much have no control over who we find attractive. Only our actions due to said attraction

But we do have some control over our stances and our perspectives over our attractions. Whether it's through our own agency or based on past experiences

I love being romance-indifferent because i can pretty much talk to anyone i find attractive and go

"If i end up in a romantic relationship with them, that's fine. If i don't. That's fine too. Doesn't matter as much as the overalll depth of our connection"


If i knew this long ago, i wouldn't have ended up being infactuated and hurt over past attempts

But at the same time, if i didn't go through that pain and introspection, then i wouldn't have deconstructed my entire understanding of what's "love" in the first place

i would've been happy with whatever relationship i had...

But never learned about queerplatonic, relationship anarchy, stances, amatonormativity, heteronormativity, etc..

Nowadays, i accept people as they are. And if i really wanted to satisfy myself, that's what fantasies and adult content is for



https://redd.it/1pov549
@asexualityonreddit

When is too soon to ask a woman if she is asexual?

Hello! I hope you folks are doing well. I mean no harm by this post so I apologize if it seems rude!! So out of the last 8 women I've caught serious feelings for (so excluding minor crushes or passing glances), 5/8 of them have been asexual. Out of the 4 women who've liked me on Hinge, 3 have been asexual/under the umbrella. I found out yesterday a woman I was about to go on a date with canceled at the last second because she is demiromantic and mistakenly agreed to date.




This would be wonderful if I was asexual! I know more ace folks than all of my ace friends do combined. However, while I know asexual individuals can have sex, the lack of/uncertainty/conditionality of sexual attraction is unfortunately a turn off for me. While I'm taking a break from dating right now, in the future when would be too soon to ask a woman if she is asexual? In addition, is there something I can do to avoid falling for asexual women? Thank you so much for helping me with this dilemma I'm facing! Also while not linked, my hinge profile is on my page if you want to look at it!!





Have a wonderful day :D

https://redd.it/1powl7w
@asexualityonreddit

Don’t fall for it, folks!
https://redd.it/1pp0ove
@asexualityonreddit

I like thinking about having sex, but not

So basically I fantasise about having sex but it is never something I want to pursue, because I feel uncomfortable doing so. Lately, I don‘t even find people attractive. Like any one. The weird thing is that in the past, I did feel attraction towards men but nowadays I feel nothing. I thought maybe I like women, but I feel nothing towards women too. The fantasies I have are about an unknown person or a person I know and whom I don’t even like/feel attracted in reality. It’s like I enjoy the idea of having sex but I don’t like anyone to have sex with! I feel so weird because there is this desire that I can’t satisfy because it makes me sick my stomach the real possibility of doing this with any person

https://redd.it/1pp1aqv
@asexualityonreddit

I don't even know anymore

I've identified as ace for close to 10 years at this point, though not always by name. When I first became aware of the concept from a queer friend I had in 7th (maybe 8th) grade and applied it to myself, I was uninterested in having a romantic relationship, being like 12 or 13 at the time (the concept of sex never even crossed my mind). When I graduated and entered college, I wanted to be in a romantic relationship but I still wasn't interested in sex. As I went along, I could see myself having sex but not being attracted to people sexually and certaintly not with strangers. I tried Grindr once but I hated it so much. This also came around when I found out I was bi.

Around this time, I identified as biromantic demisexual. I got into my first relationship which died in flames and made me not want to date for two years. Since then, I feel as if I've fluctuated back and forth between sex-favorable, repulsed and indifferent. There are long stretches of times where I hate the idea of me having sex, some where I'm okay waiting and some where I am totally okay with it to the point where I'm like "Oh no, am I not ace"?

I also feel like I'm breaking out of my religious upbringing where the concept of sex wasn't even something we really talked about. I'm becoming more comfortable publicly identifying as queer. And I start to see me more in more in relationships with other queer people. And more and more I'm like "Ok, I want to engage in sexual acts with a partner..but is that sexual attraction or just another form of affection with a person I'm romantically attracted to? Like a really intense hickey? Or is it just my high libido talking (because oh yeah, I have that too) and I would literally have a panic attack if I tried to have sex with them? I also can't buy a sex toy to relieve that issue because I'm living with my conservative parents who don't even know about any of this"

Like maybe I'm allosexual because I'm becoming more comfortable with identifying as a queer person rather than a strictly straight cis person who never even grew up with proper sex education in a very sex-negative family. But just being allosexual dosen’t work for me either! I can't just look at someone and be like "Well, I want to give them head and/or to fuck me good". Are you kidding? I could never. Like I said: I HATE GRINDR! It terrifies me.

Right now, I'm identifying as bi gray ace (and also non-binary but that's gender and not sex so...) who is sex-favorable with a high libido and I think that's a fine enough middle ground...but who knows? I feel like I have this internal debate every week. Plus there's people out there who don't even think that aceness, let alone umbrella terms like demi or gray-ace are even real terms so it's not as if I can vent.

So I guess that's my vent here. Being queer is tiring sometimes.

https://redd.it/1pp3wc0
@asexualityonreddit

Visibility is so important
https://redd.it/1pp7af9
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1pp9gnq
@asexualityonreddit

For sex-repulsed asexuals: What do you guys make of symbolism used to indirectly indicate sex scenes? (Specific example of what I’m talking about is in the description)
https://redd.it/1pp77bx
@asexualityonreddit

The worst
https://redd.it/1pp7r34
@asexualityonreddit

Should I Be Offended
https://redd.it/1ppdbo2
@asexualityonreddit

am i overreacting

https://redd.it/1ppbv50
@asexualityonreddit

“So if trans people are the ones being targeted don’t you think aroace people will be next?” - my friend.

Hello so this is gonna be kinda political and just..Ok me and my friend were having a conversation how trans people more specifically trans women are the hottest new demographic to demonize right now and be painted as predators.

For me I’m an aroace demi-girl so I fall into the trans spectrum an am aroace-spec. Soon enough we started talking about well after trans people aren’t fun to pick on anymore then who will be the next one to paint as violence? And then my friend said it would possibly be aroace people? If the aroace-phobia is bad enough as it is then wouldn’t that make us the perfect next target for homophobes to make propaganda against??

Idk it’s this stuck with me ever since my friend said that.

https://redd.it/1ppbgcn
@asexualityonreddit

Not sure if I am asexual?

I could happily be in a sexless relationship or go my whole life never having sex. But if I had a deep connection with someone then I would be ok to use sex to make them feel excited or happy and their excitement would make me excited if I liked them and the fact they liked me. But I would never want to have sex with someone I was not attracted to and had no connection with. But I would be just as fine having a relationship without any sex as long as we could hold hands and be emotionally connected.

I feel like maybe refering to myself as asexual is wrong, it seems to scare people away. It is rare for straight people to know what it means, they think it is bad, and I don't really know what I mean myself either. If I am attracted to someone then I wouldn't mind having sex with them but it isn't important to me, like holding hands is way more intimate and emotional to me, sex is not about my pleasure but giving them pleasure or being desired enough to would make me happy as long as I meant something to them not just a sex doll, I want to be important to them. I feel like that is most allosexual women too have sex for the same reason and to feel good sensations with someone they are attracted to.

But even if I loved someone lots then I don't think I would want to do sex everyday, it needs a lot of cleanup and leftover sensations take a while to go away, I would rather hug or cuddle or something. But I guess if I had to then I can learn to have sex frequently. Just everyday kind of feels not romantic at all, maybe that is like masturbation.

https://redd.it/1ppk9jq
@asexualityonreddit

Sex negativity

I might upset some people with this, but there's a common pattern I have noticed among "ace communities" like the subreddits.


Sex negativity is different from sex-repulsion and aversion. I would know. I'm sex-repulsed.


Sex negativity is rampant in ace spaces (Imo, you might disagree). I see so many posts of people complaining about literally just the existence of sex and how it's gross and dirty or whatever. It's fine to think that about sex (I certainly do), but implying allosexuals or your fellow asexuals who have sex are gross for doing so is just completely wrong.

And the memes themselves that I always see like "no sex, only garlic bread" also just perpetuate the idea that asexuality = not liking sex. While there is a very large overlap, that's not true for everyone. Allosexuals can be sex-repulsed as can asexuals be sex-favorable.


Sex is not a bad thing. Sex is not a dirty thing. Sex should not be barred from being a conversation topic just because it grosses you out. We are just now getting more comfortable as a society discussing sex. If you want to go back to a puritan society, then go ahead.


If you don't want to here about sexual discussions, then just tell your friends that. Communication is an amazing thing.


Personally, I only mind sex talks between people I don't know. If my friend comes to me to talk about their sex life (as long as it's not graphic ;-;), then I let them because they love and trust me enough to share something that intimate. Not everyone is like that, but I really think that if we started being more positive about sex as a community, it would really help.

It just bums me out scrolling through forums and subreddits and seeing all that.

https://redd.it/1ppksj4
@asexualityonreddit