Am i asexual or is there something else going on?
Hi asexual community, I want to share my journey and hear your opinions about it.
I (30F) have never experienced any sexual desire or any feeling whatsoever while having sex. On my teenage years, when everyone is supposed to be a hormonal horny mess, I felt nothing. I didn't think anything of it back then, didn't suspect it was weird or anything. I had relationships but I didn't think of anything other than kissing and hugging. I remember not understanding how some people had issues with unwanted teen pregnancies, staying celibate for religious beliefs etc, when not having sex was so easy.
Once I entered my first adult years, I started to have sexual experiences. I still never felt sexual desire, but i always heard people say the first time you have sex you don't really enjoy it that much and it gets better later, so I kept waiting for that "later". At that point I was having sexual relationships solely because it was expected from a relationship and i thought it should kick in for me at some point.
It went on like that until my mid 20s I'd say. By then I finally assumed it was just never gonna happen for me. I'm not sex repulsed or anything, but I have never experienced sexual desire or any type of pleasure while having sex. I feel nothing from sex.
When I've told a few people about this after having finally assumed it myself, they say I'm asexual. And of course it makes sense but I have one doubt and this is where I'd like to hear opinions from other asexuals. How does one know if it's just innate or it comes from some unresolved issue, be it hormonal or a mental block?. I have trouble labeling myself with that term because I don't know if I have some issue i haven't found or it's just something i simply happen to be and that's it.
Thoughts?
https://redd.it/1ppt4qx
@asexualityonreddit
Hi asexual community, I want to share my journey and hear your opinions about it.
I (30F) have never experienced any sexual desire or any feeling whatsoever while having sex. On my teenage years, when everyone is supposed to be a hormonal horny mess, I felt nothing. I didn't think anything of it back then, didn't suspect it was weird or anything. I had relationships but I didn't think of anything other than kissing and hugging. I remember not understanding how some people had issues with unwanted teen pregnancies, staying celibate for religious beliefs etc, when not having sex was so easy.
Once I entered my first adult years, I started to have sexual experiences. I still never felt sexual desire, but i always heard people say the first time you have sex you don't really enjoy it that much and it gets better later, so I kept waiting for that "later". At that point I was having sexual relationships solely because it was expected from a relationship and i thought it should kick in for me at some point.
It went on like that until my mid 20s I'd say. By then I finally assumed it was just never gonna happen for me. I'm not sex repulsed or anything, but I have never experienced sexual desire or any type of pleasure while having sex. I feel nothing from sex.
When I've told a few people about this after having finally assumed it myself, they say I'm asexual. And of course it makes sense but I have one doubt and this is where I'd like to hear opinions from other asexuals. How does one know if it's just innate or it comes from some unresolved issue, be it hormonal or a mental block?. I have trouble labeling myself with that term because I don't know if I have some issue i haven't found or it's just something i simply happen to be and that's it.
Thoughts?
https://redd.it/1ppt4qx
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
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Got called an alien
Had a discussion with someone about marriage. I told them I have no desire nor interest in it and they called me a rare alien, saying everyone has the feeling that they want another half.
I'm been getting this weird feeling ever since that comment, like I don't belong here. It really sucks. Sometimes I feel like a defect.
https://redd.it/1ppslbq
@asexualityonreddit
Had a discussion with someone about marriage. I told them I have no desire nor interest in it and they called me a rare alien, saying everyone has the feeling that they want another half.
I'm been getting this weird feeling ever since that comment, like I don't belong here. It really sucks. Sometimes I feel like a defect.
https://redd.it/1ppslbq
@asexualityonreddit
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Tell me I’m not alone.
I’m 27 & never been with another person. Never let anyone see me naked in person or the other way around. It feels almost like I’m so so broken but I just have no interest in sexual things in person🥲
https://redd.it/1ppudux
@asexualityonreddit
I’m 27 & never been with another person. Never let anyone see me naked in person or the other way around. It feels almost like I’m so so broken but I just have no interest in sexual things in person🥲
https://redd.it/1ppudux
@asexualityonreddit
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Struggling with my Identity
I (20, F) was always thinking that maybe i am just a Lesbian or that i didn't found my right person, but i had a relationship now and everything seemed great BUT i felt sooo stressed out and like everything even slightly sexual made me feel sooo stressed out and uncomfortable. I have talked with a few friends about their love life and everything. I realised that i feel different about all that and now i am worried i am like some kind of broken person and that i have to be alone for my whole life.
How do other Asexual people handle that they will never have like a "normal" relationship and family? It seems really lonely to me because i love the thought of going on dates and everything but i just cant handle it. I feel so broken and idk how to fix myself :(
https://redd.it/1pq47jp
@asexualityonreddit
I (20, F) was always thinking that maybe i am just a Lesbian or that i didn't found my right person, but i had a relationship now and everything seemed great BUT i felt sooo stressed out and like everything even slightly sexual made me feel sooo stressed out and uncomfortable. I have talked with a few friends about their love life and everything. I realised that i feel different about all that and now i am worried i am like some kind of broken person and that i have to be alone for my whole life.
How do other Asexual people handle that they will never have like a "normal" relationship and family? It seems really lonely to me because i love the thought of going on dates and everything but i just cant handle it. I feel so broken and idk how to fix myself :(
https://redd.it/1pq47jp
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Communication, kink and shame
I’ve identified as greysexual for just a little while now, and I’m still immensely confused by my feelings around sex.
My biggest frustration is my feelings towards my long time friend / recently boyfriend, who’s a sex repulsed ace. I’ve always been probably far too cautious in respecting that about him, essentially trying to pretend I don’t have any sense of sexuality either so I never even have to mention the topic around him.
Now we’re closer and I understand myself better, I’m more open about my sexuality. As a result of that we’ve just started to explore some amount of nonsexual kink recently, which I’m already enjoying significantly more than I’ve ever enjoyed kinky sex with my previous partners. It’s a huge relief to not have to navigate so many complicated feelings and desires and just focus on the fun part. The problem here is that that’s not actually the case, and it is still immensely confusing to navigate. Primarily, I’m scared I’m enjoying it too much, that I’m crossing a line somewhere and disrespecting some essential boundary of our relationship.
I know I need to have a conversation with him about this, but I’m here first because I’m not sure how to explain my concerns- I have a lot of difficulty identifying and understanding feelings because I’m autistic, and I’m prone to misidentifying other peoples emotions and boundaries, as well as my own.
This all started because I talked to him about why kink is valuable to me (regardless of being sexual or not) without the expectation that he would really be interested in participating in anything like that. Still now, I don’t really understand how he feels about all this, but I think that he enjoys it because it makes me happy (which makes me feel selfish for not giving more than that back, but thats a more familiar fear I can navigate). Honestly part of me still struggles to reconcile the person I’ve been friends with for so long with the person who knows me in this way now, he feels like two feel like completely different people sometimes, and it scares me.
My main confusion though is around my own feelings. As mentioned I’ve had kinky relationships in the past, but they were always both kinky & sexual, mostly because I refused to allow the two to be seperate. A few years back, when my girlfriend at the time expressed interest in nonsexual kink, I immediately shot the idea down- not because I wasn’t interested, but because I didn’t believe I was capable of separating the sex from the kink, so there was no point in trying. At that time I was deep in shame and denial, and struggling to justify being into kink at all, let alone experiment with less typical boundaries around it.
And still now I feel some of that fear, that overwhelming, nauseating anxiety that I’m a terrible person for being into kink at all. I thought I could leave that at the door with sex, but of course it’s not that simple. I suppose though the main question haunting me here is simple: am I a bad person for getting ‘turned on’ during nonsexual play? I say ‘turned on’ with the quotes because the feeling is very different here than it is for me during sexual experiences.
I have no real desire to play out anything sexual with my partner, and I presume he wouldn’t want to do so even if I did. That’s partly why I don’t have the true sense of attraction here, my sexuality is partly based on reciprocal desire. This experience feels more like an intrusive thought than a want or need. I have been in similar situations in past which were sexual, and would like to do so again in future. But right now, that’s not what I have or want. I still feel the physical reaction, and I was in a decent place regarding this when we started things- separating in my mind the natural bodily experiences away from my actual emotions and desires (or lack thereof) that I feel- I’m starting to lose touch with that mindset and let the shame creep back in. Which frightens me, because I have much the same feelings about other nonsexual desires I’m exploring, like my sensual attraction.
I’ve identified as greysexual for just a little while now, and I’m still immensely confused by my feelings around sex.
My biggest frustration is my feelings towards my long time friend / recently boyfriend, who’s a sex repulsed ace. I’ve always been probably far too cautious in respecting that about him, essentially trying to pretend I don’t have any sense of sexuality either so I never even have to mention the topic around him.
Now we’re closer and I understand myself better, I’m more open about my sexuality. As a result of that we’ve just started to explore some amount of nonsexual kink recently, which I’m already enjoying significantly more than I’ve ever enjoyed kinky sex with my previous partners. It’s a huge relief to not have to navigate so many complicated feelings and desires and just focus on the fun part. The problem here is that that’s not actually the case, and it is still immensely confusing to navigate. Primarily, I’m scared I’m enjoying it too much, that I’m crossing a line somewhere and disrespecting some essential boundary of our relationship.
I know I need to have a conversation with him about this, but I’m here first because I’m not sure how to explain my concerns- I have a lot of difficulty identifying and understanding feelings because I’m autistic, and I’m prone to misidentifying other peoples emotions and boundaries, as well as my own.
This all started because I talked to him about why kink is valuable to me (regardless of being sexual or not) without the expectation that he would really be interested in participating in anything like that. Still now, I don’t really understand how he feels about all this, but I think that he enjoys it because it makes me happy (which makes me feel selfish for not giving more than that back, but thats a more familiar fear I can navigate). Honestly part of me still struggles to reconcile the person I’ve been friends with for so long with the person who knows me in this way now, he feels like two feel like completely different people sometimes, and it scares me.
My main confusion though is around my own feelings. As mentioned I’ve had kinky relationships in the past, but they were always both kinky & sexual, mostly because I refused to allow the two to be seperate. A few years back, when my girlfriend at the time expressed interest in nonsexual kink, I immediately shot the idea down- not because I wasn’t interested, but because I didn’t believe I was capable of separating the sex from the kink, so there was no point in trying. At that time I was deep in shame and denial, and struggling to justify being into kink at all, let alone experiment with less typical boundaries around it.
And still now I feel some of that fear, that overwhelming, nauseating anxiety that I’m a terrible person for being into kink at all. I thought I could leave that at the door with sex, but of course it’s not that simple. I suppose though the main question haunting me here is simple: am I a bad person for getting ‘turned on’ during nonsexual play? I say ‘turned on’ with the quotes because the feeling is very different here than it is for me during sexual experiences.
I have no real desire to play out anything sexual with my partner, and I presume he wouldn’t want to do so even if I did. That’s partly why I don’t have the true sense of attraction here, my sexuality is partly based on reciprocal desire. This experience feels more like an intrusive thought than a want or need. I have been in similar situations in past which were sexual, and would like to do so again in future. But right now, that’s not what I have or want. I still feel the physical reaction, and I was in a decent place regarding this when we started things- separating in my mind the natural bodily experiences away from my actual emotions and desires (or lack thereof) that I feel- I’m starting to lose touch with that mindset and let the shame creep back in. Which frightens me, because I have much the same feelings about other nonsexual desires I’m exploring, like my sensual attraction.
It’s true I have a desire for sex in general, yes, and my body reminds me of that in these vulnerable situations, but sex is also something I am satisfied without. This is where the greyness of my sexuality frustrates me. My brain desperately wants to convince me I’ve just been faking being even a little ace at all, just for the sake of ‘getting with’ my now boyfriend. That I’m a sick and perverted person who is taking advantage of his love and care to fulfil my own twisted desires.
I know not to trust that sense of shame, because it would have me give up everything I find joy in, every means of expressing love that my boyfriend freely offers me. Shame tells me that sex is the only place that I should feel loved, and that I am disgusting for that. But I know this can’t be true, because I feel so incredibly loved right now, even without sex.
Shame tells me that I’m ’forcing’ him into this, by talking openly about my wants and allowing him the choice to oblige them. I have had trouble navigating boundaries like that before, including with him. We both still have a lot of difficulty communicating and enforcing our boundaries with eachother, partly because we’re both testing eachothers limits and discovering where our boundaries actually lie. Despite what shame tells me, I know it can’t be true that I should never trust that my partner is operating within their own agency, no matter how much space I allow for consent, and stopping at any time they ask, and anticipating their limits to the best of my ability. This is why the shame is clinging to me so strongly in the first place, I’m terrified of repeating past mistakes. Despite how hard I am trying to avoid doing so, I think it is perhaps inevitable to end up crossing lines as we attempt to trace their edges. All I can do is minimise the potential to hurt eachother, and not believe I am a fundamentally bad person for making mistakes I’ve already been forgiven.
I feel overwhelmingly that my emotions here are twisted and rotten, both in that they are filled with self hatred, and that they are a web of contradictions that all point toward my boyfriend secretly hating me, too. It’s at the point now that my guilt outweighs my enjoyment, so I know something needs to change moving forward, I’m just not sure what. I guess I’m just lost from here. Is there some merit to my fears? Have I been wrong to try and disregard them so strongly? Are they sneaking back up on me because I’m doing something wrong?
Or have I simply exhausted my tolerance for my own shame, and it’s preying on my love once again? Perhaps both are true, I’m not sure.
https://redd.it/1pq5svm
@asexualityonreddit
I know not to trust that sense of shame, because it would have me give up everything I find joy in, every means of expressing love that my boyfriend freely offers me. Shame tells me that sex is the only place that I should feel loved, and that I am disgusting for that. But I know this can’t be true, because I feel so incredibly loved right now, even without sex.
Shame tells me that I’m ’forcing’ him into this, by talking openly about my wants and allowing him the choice to oblige them. I have had trouble navigating boundaries like that before, including with him. We both still have a lot of difficulty communicating and enforcing our boundaries with eachother, partly because we’re both testing eachothers limits and discovering where our boundaries actually lie. Despite what shame tells me, I know it can’t be true that I should never trust that my partner is operating within their own agency, no matter how much space I allow for consent, and stopping at any time they ask, and anticipating their limits to the best of my ability. This is why the shame is clinging to me so strongly in the first place, I’m terrified of repeating past mistakes. Despite how hard I am trying to avoid doing so, I think it is perhaps inevitable to end up crossing lines as we attempt to trace their edges. All I can do is minimise the potential to hurt eachother, and not believe I am a fundamentally bad person for making mistakes I’ve already been forgiven.
I feel overwhelmingly that my emotions here are twisted and rotten, both in that they are filled with self hatred, and that they are a web of contradictions that all point toward my boyfriend secretly hating me, too. It’s at the point now that my guilt outweighs my enjoyment, so I know something needs to change moving forward, I’m just not sure what. I guess I’m just lost from here. Is there some merit to my fears? Have I been wrong to try and disregard them so strongly? Are they sneaking back up on me because I’m doing something wrong?
Or have I simply exhausted my tolerance for my own shame, and it’s preying on my love once again? Perhaps both are true, I’m not sure.
https://redd.it/1pq5svm
@asexualityonreddit
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Am I asexual?
I'm romantically attracted to females, and consider the female gender to be attractive. But I am not interested in sex or sexual acts form penentration to cunnilingus to kissing, in the slightest. No drive no interest no excitement no erection.
https://redd.it/1pq519z
@asexualityonreddit
I'm romantically attracted to females, and consider the female gender to be attractive. But I am not interested in sex or sexual acts form penentration to cunnilingus to kissing, in the slightest. No drive no interest no excitement no erection.
https://redd.it/1pq519z
@asexualityonreddit
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Just updated my Vanilla Tweaks (Minecraft resource pack) to have pride hearts! I'm between the Asexual flag and the AroAce flag and not sure which I should go with
https://redd.it/1pq7s58
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1pq7s58
@asexualityonreddit
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From the Asexual community on Reddit: Just updated my Vanilla Tweaks (Minecraft resource pack) to have pride hearts! I'm between…
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I'm Asexual and trying to have a child...
Long story short, I've finally realized that I'm asexual, and I'm working with my partner to have a child. We'd like to have a child naturally if possible. The problem is, I have no interest in sex and therefore can't ejaculate during it. I have no problem masturbating, but sex is an entirely different beast.
We're currently looking up IVF, but that's extremely taxing on her, and therefore, us. Clearly, biologically would be the best option.
Does anyone have any recommendations? All jokes aside, I keep thinking of using a turkey baster, but if that were a legitimate option, why would folks need IVF?
I appreciate your help and advice in advance!
https://redd.it/1pq6ivs
@asexualityonreddit
Long story short, I've finally realized that I'm asexual, and I'm working with my partner to have a child. We'd like to have a child naturally if possible. The problem is, I have no interest in sex and therefore can't ejaculate during it. I have no problem masturbating, but sex is an entirely different beast.
We're currently looking up IVF, but that's extremely taxing on her, and therefore, us. Clearly, biologically would be the best option.
Does anyone have any recommendations? All jokes aside, I keep thinking of using a turkey baster, but if that were a legitimate option, why would folks need IVF?
I appreciate your help and advice in advance!
https://redd.it/1pq6ivs
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
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I don’t want to be asexual
I’ve had sex before. I enjoy masturbating and the concept of sex. But for the past 10 yrs or so, I haven’t had a partner that turns me on. I meet with people, we’re both physically attracted, and it’s like there’s no way for me to get turned on. It’s become problematic in relationships. I consider that maybe I’m demi-sexual. But I’m hitting a point where maybe it’s just asexual and I feel extremely disappointed in myself for being this way. I so badly want to be able to reciprocate the sexual energy, and I hate that I can get in the mood by myself, but not with another. Any advice or perspective is welcomed.
https://redd.it/1pqclr2
@asexualityonreddit
I’ve had sex before. I enjoy masturbating and the concept of sex. But for the past 10 yrs or so, I haven’t had a partner that turns me on. I meet with people, we’re both physically attracted, and it’s like there’s no way for me to get turned on. It’s become problematic in relationships. I consider that maybe I’m demi-sexual. But I’m hitting a point where maybe it’s just asexual and I feel extremely disappointed in myself for being this way. I so badly want to be able to reciprocate the sexual energy, and I hate that I can get in the mood by myself, but not with another. Any advice or perspective is welcomed.
https://redd.it/1pqclr2
@asexualityonreddit
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