Update (?): Boyfriend wanted to sleep with me last night
So early today I had made a post about how my boyfriend got drunk and basically made moves to try and sleep with me which were unsuccessful.
He came over tonight and he had no memory of the previous night. All he remembered was vaguely cuddling on top of me. I didn't give him all the details but he was very embarrassed and was apologizing to me. I didn't think he needed to apologize or feel bad about it since he was drunk and clearly wasn't thinking straight. He had brought over more alcohol tonight but I told him I didn't want him drinking it after last night and he said he understood. This was after he asked how I felt about him drinking.
We watched a movie and he was a little extra clingy and cuddly during it but I understand that since it's been a while since we have gotten to see each other consistently. I've been away at college nearly 2 hours away in another state and yesterday was the first time in about a month we've seen each other. There was one moment when he tried to pull me to lay/sit on top of him but I told him no and he apologized. Actually proud of myself for being able to say no (I took the advice of some comments and grew a backbone).
My mom told my dad and both of them think it was hilarious. My dad is joking that my boyfriend is finally acting like a real man by making a move on me and both my parents said I need to get used to this if I expect/want to stay in any kind of relationship. My mom also plans to gossip this to her coworkers as a funny story so I don't think I'll ever be able to hangout at my mom's work while on school breaks ever again if she actually tells them about how I freaked out when my drunk boyfriend made an attempt to sleep with me.
So that's where things are now. My boyfriend's not a predator. I definitely think the way I wrote out what happened made it seem that way because of how frazzled I was but he was very apologetic for what he did and said he feels guilty for "sexually assaulting" me, even though I don't see that as what he did/what happened. I know some people were telling me to break up with him, but I really care about him. He's my first kiss, first proper relationship, we're highschool sweethearts (he's still in highschool though lol) and he's also one of my only real friends. I don't want to throw that all away because of him acting stupid while under the influence.
I guess the positive to this whole situation is I 100% know I'm definitely aroace and sex repulsed if it's not for reproduction, and that my boyfriend now knows he gets drunk very quickly even on just a little bit of alcohol.
https://redd.it/1pm6o6b
@asexualityonreddit
So early today I had made a post about how my boyfriend got drunk and basically made moves to try and sleep with me which were unsuccessful.
He came over tonight and he had no memory of the previous night. All he remembered was vaguely cuddling on top of me. I didn't give him all the details but he was very embarrassed and was apologizing to me. I didn't think he needed to apologize or feel bad about it since he was drunk and clearly wasn't thinking straight. He had brought over more alcohol tonight but I told him I didn't want him drinking it after last night and he said he understood. This was after he asked how I felt about him drinking.
We watched a movie and he was a little extra clingy and cuddly during it but I understand that since it's been a while since we have gotten to see each other consistently. I've been away at college nearly 2 hours away in another state and yesterday was the first time in about a month we've seen each other. There was one moment when he tried to pull me to lay/sit on top of him but I told him no and he apologized. Actually proud of myself for being able to say no (I took the advice of some comments and grew a backbone).
My mom told my dad and both of them think it was hilarious. My dad is joking that my boyfriend is finally acting like a real man by making a move on me and both my parents said I need to get used to this if I expect/want to stay in any kind of relationship. My mom also plans to gossip this to her coworkers as a funny story so I don't think I'll ever be able to hangout at my mom's work while on school breaks ever again if she actually tells them about how I freaked out when my drunk boyfriend made an attempt to sleep with me.
So that's where things are now. My boyfriend's not a predator. I definitely think the way I wrote out what happened made it seem that way because of how frazzled I was but he was very apologetic for what he did and said he feels guilty for "sexually assaulting" me, even though I don't see that as what he did/what happened. I know some people were telling me to break up with him, but I really care about him. He's my first kiss, first proper relationship, we're highschool sweethearts (he's still in highschool though lol) and he's also one of my only real friends. I don't want to throw that all away because of him acting stupid while under the influence.
I guess the positive to this whole situation is I 100% know I'm definitely aroace and sex repulsed if it's not for reproduction, and that my boyfriend now knows he gets drunk very quickly even on just a little bit of alcohol.
https://redd.it/1pm6o6b
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Need advice
I (14M) believe i like a girl in my class (16 maybe 17F) but i don't know how to talk to her also I'm not sure if i actually like her or if I'm tricking myself into believing i am because everyone else either likes people or is already dating, I'm a freshman and she is a junior so i am also not sure how acceptable this would be for a relationship, but mainly I'm afraid that if i did ever talk to her i would have no idea of how to tell her I'm Ace especially because i feel like it would be a deal breaker for most people who aren't Ace or don't know about how Ace works.
https://redd.it/1pmat28
@asexualityonreddit
I (14M) believe i like a girl in my class (16 maybe 17F) but i don't know how to talk to her also I'm not sure if i actually like her or if I'm tricking myself into believing i am because everyone else either likes people or is already dating, I'm a freshman and she is a junior so i am also not sure how acceptable this would be for a relationship, but mainly I'm afraid that if i did ever talk to her i would have no idea of how to tell her I'm Ace especially because i feel like it would be a deal breaker for most people who aren't Ace or don't know about how Ace works.
https://redd.it/1pmat28
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Maybe controversial: But as an asexual who genuinely does not understand sex, reading people being like this makes me terrified of even trying to date other asexual people
https://redd.it/1pm92r9
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1pm92r9
@asexualityonreddit
What brings you pleasure?
Since many or most of us here may not have sex or masturbate for pleasure, what do you do instead? Do you have anything else that brings you euphoric pleasure? For me, sometimes I get aroused when I travel, and it feels like the meaning of everything. Also, spending time to put together collections or learn about collections.
https://redd.it/1pmdd60
@asexualityonreddit
Since many or most of us here may not have sex or masturbate for pleasure, what do you do instead? Do you have anything else that brings you euphoric pleasure? For me, sometimes I get aroused when I travel, and it feels like the meaning of everything. Also, spending time to put together collections or learn about collections.
https://redd.it/1pmdd60
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
yo. so like. garlic bread enjoyers. rate my new profile (it's totally swaggerity swag swaggers and if you say otherwise you're just jealous /j)
https://redd.it/1pm8256
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/1pm8256
@asexualityonreddit
TW: Unwanted sexual thoughts/sensations - I need help dealing with them
For context I'm a 20 yo ace, trans guy (pre-T if relevant)
For the past week or so, I've been having this weird thoughts, physical sensations and just feeling uncomfortably "aware" of my lower body. They're very new to me and IDK how to deal with them. I only have a bit of experience w self-pleasure when I was younger but then I just lost interest in it and haven't tried it in years nor intend to. All things considered I've never felt any genuine "mental" pleasure ever.
I thought maybe I was just really stressed with my finals exams and maybe that was just how my body was reacting or whatever, but even after my exams it's still the same. Maybe even worse. I literally cannot focus on things. My mind keeps thinking of all this nasty stuff and I hate it, that's not me :(
These thoughts don't align with my sexuality either. I'm not paranoid about my being trans or anything, but it's just really upsetting and weird.
I'm looking for advice/tips on how I can deal with this, make it go away. How to deal with such intrusive thoughts and physical discomfort?
https://redd.it/1pmgx2b
@asexualityonreddit
For context I'm a 20 yo ace, trans guy (pre-T if relevant)
For the past week or so, I've been having this weird thoughts, physical sensations and just feeling uncomfortably "aware" of my lower body. They're very new to me and IDK how to deal with them. I only have a bit of experience w self-pleasure when I was younger but then I just lost interest in it and haven't tried it in years nor intend to. All things considered I've never felt any genuine "mental" pleasure ever.
I thought maybe I was just really stressed with my finals exams and maybe that was just how my body was reacting or whatever, but even after my exams it's still the same. Maybe even worse. I literally cannot focus on things. My mind keeps thinking of all this nasty stuff and I hate it, that's not me :(
These thoughts don't align with my sexuality either. I'm not paranoid about my being trans or anything, but it's just really upsetting and weird.
I'm looking for advice/tips on how I can deal with this, make it go away. How to deal with such intrusive thoughts and physical discomfort?
https://redd.it/1pmgx2b
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
Got harassed by a friend after discussing asexuality all night
Literally I even have a massive ace flag above my headboard. He made comments about “31 times he could have slapped my ass” that night and something about giving me head but i wouldn’t like that or something?? There were other things too. Babes we’ve talked about how I’m sex repulsed literally half the night!! He was ALL up in my space. It’s frustrating but I cut him off. And he had the audacity to ask what he did wrong and what made me uncomfortable. Nope! Not my friend anymore! Byeeeee
https://redd.it/1pmhpxc
@asexualityonreddit
Literally I even have a massive ace flag above my headboard. He made comments about “31 times he could have slapped my ass” that night and something about giving me head but i wouldn’t like that or something?? There were other things too. Babes we’ve talked about how I’m sex repulsed literally half the night!! He was ALL up in my space. It’s frustrating but I cut him off. And he had the audacity to ask what he did wrong and what made me uncomfortable. Nope! Not my friend anymore! Byeeeee
https://redd.it/1pmhpxc
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
I need of advice
Hello! I am not asexual, but I have a partner who is asexual. I’m in need of advice, because I’m kind of struggling right now.
I was aware of my partner’s sexuality when we were just friends, and haven’t ever had an issue with it. Even with my sex drive , it has never bothered me that she has little to none, nor has it caused any issues.
However, as of recent, I have noticed I’ve increasingly gotten depressed. Today I have been off and on crying, because in all honesty I’m becoming touch starved. I am a bit of a touchy person (holding hands, hugs, or just laying next to person but touching), and I have never noticed how much I depend on it. I’ve never felt depressed from it before, but I’m starting to feel it. I have no clue how to address this with my partner, and honestly I’m worried it will affect our relationship if I do so. I love her tremendously, and I don’t want to bring this up and make her feel obligated to be touchy with me. Since that would not only push her to do something she isn’t willing to do, but also if she did do it out of obligation, it would make it feel less “good” if that makes sense? She also has a sensory disorder, so she easily is overstimulated with touch, so I try not to be too touchy with her unless she invites it. So I can’t fix it just by hugging her a lot, plus I don’t want to cross a boundary by doing so.
That’s why I’m here, can you guys give me some insight on how you would feel if your partner addressed something like this? Should I leave it be?
Edit to add: Just in case if it isn’t clear, I just need a bit more hugs and hand holding in our relationship. If this is something that you guys think that would be bad to address to an asexual person, I won’t. Again, I love her dearly, and will work around my personal feelings. She still does her best with physical touch on her terms, and it honestly means a lot since I can tell she wants to, not that it’s just a normal thing to do in a relationship. I wanted to clear that up just in case people thought I meant something further than that.
https://redd.it/1pmk0ui
@asexualityonreddit
Hello! I am not asexual, but I have a partner who is asexual. I’m in need of advice, because I’m kind of struggling right now.
I was aware of my partner’s sexuality when we were just friends, and haven’t ever had an issue with it. Even with my sex drive , it has never bothered me that she has little to none, nor has it caused any issues.
However, as of recent, I have noticed I’ve increasingly gotten depressed. Today I have been off and on crying, because in all honesty I’m becoming touch starved. I am a bit of a touchy person (holding hands, hugs, or just laying next to person but touching), and I have never noticed how much I depend on it. I’ve never felt depressed from it before, but I’m starting to feel it. I have no clue how to address this with my partner, and honestly I’m worried it will affect our relationship if I do so. I love her tremendously, and I don’t want to bring this up and make her feel obligated to be touchy with me. Since that would not only push her to do something she isn’t willing to do, but also if she did do it out of obligation, it would make it feel less “good” if that makes sense? She also has a sensory disorder, so she easily is overstimulated with touch, so I try not to be too touchy with her unless she invites it. So I can’t fix it just by hugging her a lot, plus I don’t want to cross a boundary by doing so.
That’s why I’m here, can you guys give me some insight on how you would feel if your partner addressed something like this? Should I leave it be?
Edit to add: Just in case if it isn’t clear, I just need a bit more hugs and hand holding in our relationship. If this is something that you guys think that would be bad to address to an asexual person, I won’t. Again, I love her dearly, and will work around my personal feelings. She still does her best with physical touch on her terms, and it honestly means a lot since I can tell she wants to, not that it’s just a normal thing to do in a relationship. I wanted to clear that up just in case people thought I meant something further than that.
https://redd.it/1pmk0ui
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
why does everything suck being ace
im (24f) an ace lesbian who's currently talking to a woman (31f). one thing i dont understand is why everything has to turn sexual.... why cant a relationship just be platonic/romantic?? the last time i told my ex of 1½ years i think im ace, they left me bc apparently suddenly we weren't compatible 💔💔 i was badly hurt, completely heartbroken. and now in this situation im in rn, im rly scared,, i dont wanna lose this woman bc i dont wanna be left by another person again but at the same time i dont wanna engage myself in an uncomfortable situation and conversation. i wish i had someone to talk to abt this but im very lonely. well if this time it doesnt work again,, then i guess im done for good 😓 i just thought fellow women/lesbians could understand better. i kept following along bc i care abt her and i actually like her but it got to the point where i became super uncomfortable but didnt know how to tell her bc i know she’d probably leave me. im sure right now shes upset at me... but i dont wanna get coerced into doing smth i dont want. its not helping i have abandonment issues either. i hate this so much. every time im involved in something sexual, i get extremely scared for some reason. im so disappointed, the way this woman talks is no different than an allo straight guy being creepy in my reddit dms... i wanna cry so bad
https://redd.it/1pmhruq
@asexualityonreddit
im (24f) an ace lesbian who's currently talking to a woman (31f). one thing i dont understand is why everything has to turn sexual.... why cant a relationship just be platonic/romantic?? the last time i told my ex of 1½ years i think im ace, they left me bc apparently suddenly we weren't compatible 💔💔 i was badly hurt, completely heartbroken. and now in this situation im in rn, im rly scared,, i dont wanna lose this woman bc i dont wanna be left by another person again but at the same time i dont wanna engage myself in an uncomfortable situation and conversation. i wish i had someone to talk to abt this but im very lonely. well if this time it doesnt work again,, then i guess im done for good 😓 i just thought fellow women/lesbians could understand better. i kept following along bc i care abt her and i actually like her but it got to the point where i became super uncomfortable but didnt know how to tell her bc i know she’d probably leave me. im sure right now shes upset at me... but i dont wanna get coerced into doing smth i dont want. its not helping i have abandonment issues either. i hate this so much. every time im involved in something sexual, i get extremely scared for some reason. im so disappointed, the way this woman talks is no different than an allo straight guy being creepy in my reddit dms... i wanna cry so bad
https://redd.it/1pmhruq
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
My friend keeps telling me about her sexual fantasies with her boyfriend and it makes me uncomfortable
I always get grossed out when people talk about sex.I told her to stop telling me all of her fantasies but she’s so excited about it for some reason.She keeps telling me all about it even tho her and her bf haven’t slept together yet.I can’t sympathise with her because I don’t understand her feelings and desires.
https://redd.it/1pmocjc
@asexualityonreddit
I always get grossed out when people talk about sex.I told her to stop telling me all of her fantasies but she’s so excited about it for some reason.She keeps telling me all about it even tho her and her bf haven’t slept together yet.I can’t sympathise with her because I don’t understand her feelings and desires.
https://redd.it/1pmocjc
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the asexuality community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the asexuality community
Am I Asexual?
If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
https://redd.it/1pmz1u1
@asexualityonreddit
If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
https://redd.it/1pmz1u1
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
How can I love if I don't know who I am?
This is gonna be long, sorry. I just need support right now.
For a few years now, I've (20F) considered myself asexual. I don't know where it started and granted, I've had crushes on people and have found them attractive my whole life. Maybe it was because of my Christian upbringing? Or because of my OCD teaching me to correlate sex/sexual thoughts and feelings with harm and bad things happening? But at some point, I started considering myself asexual. I thought maybe Grey ace or ace flux or just flat-out ace. I wish I remembered when this started so maybe I could figure out why and if I really feel this way or if I'm trying to convince myself I do.
The first guy I ever fell in love with was also asexual, so even if I had to question things about myself, they didn't matter. I was neutral enough on the concept of sex that it would never matter. We had to break up, though, due to personal differences.
And then I met my current boyfriend.
I met him on AceSpace, ironically, and we hit it off on there, so I gave him my handle on discord and we'd speak on there for hours. Before our first date, he told me that he wasn't actually asexual, that he just wasn't looking for sex. He asked if that was a dealbreaker and I said no, as long as he didn't want sex, and I asked if my being asexual was a dealbreaker, and he said no.
So he drove 5 hours to see me and we went on a date. And another. And six more. He never tried anything sexual with me (though he did try to kiss me and I dodged so he didn't try again). We went on eight dates and were texting consistently and really liked eachother, so I asked him basically, "what are we" and brought up my concerns for the future, namely my being asexual and possibly not wanting kids. He responded saying that he was glad he took a chance on going out with me and implied he still wanted to but he said that he was "overlooking" the kids thing and that he didn't want to have sex "for a long time".
Obviously, I was like, you can't overlook those things forever. And he slowly started to agree with me. He said he'd never really thought about that aspect of the future very much because we really liked eachother and were enjoying seeing eachother. And we broke up. I was hurt for a while but try to forgive him.
When we broke up, the kids thing was the main reason. But then I realized that I kind of do want a family one day, so I told him that. And then we started talking about sex.
A bit of context here, we're both Christian. He had told me before that he believed sex was sacred, and he also seemed kinda innocent, so I was surprised to find out that he'd actually had a girlfriend a few years ago that he'd had consistent sex with. I know it's silly, but it made me feel kind of insecure and maybe jealous? It made me feel like, if he'd been with this girl who'd so willingly give him what he wants and reciprocate how he wants, what would I ever be in bcomparison?
Since considering himself Christian and adopting the "sex is sacred" value, sex wouldn't be a thing until after marriage. But he said that he'd want to have sex with his wife somewhat regularly and feel desired by her.
And that made me feel useless because what if that's something I could never do?
Being I'm not entirely convinced I'm 100% asexual, I told him I may be able to be intimate with someone one day, but I'm not sure if it'd be as often as he likes. He said he may feel frustrated because of that.
But then he said he wanted to get back together. He apologized for misleading me and said that even if there were hurdles in our future, he'd love me unconditionally.
And unfortunately, I think I may be already in love with him. I told him I couldn't promise how anything would turn out, but I would give us a chance. And it's going so well, I think. Sex is rarely ever discussed because it doesn't need to be right now. Because anything like that is off-limits. And he hasn't tried anything sexual with me. And I know he won't right now, but I'm so afraid that things will continue to go well, and we'll
This is gonna be long, sorry. I just need support right now.
For a few years now, I've (20F) considered myself asexual. I don't know where it started and granted, I've had crushes on people and have found them attractive my whole life. Maybe it was because of my Christian upbringing? Or because of my OCD teaching me to correlate sex/sexual thoughts and feelings with harm and bad things happening? But at some point, I started considering myself asexual. I thought maybe Grey ace or ace flux or just flat-out ace. I wish I remembered when this started so maybe I could figure out why and if I really feel this way or if I'm trying to convince myself I do.
The first guy I ever fell in love with was also asexual, so even if I had to question things about myself, they didn't matter. I was neutral enough on the concept of sex that it would never matter. We had to break up, though, due to personal differences.
And then I met my current boyfriend.
I met him on AceSpace, ironically, and we hit it off on there, so I gave him my handle on discord and we'd speak on there for hours. Before our first date, he told me that he wasn't actually asexual, that he just wasn't looking for sex. He asked if that was a dealbreaker and I said no, as long as he didn't want sex, and I asked if my being asexual was a dealbreaker, and he said no.
So he drove 5 hours to see me and we went on a date. And another. And six more. He never tried anything sexual with me (though he did try to kiss me and I dodged so he didn't try again). We went on eight dates and were texting consistently and really liked eachother, so I asked him basically, "what are we" and brought up my concerns for the future, namely my being asexual and possibly not wanting kids. He responded saying that he was glad he took a chance on going out with me and implied he still wanted to but he said that he was "overlooking" the kids thing and that he didn't want to have sex "for a long time".
Obviously, I was like, you can't overlook those things forever. And he slowly started to agree with me. He said he'd never really thought about that aspect of the future very much because we really liked eachother and were enjoying seeing eachother. And we broke up. I was hurt for a while but try to forgive him.
When we broke up, the kids thing was the main reason. But then I realized that I kind of do want a family one day, so I told him that. And then we started talking about sex.
A bit of context here, we're both Christian. He had told me before that he believed sex was sacred, and he also seemed kinda innocent, so I was surprised to find out that he'd actually had a girlfriend a few years ago that he'd had consistent sex with. I know it's silly, but it made me feel kind of insecure and maybe jealous? It made me feel like, if he'd been with this girl who'd so willingly give him what he wants and reciprocate how he wants, what would I ever be in bcomparison?
Since considering himself Christian and adopting the "sex is sacred" value, sex wouldn't be a thing until after marriage. But he said that he'd want to have sex with his wife somewhat regularly and feel desired by her.
And that made me feel useless because what if that's something I could never do?
Being I'm not entirely convinced I'm 100% asexual, I told him I may be able to be intimate with someone one day, but I'm not sure if it'd be as often as he likes. He said he may feel frustrated because of that.
But then he said he wanted to get back together. He apologized for misleading me and said that even if there were hurdles in our future, he'd love me unconditionally.
And unfortunately, I think I may be already in love with him. I told him I couldn't promise how anything would turn out, but I would give us a chance. And it's going so well, I think. Sex is rarely ever discussed because it doesn't need to be right now. Because anything like that is off-limits. And he hasn't tried anything sexual with me. And I know he won't right now, but I'm so afraid that things will continue to go well, and we'll