Do you feel comfortable wearing revealing clothes as an ace?
I've often wondered how I'd feel about revealing clothes if I wasn't raised by conservative christians- I'm not longer religious, but a lot of that internalized shame surrounding my own body lingers even a decade or so after de-converting. That and well, I'm asexual, and I feel like it'd give people the wrong impression, but at the same time I know that showing skin isn't an invitation.
There's also the whole thing about being AFAB and so many men being creeps. Literally the only time I wore something revealing, some overalls with thigh high socks back when I was maybe 16 on a special occasion, an old guy offered to buy me a drink and was staring at me for like 2 hrs. I kept texting my sibling asking if they could come sooner, worried if I got up to use the bathroom he was going to follow me and do something. Since then, I've been too scared to.
Now there's the option of dressing up in revealing stuff through media, maybe drawing a sona with a lot of skin showing, but even then I worry about people assuming stuff... I remember having to keep reminding my ex-friend I was asexual since I often drew my sona with low cut tops and skirts/shorts that showed thighs. I find them aesthetically pleasing and consider it freeing since so much of my youth was all tied up in shame surrounding the female body.
But at the same time... I wonder if allos who are "accepting" really understand it, cause it feels like they pretend to, only to say flirty stuff and make sexual comments about me much later, once I can just excuse it as just them joking around... idk. I haven't had sex, I don't want sex, I don't experience sexual attraction ever, but I kinda just like wearing certain stuff for the aesthetic. But I worry about the kind of attention I get from it. I worry I attract friends who are just waiting for a chance to get my guard down and make me think I'm just pretending to be ace, you know?
But yea, that's just my experience.
TL;DR For those who wear revealing stuff as an ace, why and how have your experiences been?
https://redd.it/1pm2tjb
@asexualityonreddit
I've often wondered how I'd feel about revealing clothes if I wasn't raised by conservative christians- I'm not longer religious, but a lot of that internalized shame surrounding my own body lingers even a decade or so after de-converting. That and well, I'm asexual, and I feel like it'd give people the wrong impression, but at the same time I know that showing skin isn't an invitation.
There's also the whole thing about being AFAB and so many men being creeps. Literally the only time I wore something revealing, some overalls with thigh high socks back when I was maybe 16 on a special occasion, an old guy offered to buy me a drink and was staring at me for like 2 hrs. I kept texting my sibling asking if they could come sooner, worried if I got up to use the bathroom he was going to follow me and do something. Since then, I've been too scared to.
Now there's the option of dressing up in revealing stuff through media, maybe drawing a sona with a lot of skin showing, but even then I worry about people assuming stuff... I remember having to keep reminding my ex-friend I was asexual since I often drew my sona with low cut tops and skirts/shorts that showed thighs. I find them aesthetically pleasing and consider it freeing since so much of my youth was all tied up in shame surrounding the female body.
But at the same time... I wonder if allos who are "accepting" really understand it, cause it feels like they pretend to, only to say flirty stuff and make sexual comments about me much later, once I can just excuse it as just them joking around... idk. I haven't had sex, I don't want sex, I don't experience sexual attraction ever, but I kinda just like wearing certain stuff for the aesthetic. But I worry about the kind of attention I get from it. I worry I attract friends who are just waiting for a chance to get my guard down and make me think I'm just pretending to be ace, you know?
But yea, that's just my experience.
TL;DR For those who wear revealing stuff as an ace, why and how have your experiences been?
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r / offmychest, Asexual Style
So this isn’t really a vent or rant, and I’m not looking for advice. This is just kind of something I’ve noticed I do, and I went “…Huh.” and can’t really stop ‘huh’ing about it so I’m writing it down. Maybe y’all can relate.
I never have any idea how tf to react when my partner sends me nudes???????
Lemme preface: I’m aroace, my partner is demi. We’ve been long distance for four years. We’ve visited each other, gone on vacations, call every night, are planning on moving in together and being long-term as soon as we’re both done with college. I love him in my own weird little aro way, and I’m very happy.
I’m also sex-ambivalent with a very low libido, and my desire is almost entirely responsive, if it’s even there. Some days I’m down, some days I’m repulsed, most days I don’t give a shit, but it’s never the first thing that comes to mind. He knows this, and respects the hell out of it. We’ve given how we feel in our relationship on its own “a grade of 100%”, and anything sexual is “extra credit”. Always welcome, never necessary. That said, he’s spontaneous, high libido, and flirty. And, because I’ve greenlit it, sometimes we get intimate, either video calls or nudes.
I’ve found it to be easier for me to be involved in a video call, but. Man I just. Like. I get a nude with a flirty message and my first reaction is always something like “Huh. Ok. Cool ass 👍🏼” Don’t get me wrong he’s very handsome but it’s like on par with him sending me a picture of his elbow lmfao. Anyone else?
https://redd.it/1pm351j
@asexualityonreddit
So this isn’t really a vent or rant, and I’m not looking for advice. This is just kind of something I’ve noticed I do, and I went “…Huh.” and can’t really stop ‘huh’ing about it so I’m writing it down. Maybe y’all can relate.
I never have any idea how tf to react when my partner sends me nudes???????
Lemme preface: I’m aroace, my partner is demi. We’ve been long distance for four years. We’ve visited each other, gone on vacations, call every night, are planning on moving in together and being long-term as soon as we’re both done with college. I love him in my own weird little aro way, and I’m very happy.
I’m also sex-ambivalent with a very low libido, and my desire is almost entirely responsive, if it’s even there. Some days I’m down, some days I’m repulsed, most days I don’t give a shit, but it’s never the first thing that comes to mind. He knows this, and respects the hell out of it. We’ve given how we feel in our relationship on its own “a grade of 100%”, and anything sexual is “extra credit”. Always welcome, never necessary. That said, he’s spontaneous, high libido, and flirty. And, because I’ve greenlit it, sometimes we get intimate, either video calls or nudes.
I’ve found it to be easier for me to be involved in a video call, but. Man I just. Like. I get a nude with a flirty message and my first reaction is always something like “Huh. Ok. Cool ass 👍🏼” Don’t get me wrong he’s very handsome but it’s like on par with him sending me a picture of his elbow lmfao. Anyone else?
https://redd.it/1pm351j
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Update (?): Boyfriend wanted to sleep with me last night
So early today I had made a post about how my boyfriend got drunk and basically made moves to try and sleep with me which were unsuccessful.
He came over tonight and he had no memory of the previous night. All he remembered was vaguely cuddling on top of me. I didn't give him all the details but he was very embarrassed and was apologizing to me. I didn't think he needed to apologize or feel bad about it since he was drunk and clearly wasn't thinking straight. He had brought over more alcohol tonight but I told him I didn't want him drinking it after last night and he said he understood. This was after he asked how I felt about him drinking.
We watched a movie and he was a little extra clingy and cuddly during it but I understand that since it's been a while since we have gotten to see each other consistently. I've been away at college nearly 2 hours away in another state and yesterday was the first time in about a month we've seen each other. There was one moment when he tried to pull me to lay/sit on top of him but I told him no and he apologized. Actually proud of myself for being able to say no (I took the advice of some comments and grew a backbone).
My mom told my dad and both of them think it was hilarious. My dad is joking that my boyfriend is finally acting like a real man by making a move on me and both my parents said I need to get used to this if I expect/want to stay in any kind of relationship. My mom also plans to gossip this to her coworkers as a funny story so I don't think I'll ever be able to hangout at my mom's work while on school breaks ever again if she actually tells them about how I freaked out when my drunk boyfriend made an attempt to sleep with me.
So that's where things are now. My boyfriend's not a predator. I definitely think the way I wrote out what happened made it seem that way because of how frazzled I was but he was very apologetic for what he did and said he feels guilty for "sexually assaulting" me, even though I don't see that as what he did/what happened. I know some people were telling me to break up with him, but I really care about him. He's my first kiss, first proper relationship, we're highschool sweethearts (he's still in highschool though lol) and he's also one of my only real friends. I don't want to throw that all away because of him acting stupid while under the influence.
I guess the positive to this whole situation is I 100% know I'm definitely aroace and sex repulsed if it's not for reproduction, and that my boyfriend now knows he gets drunk very quickly even on just a little bit of alcohol.
https://redd.it/1pm6o6b
@asexualityonreddit
So early today I had made a post about how my boyfriend got drunk and basically made moves to try and sleep with me which were unsuccessful.
He came over tonight and he had no memory of the previous night. All he remembered was vaguely cuddling on top of me. I didn't give him all the details but he was very embarrassed and was apologizing to me. I didn't think he needed to apologize or feel bad about it since he was drunk and clearly wasn't thinking straight. He had brought over more alcohol tonight but I told him I didn't want him drinking it after last night and he said he understood. This was after he asked how I felt about him drinking.
We watched a movie and he was a little extra clingy and cuddly during it but I understand that since it's been a while since we have gotten to see each other consistently. I've been away at college nearly 2 hours away in another state and yesterday was the first time in about a month we've seen each other. There was one moment when he tried to pull me to lay/sit on top of him but I told him no and he apologized. Actually proud of myself for being able to say no (I took the advice of some comments and grew a backbone).
My mom told my dad and both of them think it was hilarious. My dad is joking that my boyfriend is finally acting like a real man by making a move on me and both my parents said I need to get used to this if I expect/want to stay in any kind of relationship. My mom also plans to gossip this to her coworkers as a funny story so I don't think I'll ever be able to hangout at my mom's work while on school breaks ever again if she actually tells them about how I freaked out when my drunk boyfriend made an attempt to sleep with me.
So that's where things are now. My boyfriend's not a predator. I definitely think the way I wrote out what happened made it seem that way because of how frazzled I was but he was very apologetic for what he did and said he feels guilty for "sexually assaulting" me, even though I don't see that as what he did/what happened. I know some people were telling me to break up with him, but I really care about him. He's my first kiss, first proper relationship, we're highschool sweethearts (he's still in highschool though lol) and he's also one of my only real friends. I don't want to throw that all away because of him acting stupid while under the influence.
I guess the positive to this whole situation is I 100% know I'm definitely aroace and sex repulsed if it's not for reproduction, and that my boyfriend now knows he gets drunk very quickly even on just a little bit of alcohol.
https://redd.it/1pm6o6b
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Need advice
I (14M) believe i like a girl in my class (16 maybe 17F) but i don't know how to talk to her also I'm not sure if i actually like her or if I'm tricking myself into believing i am because everyone else either likes people or is already dating, I'm a freshman and she is a junior so i am also not sure how acceptable this would be for a relationship, but mainly I'm afraid that if i did ever talk to her i would have no idea of how to tell her I'm Ace especially because i feel like it would be a deal breaker for most people who aren't Ace or don't know about how Ace works.
https://redd.it/1pmat28
@asexualityonreddit
I (14M) believe i like a girl in my class (16 maybe 17F) but i don't know how to talk to her also I'm not sure if i actually like her or if I'm tricking myself into believing i am because everyone else either likes people or is already dating, I'm a freshman and she is a junior so i am also not sure how acceptable this would be for a relationship, but mainly I'm afraid that if i did ever talk to her i would have no idea of how to tell her I'm Ace especially because i feel like it would be a deal breaker for most people who aren't Ace or don't know about how Ace works.
https://redd.it/1pmat28
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Maybe controversial: But as an asexual who genuinely does not understand sex, reading people being like this makes me terrified of even trying to date other asexual people
https://redd.it/1pm92r9
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https://redd.it/1pm92r9
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What brings you pleasure?
Since many or most of us here may not have sex or masturbate for pleasure, what do you do instead? Do you have anything else that brings you euphoric pleasure? For me, sometimes I get aroused when I travel, and it feels like the meaning of everything. Also, spending time to put together collections or learn about collections.
https://redd.it/1pmdd60
@asexualityonreddit
Since many or most of us here may not have sex or masturbate for pleasure, what do you do instead? Do you have anything else that brings you euphoric pleasure? For me, sometimes I get aroused when I travel, and it feels like the meaning of everything. Also, spending time to put together collections or learn about collections.
https://redd.it/1pmdd60
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yo. so like. garlic bread enjoyers. rate my new profile (it's totally swaggerity swag swaggers and if you say otherwise you're just jealous /j)
https://redd.it/1pm8256
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TW: Unwanted sexual thoughts/sensations - I need help dealing with them
For context I'm a 20 yo ace, trans guy (pre-T if relevant)
For the past week or so, I've been having this weird thoughts, physical sensations and just feeling uncomfortably "aware" of my lower body. They're very new to me and IDK how to deal with them. I only have a bit of experience w self-pleasure when I was younger but then I just lost interest in it and haven't tried it in years nor intend to. All things considered I've never felt any genuine "mental" pleasure ever.
I thought maybe I was just really stressed with my finals exams and maybe that was just how my body was reacting or whatever, but even after my exams it's still the same. Maybe even worse. I literally cannot focus on things. My mind keeps thinking of all this nasty stuff and I hate it, that's not me :(
These thoughts don't align with my sexuality either. I'm not paranoid about my being trans or anything, but it's just really upsetting and weird.
I'm looking for advice/tips on how I can deal with this, make it go away. How to deal with such intrusive thoughts and physical discomfort?
https://redd.it/1pmgx2b
@asexualityonreddit
For context I'm a 20 yo ace, trans guy (pre-T if relevant)
For the past week or so, I've been having this weird thoughts, physical sensations and just feeling uncomfortably "aware" of my lower body. They're very new to me and IDK how to deal with them. I only have a bit of experience w self-pleasure when I was younger but then I just lost interest in it and haven't tried it in years nor intend to. All things considered I've never felt any genuine "mental" pleasure ever.
I thought maybe I was just really stressed with my finals exams and maybe that was just how my body was reacting or whatever, but even after my exams it's still the same. Maybe even worse. I literally cannot focus on things. My mind keeps thinking of all this nasty stuff and I hate it, that's not me :(
These thoughts don't align with my sexuality either. I'm not paranoid about my being trans or anything, but it's just really upsetting and weird.
I'm looking for advice/tips on how I can deal with this, make it go away. How to deal with such intrusive thoughts and physical discomfort?
https://redd.it/1pmgx2b
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Got harassed by a friend after discussing asexuality all night
Literally I even have a massive ace flag above my headboard. He made comments about “31 times he could have slapped my ass” that night and something about giving me head but i wouldn’t like that or something?? There were other things too. Babes we’ve talked about how I’m sex repulsed literally half the night!! He was ALL up in my space. It’s frustrating but I cut him off. And he had the audacity to ask what he did wrong and what made me uncomfortable. Nope! Not my friend anymore! Byeeeee
https://redd.it/1pmhpxc
@asexualityonreddit
Literally I even have a massive ace flag above my headboard. He made comments about “31 times he could have slapped my ass” that night and something about giving me head but i wouldn’t like that or something?? There were other things too. Babes we’ve talked about how I’m sex repulsed literally half the night!! He was ALL up in my space. It’s frustrating but I cut him off. And he had the audacity to ask what he did wrong and what made me uncomfortable. Nope! Not my friend anymore! Byeeeee
https://redd.it/1pmhpxc
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I need of advice
Hello! I am not asexual, but I have a partner who is asexual. I’m in need of advice, because I’m kind of struggling right now.
I was aware of my partner’s sexuality when we were just friends, and haven’t ever had an issue with it. Even with my sex drive , it has never bothered me that she has little to none, nor has it caused any issues.
However, as of recent, I have noticed I’ve increasingly gotten depressed. Today I have been off and on crying, because in all honesty I’m becoming touch starved. I am a bit of a touchy person (holding hands, hugs, or just laying next to person but touching), and I have never noticed how much I depend on it. I’ve never felt depressed from it before, but I’m starting to feel it. I have no clue how to address this with my partner, and honestly I’m worried it will affect our relationship if I do so. I love her tremendously, and I don’t want to bring this up and make her feel obligated to be touchy with me. Since that would not only push her to do something she isn’t willing to do, but also if she did do it out of obligation, it would make it feel less “good” if that makes sense? She also has a sensory disorder, so she easily is overstimulated with touch, so I try not to be too touchy with her unless she invites it. So I can’t fix it just by hugging her a lot, plus I don’t want to cross a boundary by doing so.
That’s why I’m here, can you guys give me some insight on how you would feel if your partner addressed something like this? Should I leave it be?
Edit to add: Just in case if it isn’t clear, I just need a bit more hugs and hand holding in our relationship. If this is something that you guys think that would be bad to address to an asexual person, I won’t. Again, I love her dearly, and will work around my personal feelings. She still does her best with physical touch on her terms, and it honestly means a lot since I can tell she wants to, not that it’s just a normal thing to do in a relationship. I wanted to clear that up just in case people thought I meant something further than that.
https://redd.it/1pmk0ui
@asexualityonreddit
Hello! I am not asexual, but I have a partner who is asexual. I’m in need of advice, because I’m kind of struggling right now.
I was aware of my partner’s sexuality when we were just friends, and haven’t ever had an issue with it. Even with my sex drive , it has never bothered me that she has little to none, nor has it caused any issues.
However, as of recent, I have noticed I’ve increasingly gotten depressed. Today I have been off and on crying, because in all honesty I’m becoming touch starved. I am a bit of a touchy person (holding hands, hugs, or just laying next to person but touching), and I have never noticed how much I depend on it. I’ve never felt depressed from it before, but I’m starting to feel it. I have no clue how to address this with my partner, and honestly I’m worried it will affect our relationship if I do so. I love her tremendously, and I don’t want to bring this up and make her feel obligated to be touchy with me. Since that would not only push her to do something she isn’t willing to do, but also if she did do it out of obligation, it would make it feel less “good” if that makes sense? She also has a sensory disorder, so she easily is overstimulated with touch, so I try not to be too touchy with her unless she invites it. So I can’t fix it just by hugging her a lot, plus I don’t want to cross a boundary by doing so.
That’s why I’m here, can you guys give me some insight on how you would feel if your partner addressed something like this? Should I leave it be?
Edit to add: Just in case if it isn’t clear, I just need a bit more hugs and hand holding in our relationship. If this is something that you guys think that would be bad to address to an asexual person, I won’t. Again, I love her dearly, and will work around my personal feelings. She still does her best with physical touch on her terms, and it honestly means a lot since I can tell she wants to, not that it’s just a normal thing to do in a relationship. I wanted to clear that up just in case people thought I meant something further than that.
https://redd.it/1pmk0ui
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why does everything suck being ace
im (24f) an ace lesbian who's currently talking to a woman (31f). one thing i dont understand is why everything has to turn sexual.... why cant a relationship just be platonic/romantic?? the last time i told my ex of 1½ years i think im ace, they left me bc apparently suddenly we weren't compatible 💔💔 i was badly hurt, completely heartbroken. and now in this situation im in rn, im rly scared,, i dont wanna lose this woman bc i dont wanna be left by another person again but at the same time i dont wanna engage myself in an uncomfortable situation and conversation. i wish i had someone to talk to abt this but im very lonely. well if this time it doesnt work again,, then i guess im done for good 😓 i just thought fellow women/lesbians could understand better. i kept following along bc i care abt her and i actually like her but it got to the point where i became super uncomfortable but didnt know how to tell her bc i know she’d probably leave me. im sure right now shes upset at me... but i dont wanna get coerced into doing smth i dont want. its not helping i have abandonment issues either. i hate this so much. every time im involved in something sexual, i get extremely scared for some reason. im so disappointed, the way this woman talks is no different than an allo straight guy being creepy in my reddit dms... i wanna cry so bad
https://redd.it/1pmhruq
@asexualityonreddit
im (24f) an ace lesbian who's currently talking to a woman (31f). one thing i dont understand is why everything has to turn sexual.... why cant a relationship just be platonic/romantic?? the last time i told my ex of 1½ years i think im ace, they left me bc apparently suddenly we weren't compatible 💔💔 i was badly hurt, completely heartbroken. and now in this situation im in rn, im rly scared,, i dont wanna lose this woman bc i dont wanna be left by another person again but at the same time i dont wanna engage myself in an uncomfortable situation and conversation. i wish i had someone to talk to abt this but im very lonely. well if this time it doesnt work again,, then i guess im done for good 😓 i just thought fellow women/lesbians could understand better. i kept following along bc i care abt her and i actually like her but it got to the point where i became super uncomfortable but didnt know how to tell her bc i know she’d probably leave me. im sure right now shes upset at me... but i dont wanna get coerced into doing smth i dont want. its not helping i have abandonment issues either. i hate this so much. every time im involved in something sexual, i get extremely scared for some reason. im so disappointed, the way this woman talks is no different than an allo straight guy being creepy in my reddit dms... i wanna cry so bad
https://redd.it/1pmhruq
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My friend keeps telling me about her sexual fantasies with her boyfriend and it makes me uncomfortable
I always get grossed out when people talk about sex.I told her to stop telling me all of her fantasies but she’s so excited about it for some reason.She keeps telling me all about it even tho her and her bf haven’t slept together yet.I can’t sympathise with her because I don’t understand her feelings and desires.
https://redd.it/1pmocjc
@asexualityonreddit
I always get grossed out when people talk about sex.I told her to stop telling me all of her fantasies but she’s so excited about it for some reason.She keeps telling me all about it even tho her and her bf haven’t slept together yet.I can’t sympathise with her because I don’t understand her feelings and desires.
https://redd.it/1pmocjc
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