Am I Asexual?
If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
https://redd.it/1pmz1u1
@asexualityonreddit
If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.
If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.
https://redd.it/1pmz1u1
@asexualityonreddit
Reddit
From the Asexual community on Reddit
Explore this post and more from the Asexual community
How can I love if I don't know who I am?
This is gonna be long, sorry. I just need support right now.
For a few years now, I've (20F) considered myself asexual. I don't know where it started and granted, I've had crushes on people and have found them attractive my whole life. Maybe it was because of my Christian upbringing? Or because of my OCD teaching me to correlate sex/sexual thoughts and feelings with harm and bad things happening? But at some point, I started considering myself asexual. I thought maybe Grey ace or ace flux or just flat-out ace. I wish I remembered when this started so maybe I could figure out why and if I really feel this way or if I'm trying to convince myself I do.
The first guy I ever fell in love with was also asexual, so even if I had to question things about myself, they didn't matter. I was neutral enough on the concept of sex that it would never matter. We had to break up, though, due to personal differences.
And then I met my current boyfriend.
I met him on AceSpace, ironically, and we hit it off on there, so I gave him my handle on discord and we'd speak on there for hours. Before our first date, he told me that he wasn't actually asexual, that he just wasn't looking for sex. He asked if that was a dealbreaker and I said no, as long as he didn't want sex, and I asked if my being asexual was a dealbreaker, and he said no.
So he drove 5 hours to see me and we went on a date. And another. And six more. He never tried anything sexual with me (though he did try to kiss me and I dodged so he didn't try again). We went on eight dates and were texting consistently and really liked eachother, so I asked him basically, "what are we" and brought up my concerns for the future, namely my being asexual and possibly not wanting kids. He responded saying that he was glad he took a chance on going out with me and implied he still wanted to but he said that he was "overlooking" the kids thing and that he didn't want to have sex "for a long time".
Obviously, I was like, you can't overlook those things forever. And he slowly started to agree with me. He said he'd never really thought about that aspect of the future very much because we really liked eachother and were enjoying seeing eachother. And we broke up. I was hurt for a while but try to forgive him.
When we broke up, the kids thing was the main reason. But then I realized that I kind of do want a family one day, so I told him that. And then we started talking about sex.
A bit of context here, we're both Christian. He had told me before that he believed sex was sacred, and he also seemed kinda innocent, so I was surprised to find out that he'd actually had a girlfriend a few years ago that he'd had consistent sex with. I know it's silly, but it made me feel kind of insecure and maybe jealous? It made me feel like, if he'd been with this girl who'd so willingly give him what he wants and reciprocate how he wants, what would I ever be in bcomparison?
Since considering himself Christian and adopting the "sex is sacred" value, sex wouldn't be a thing until after marriage. But he said that he'd want to have sex with his wife somewhat regularly and feel desired by her.
And that made me feel useless because what if that's something I could never do?
Being I'm not entirely convinced I'm 100% asexual, I told him I may be able to be intimate with someone one day, but I'm not sure if it'd be as often as he likes. He said he may feel frustrated because of that.
But then he said he wanted to get back together. He apologized for misleading me and said that even if there were hurdles in our future, he'd love me unconditionally.
And unfortunately, I think I may be already in love with him. I told him I couldn't promise how anything would turn out, but I would give us a chance. And it's going so well, I think. Sex is rarely ever discussed because it doesn't need to be right now. Because anything like that is off-limits. And he hasn't tried anything sexual with me. And I know he won't right now, but I'm so afraid that things will continue to go well, and we'll
This is gonna be long, sorry. I just need support right now.
For a few years now, I've (20F) considered myself asexual. I don't know where it started and granted, I've had crushes on people and have found them attractive my whole life. Maybe it was because of my Christian upbringing? Or because of my OCD teaching me to correlate sex/sexual thoughts and feelings with harm and bad things happening? But at some point, I started considering myself asexual. I thought maybe Grey ace or ace flux or just flat-out ace. I wish I remembered when this started so maybe I could figure out why and if I really feel this way or if I'm trying to convince myself I do.
The first guy I ever fell in love with was also asexual, so even if I had to question things about myself, they didn't matter. I was neutral enough on the concept of sex that it would never matter. We had to break up, though, due to personal differences.
And then I met my current boyfriend.
I met him on AceSpace, ironically, and we hit it off on there, so I gave him my handle on discord and we'd speak on there for hours. Before our first date, he told me that he wasn't actually asexual, that he just wasn't looking for sex. He asked if that was a dealbreaker and I said no, as long as he didn't want sex, and I asked if my being asexual was a dealbreaker, and he said no.
So he drove 5 hours to see me and we went on a date. And another. And six more. He never tried anything sexual with me (though he did try to kiss me and I dodged so he didn't try again). We went on eight dates and were texting consistently and really liked eachother, so I asked him basically, "what are we" and brought up my concerns for the future, namely my being asexual and possibly not wanting kids. He responded saying that he was glad he took a chance on going out with me and implied he still wanted to but he said that he was "overlooking" the kids thing and that he didn't want to have sex "for a long time".
Obviously, I was like, you can't overlook those things forever. And he slowly started to agree with me. He said he'd never really thought about that aspect of the future very much because we really liked eachother and were enjoying seeing eachother. And we broke up. I was hurt for a while but try to forgive him.
When we broke up, the kids thing was the main reason. But then I realized that I kind of do want a family one day, so I told him that. And then we started talking about sex.
A bit of context here, we're both Christian. He had told me before that he believed sex was sacred, and he also seemed kinda innocent, so I was surprised to find out that he'd actually had a girlfriend a few years ago that he'd had consistent sex with. I know it's silly, but it made me feel kind of insecure and maybe jealous? It made me feel like, if he'd been with this girl who'd so willingly give him what he wants and reciprocate how he wants, what would I ever be in bcomparison?
Since considering himself Christian and adopting the "sex is sacred" value, sex wouldn't be a thing until after marriage. But he said that he'd want to have sex with his wife somewhat regularly and feel desired by her.
And that made me feel useless because what if that's something I could never do?
Being I'm not entirely convinced I'm 100% asexual, I told him I may be able to be intimate with someone one day, but I'm not sure if it'd be as often as he likes. He said he may feel frustrated because of that.
But then he said he wanted to get back together. He apologized for misleading me and said that even if there were hurdles in our future, he'd love me unconditionally.
And unfortunately, I think I may be already in love with him. I told him I couldn't promise how anything would turn out, but I would give us a chance. And it's going so well, I think. Sex is rarely ever discussed because it doesn't need to be right now. Because anything like that is off-limits. And he hasn't tried anything sexual with me. And I know he won't right now, but I'm so afraid that things will continue to go well, and we'll
be really in love, and then I'll ruin everything. I'll be wrong and I won't be what he wants.
I like when we kiss (we kiss a lot). I get butterflies sometimes when he touches me. Sometimes, I feel really good. Sometimes, I think, "Maybe I could lowkey get a little freaky with this dude." And I feel confident. And I feel good. And I think I can be like everyone else and my aversion to sex is because of fear and upbringing and trauma.
But recently, I started spiraling again. I was thinking of making out with him and enjoying it and then I thought, "one day, if you're married, and you make out like this, it'll only have one outcome." And that really hurt. And I couldn't get that out of my head. How someday, if we're married, if I kiss his neck or his lips, if I slow dance with him or cuddle up next to him in bed, he'll want something from me. And I know that's silly. I know that there can still be innocent affection between couples. But I'm afraid there won't be enough and that I'll feel bad and like I'm leading him on if I reject him that night.
And sometimes, I scare myself. I can imagine myself being intimate with him, and it not being scary, and him being kind to me, and him not hurting me. I can imagine myself maybe enjoying it. But when I do that, I sort of feel like I'm betraying some part of myself. That if I allow myself to be sexual, that's all I'll be, and that I'll feel disgusted with myself. That I won't know how to find a balance. That I'll send signals wrong.
I told myself, "Well, if I'm not all-the-way asexual and am into this guy, what's the problem?" But the problem is, sexuality opens a billion other confusing doors, and bottom line is, I'm scared. I'm so scared that if I do have sex with him, he'll see me differently. That it'll be all he wants. That I'll hate it and be stuck doing it forever.
I know this is so dumb with this being a relatively new relationship—we've known eachother for about 5 months and have only been "dating" for a few weeks—but it's so hard for me not to ruminate on all this and worry and worry and worry till I'm sick—again, I have an anxiety disorder.
I want to feel normal like everyone else and to feel like I can let the relationship progress naturally, without worrying about these things that wouldn't be relevant for years and I have no way of knowing, but part of me just feels bad. Some part of me will never be normal because I'm mentally ill, but I'm afraid I'll never be able to behave like everyone else in a relationship. I'm so afraid I'll screw everything up and things will get serious and by then it'll be too late. And things are already kind of serious, because I think I'm in love with him. I love his voice and the silly things he says and his eyes and his lips and his hair and the way he smells and how he always thinks of me and how he puts his arm around me and all his dumb little antics. I love him, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to run away from a guy I love just because I'm scared, but I don't know how to stop being scared. I'm so afraid I'll let him down and we'll be trapped together miserably and he'll end up resenting me, because, what if it never comes naturally to me? What if all my insecurities are right? What if I end up disgusted?
I don't know what to do and I can't stop thinking about it. What even is the right thing to do? I'm tired of running from things that scare me, but what if I really am too messed up for things to work?
I haven't seen him in a few weeks due to work, weather, and me getting sick. I want to talk to him about my fears in person. Maybe after I see him, after I kiss him and speak to him and feel again that I can trust him, things will feel okay and I'll realize I've been torturing myself for days over nothing. Maybe. I hope so.
I've got Christmas presents for him and hope to see him soon. That scares me, too. Exchanging presents and having little reminders of eachother.
Ok lowkey I need to calm down probably. I don't know. I just need someone to speak to.
Sorry for how long this was. I just need help,
I like when we kiss (we kiss a lot). I get butterflies sometimes when he touches me. Sometimes, I feel really good. Sometimes, I think, "Maybe I could lowkey get a little freaky with this dude." And I feel confident. And I feel good. And I think I can be like everyone else and my aversion to sex is because of fear and upbringing and trauma.
But recently, I started spiraling again. I was thinking of making out with him and enjoying it and then I thought, "one day, if you're married, and you make out like this, it'll only have one outcome." And that really hurt. And I couldn't get that out of my head. How someday, if we're married, if I kiss his neck or his lips, if I slow dance with him or cuddle up next to him in bed, he'll want something from me. And I know that's silly. I know that there can still be innocent affection between couples. But I'm afraid there won't be enough and that I'll feel bad and like I'm leading him on if I reject him that night.
And sometimes, I scare myself. I can imagine myself being intimate with him, and it not being scary, and him being kind to me, and him not hurting me. I can imagine myself maybe enjoying it. But when I do that, I sort of feel like I'm betraying some part of myself. That if I allow myself to be sexual, that's all I'll be, and that I'll feel disgusted with myself. That I won't know how to find a balance. That I'll send signals wrong.
I told myself, "Well, if I'm not all-the-way asexual and am into this guy, what's the problem?" But the problem is, sexuality opens a billion other confusing doors, and bottom line is, I'm scared. I'm so scared that if I do have sex with him, he'll see me differently. That it'll be all he wants. That I'll hate it and be stuck doing it forever.
I know this is so dumb with this being a relatively new relationship—we've known eachother for about 5 months and have only been "dating" for a few weeks—but it's so hard for me not to ruminate on all this and worry and worry and worry till I'm sick—again, I have an anxiety disorder.
I want to feel normal like everyone else and to feel like I can let the relationship progress naturally, without worrying about these things that wouldn't be relevant for years and I have no way of knowing, but part of me just feels bad. Some part of me will never be normal because I'm mentally ill, but I'm afraid I'll never be able to behave like everyone else in a relationship. I'm so afraid I'll screw everything up and things will get serious and by then it'll be too late. And things are already kind of serious, because I think I'm in love with him. I love his voice and the silly things he says and his eyes and his lips and his hair and the way he smells and how he always thinks of me and how he puts his arm around me and all his dumb little antics. I love him, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to run away from a guy I love just because I'm scared, but I don't know how to stop being scared. I'm so afraid I'll let him down and we'll be trapped together miserably and he'll end up resenting me, because, what if it never comes naturally to me? What if all my insecurities are right? What if I end up disgusted?
I don't know what to do and I can't stop thinking about it. What even is the right thing to do? I'm tired of running from things that scare me, but what if I really am too messed up for things to work?
I haven't seen him in a few weeks due to work, weather, and me getting sick. I want to talk to him about my fears in person. Maybe after I see him, after I kiss him and speak to him and feel again that I can trust him, things will feel okay and I'll realize I've been torturing myself for days over nothing. Maybe. I hope so.
I've got Christmas presents for him and hope to see him soon. That scares me, too. Exchanging presents and having little reminders of eachother.
Ok lowkey I need to calm down probably. I don't know. I just need someone to speak to.
Sorry for how long this was. I just need help,
Are you supposed to feel something?
Okay idk this has just been on my mind for a while and I wanna get it off my chest. I’m aroace-spec btw.
Essentially, when you touch someone are you supposed to feel something?
Context: When I hug family members I’m usually trying to convey that I love them. When I cuddle or hug my immediate family members I’m just happy that they exist. When I hug my friends (especially my long distance ones) I’m trying to let them know that I appreciate them and especially one of them I’m making sure they don’t get too sad bc they easily miss the friend group.
Now there have been times where I’d experience sensual attraction sometimes directed and sometimes not just like a curiosity thing. I kinda explored that with a new friend where I’m not interested in dating them but felt comfortable if I was to hold their arm and if we were to kiss. Yet holding their arm just felt like holding their arm. I’ve also seen in film like two people accidentally brushing hands when passing something like a box. I tried it and didn’t feel anything. When a guy tried to physically flirt with me by holding my hand just felt like my hand was being held. I guess I just didn’t experience a feeling once fulfilling the curiosity where I wanted to experience it again, like it was underwhelming.
I guess I’m just confused if the spark or nervousness people mention in regards to touch is in relation to experiencing romantic attraction and/or sexual attraction. Like often times I just perceive touch with someone as purely physical. Like just holding an arm, holding a hand, two lips pressed against each other. With certain family and friends I can recognize why I hug them. And I understand there’s like the release of happy hormones with some touch or some touch being emotionally I guess bonding.
I sometimes feel like I’m searching for a feeling and I don’t understand what it is. What is the spark? Is it okay to not feel anything from touch?
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Okay idk this has just been on my mind for a while and I wanna get it off my chest. I’m aroace-spec btw.
Essentially, when you touch someone are you supposed to feel something?
Context: When I hug family members I’m usually trying to convey that I love them. When I cuddle or hug my immediate family members I’m just happy that they exist. When I hug my friends (especially my long distance ones) I’m trying to let them know that I appreciate them and especially one of them I’m making sure they don’t get too sad bc they easily miss the friend group.
Now there have been times where I’d experience sensual attraction sometimes directed and sometimes not just like a curiosity thing. I kinda explored that with a new friend where I’m not interested in dating them but felt comfortable if I was to hold their arm and if we were to kiss. Yet holding their arm just felt like holding their arm. I’ve also seen in film like two people accidentally brushing hands when passing something like a box. I tried it and didn’t feel anything. When a guy tried to physically flirt with me by holding my hand just felt like my hand was being held. I guess I just didn’t experience a feeling once fulfilling the curiosity where I wanted to experience it again, like it was underwhelming.
I guess I’m just confused if the spark or nervousness people mention in regards to touch is in relation to experiencing romantic attraction and/or sexual attraction. Like often times I just perceive touch with someone as purely physical. Like just holding an arm, holding a hand, two lips pressed against each other. With certain family and friends I can recognize why I hug them. And I understand there’s like the release of happy hormones with some touch or some touch being emotionally I guess bonding.
I sometimes feel like I’m searching for a feeling and I don’t understand what it is. What is the spark? Is it okay to not feel anything from touch?
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Why do some people in 2025 still believe that men can't be friends with women and vice versa? I don't understand how we can know so much yet know so little
Why do some people in 2025 still believe that men can't be friends with women and vice versa? I don't understand how we can know so much yet know so little
I (23M) have managed to be friends of the opposite gender better over the years due to deconstructing my mind and realizing that not every attraction i feel towards a woman is actually romantic.
Some of it is platonic as well without me realizing it at the time
I've deconstructed so much about how i view love and what love can mean to me as well as others
And its made my connections feel more organic and beautiful
https://redd.it/1pn5i4c
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Why do some people in 2025 still believe that men can't be friends with women and vice versa? I don't understand how we can know so much yet know so little
I (23M) have managed to be friends of the opposite gender better over the years due to deconstructing my mind and realizing that not every attraction i feel towards a woman is actually romantic.
Some of it is platonic as well without me realizing it at the time
I've deconstructed so much about how i view love and what love can mean to me as well as others
And its made my connections feel more organic and beautiful
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I simply think our colors are one of the best color combinations ever! Just my opinion... 🖤🩶🤍💜
In any case, I wear these colors quite often. I took this photo a few days ago
https://redd.it/1pn6f75
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In any case, I wear these colors quite often. I took this photo a few days ago
https://redd.it/1pn6f75
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When everyone is wondering why you've never shown interest in women or men:
https://redd.it/1pn8egd
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About the difference between friends and lovers as an asexual
I often see people say that the main thing separating friends and lovers is sexual attraction. That makes sense for allosexual people, but as an asexual, I struggle to understand how that applies to us.
If sexual attraction isn’t part of the equation, what actually distinguishes a romantic relationship from a close friendship? Is it intention, exclusivity, emotional commitment, labels, expectations, or something else?
For example, when two people talk every day, call, support each other emotionally, and feel close, what makes that “romantic” rather than just a deep friendship if sex isn’t a factor?
I’m not questioning whether romantic asexual relationships are real. I’m trying to understand how other ace people personally draw that line, or if the line even exists for them.
Would like to hear different perspectives.
https://redd.it/1pn3w01
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I often see people say that the main thing separating friends and lovers is sexual attraction. That makes sense for allosexual people, but as an asexual, I struggle to understand how that applies to us.
If sexual attraction isn’t part of the equation, what actually distinguishes a romantic relationship from a close friendship? Is it intention, exclusivity, emotional commitment, labels, expectations, or something else?
For example, when two people talk every day, call, support each other emotionally, and feel close, what makes that “romantic” rather than just a deep friendship if sex isn’t a factor?
I’m not questioning whether romantic asexual relationships are real. I’m trying to understand how other ace people personally draw that line, or if the line even exists for them.
Would like to hear different perspectives.
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So apparently I might be asexual
I’m 17 and over the summer, at my school’s marching band camp, I met this girl and almost instantly had a crush on her, and it lasted all the way through the marching band season. But during that time I never once had a sexual thought about her. At first I thought that was just normal but recently one of my friends told me that most people think about having sex with a lot of people they find attractive, and I realized that I never had for anyone. Whenever I do think about sex it’s not with a specific person, and when I try to put a real person into those thoughts it almost feels wrong. I’m not against sex but I just don’t have sexual thoughts about people.
https://redd.it/1pne9si
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I’m 17 and over the summer, at my school’s marching band camp, I met this girl and almost instantly had a crush on her, and it lasted all the way through the marching band season. But during that time I never once had a sexual thought about her. At first I thought that was just normal but recently one of my friends told me that most people think about having sex with a lot of people they find attractive, and I realized that I never had for anyone. Whenever I do think about sex it’s not with a specific person, and when I try to put a real person into those thoughts it almost feels wrong. I’m not against sex but I just don’t have sexual thoughts about people.
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Asexual "dysphoria"?
Any other asexuals feeling bothered by their sexuality as they're getting older?
Everything was hunky dory in my teens to early twenties but now I'm almost 30 and I'm feeling/noticing my asexuality way more in ways I didn't when I was younger.
All others I know my age are starting families and marrying, not as much time to hang out. Feels like my sexuality's this niche life altering thing most people won't even hear about.
Been in various ace circles for almost a decade at this point. And after a year of opening to chatting/meeting, sometimes dating others through various means I've noticed that I have real hard time relating to other aces. Which doesn't really help the situation. Feels like most of the aces I see/talk to are either too young to relate to, upset at allosexuality or prefer to talk about fictional stuff like fandom, which doesn't intrest as much nowadays. I feel a bit out of place wherever I go.
Tried to talk about this with a therapists but they straight up didn't understand what I was talking about, instead thinking I was infertile or some shit. It's a shot in the dark but can any other "aging" aces relate to this state of dysphoria?
(Maybe I'm just depressed or it's an early midlife crisis idk lol)
https://redd.it/1pnealt
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Any other asexuals feeling bothered by their sexuality as they're getting older?
Everything was hunky dory in my teens to early twenties but now I'm almost 30 and I'm feeling/noticing my asexuality way more in ways I didn't when I was younger.
All others I know my age are starting families and marrying, not as much time to hang out. Feels like my sexuality's this niche life altering thing most people won't even hear about.
Been in various ace circles for almost a decade at this point. And after a year of opening to chatting/meeting, sometimes dating others through various means I've noticed that I have real hard time relating to other aces. Which doesn't really help the situation. Feels like most of the aces I see/talk to are either too young to relate to, upset at allosexuality or prefer to talk about fictional stuff like fandom, which doesn't intrest as much nowadays. I feel a bit out of place wherever I go.
Tried to talk about this with a therapists but they straight up didn't understand what I was talking about, instead thinking I was infertile or some shit. It's a shot in the dark but can any other "aging" aces relate to this state of dysphoria?
(Maybe I'm just depressed or it's an early midlife crisis idk lol)
https://redd.it/1pnealt
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I'm tired of people sexualizing people/characters that are asexual
Im tired of people sexualizing asexuality. I've known I was ace for years and I still have people trying to tell me that if I haven't done that, how do I know that I don't like it or that I'm too young to know for sure what I do or don't want. It sucks even more when someone is so clearly being so disrespectful towards me and others in the community and when I get upset they say it's not a big deal. I hate when people say that they could change someone who's asexuality, and it sucks when its fictional characters too. It feels like there's not as much representation for the asexuals as other members of the LGBTQ+ community and everytime there is, it feels like it gets ruined by gooners who think that just because they 'aren't real' that it makes it okay somehow. An example would be Mychael from Mushroom Oasis. I related to his character so much by personality but even more so since he's canonically asexual. So, whenever someone sexualizes him or makes gross comments, it makes me feel like crap and that there's so many people that just don't get it. And it'd be the same people who yell at people that turn gay characters straight who tell me I'm overreacting. Maybe I am overreacting but I'm just so tired of people just not understanding that it almost feels on purpose now that these people refuse to educate themselves on what it means. Instead, I get idiots who say that I'm just celibate with a 'Cool Woke Rebrand!!!'
Sorry for wall of text and probably some spelling errors, I just needed to get it off my chest because it makes me so upset that an overwhelming amount of people just don't understand or don't care enough to understand or respect asexuals/asexuality
https://redd.it/1pnm4bf
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Im tired of people sexualizing asexuality. I've known I was ace for years and I still have people trying to tell me that if I haven't done that, how do I know that I don't like it or that I'm too young to know for sure what I do or don't want. It sucks even more when someone is so clearly being so disrespectful towards me and others in the community and when I get upset they say it's not a big deal. I hate when people say that they could change someone who's asexuality, and it sucks when its fictional characters too. It feels like there's not as much representation for the asexuals as other members of the LGBTQ+ community and everytime there is, it feels like it gets ruined by gooners who think that just because they 'aren't real' that it makes it okay somehow. An example would be Mychael from Mushroom Oasis. I related to his character so much by personality but even more so since he's canonically asexual. So, whenever someone sexualizes him or makes gross comments, it makes me feel like crap and that there's so many people that just don't get it. And it'd be the same people who yell at people that turn gay characters straight who tell me I'm overreacting. Maybe I am overreacting but I'm just so tired of people just not understanding that it almost feels on purpose now that these people refuse to educate themselves on what it means. Instead, I get idiots who say that I'm just celibate with a 'Cool Woke Rebrand!!!'
Sorry for wall of text and probably some spelling errors, I just needed to get it off my chest because it makes me so upset that an overwhelming amount of people just don't understand or don't care enough to understand or respect asexuals/asexuality
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Being Trans And Sex Repulsed Is So Much Fun!!!!
I’m so sick of people saying “ooo you’ll find someone someday!” Like I’d rather you just tell me you have no advice for me but that you’re here for me and want to support me.
I am strictly asexual. Never want it ever. No I won’t even do it for my partners sake, it grosses me out that much. And I tell this to EVERY single person who asks me out. Same shit happens “ohh it’s fine I don’t need sex!” Then within weeks they bring it up and ask for it and then play victim when I break things off.
Being trans and dating is hard enough as it is. You don’t know who’s a fuckin chaser and who isn’t. “Just get to know them!!” I talked to a guy for over a year before we started dating and he turned out to be one, how can you possibly expect me to trust anyone after that? I waited a year, I guess the blame is on me for getting to know someone for that long and thinking “well, this seems safe.”
No one I’ve been with has seen me as a man, not even the other trans person I was with. You either have chasers or performative allies who think they’re so sweet by constantly infantilizing you and saying things like “I hate men! But not you, you’re trans!” Do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I can’t tell that you don’t see me as a real man?
I’m also incredibly short and awkward and can’t flirt, my repulsion to sex and the fact that I can’t really be an assertive or flirty person is a huge trigger for my dysphoria, don’t tell me “oh you don’t have to be a certain way!” If I want to be seen as a man, yes I do. I don’t act like a stereotypical man should. I’m not flirty, I can’t be strong and dominant. And I hate it and I hate being told “oh you’re special you should embrace it!” No I just want to be normal because everyone thinks I’m some uwu trans baby boi who’s so shy and meek and sensitive that they just need to walk on eggshells around and coddle. I hate being told how feminine I am, I hate that I’m so emotional and timid because those aren’t traits usually associated with men. They’re traits associated with women. I’m never manly enough no matter how hard I try to change myself.
I’m never a person. I’m never a man. I’m always a trans man. A fetish. An object, the token person people befriend to show others how much of an ally they are. I will never trust anyone again. All people know how to do is bully me, infantilize me, fetishize me, or get with me so I can be a part of their gross fantasies.
https://redd.it/1pnnlby
@asexualityonreddit
I’m so sick of people saying “ooo you’ll find someone someday!” Like I’d rather you just tell me you have no advice for me but that you’re here for me and want to support me.
I am strictly asexual. Never want it ever. No I won’t even do it for my partners sake, it grosses me out that much. And I tell this to EVERY single person who asks me out. Same shit happens “ohh it’s fine I don’t need sex!” Then within weeks they bring it up and ask for it and then play victim when I break things off.
Being trans and dating is hard enough as it is. You don’t know who’s a fuckin chaser and who isn’t. “Just get to know them!!” I talked to a guy for over a year before we started dating and he turned out to be one, how can you possibly expect me to trust anyone after that? I waited a year, I guess the blame is on me for getting to know someone for that long and thinking “well, this seems safe.”
No one I’ve been with has seen me as a man, not even the other trans person I was with. You either have chasers or performative allies who think they’re so sweet by constantly infantilizing you and saying things like “I hate men! But not you, you’re trans!” Do you think I’m dumb? Do you think I can’t tell that you don’t see me as a real man?
I’m also incredibly short and awkward and can’t flirt, my repulsion to sex and the fact that I can’t really be an assertive or flirty person is a huge trigger for my dysphoria, don’t tell me “oh you don’t have to be a certain way!” If I want to be seen as a man, yes I do. I don’t act like a stereotypical man should. I’m not flirty, I can’t be strong and dominant. And I hate it and I hate being told “oh you’re special you should embrace it!” No I just want to be normal because everyone thinks I’m some uwu trans baby boi who’s so shy and meek and sensitive that they just need to walk on eggshells around and coddle. I hate being told how feminine I am, I hate that I’m so emotional and timid because those aren’t traits usually associated with men. They’re traits associated with women. I’m never manly enough no matter how hard I try to change myself.
I’m never a person. I’m never a man. I’m always a trans man. A fetish. An object, the token person people befriend to show others how much of an ally they are. I will never trust anyone again. All people know how to do is bully me, infantilize me, fetishize me, or get with me so I can be a part of their gross fantasies.
https://redd.it/1pnnlby
@asexualityonreddit
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