confession time! I don't think I'm ace anymore

so, I thought I was ace for the longest time, my reason being I just could not imagine myself in that kind of situation with anybody. at all. but, well, I was the wrong gender back then. now that, instead of a guy, I am imaging myself as a girl in those situations, it's just... a lot easier to imagine something like that and like it

https://redd.it/1pdzui8
@asexualityonreddit

Am I attracted to the guy I have been dating

I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months. I am pretty confident I am asexual, as I have never really been interested in physical appearances, and the thought of sex repulses me.
A few weeks ago I told him I was ace, and would never do anything sexual. He said he is completely fine with that.
I care about him so much, and I am very attracted to his personality.
I dont know if I am attracted to him aesthetically. How do I know?
This is my first relationship, so I have never felt any of these feelings before.
When he properly smiles its like a net curtain has been lifted, and I genuinely think he is beautiful. But a lot of the time I just dont feel anything to him physically.
He really likes me, and I feel like he is into me a lot more than I am into him, but I really love his personality and who he is.
I can picture being with him in the future.

I love being close to him, cuddling and stuff, but the idea of sex and kissing repulses me.

I cant tell if im just feeling this because I am in very unchartered territory.

Am I just ace, do I just not like him or am I scared because its all new?



https://redd.it/1pe0hwn
@asexualityonreddit

How to survive this..

Has anyone ever told you asexual, and all other terms under that, are fake? My own partner told me it’s all fake. I know he is having trouble and pain due to me experiencing no sexual attraction or desire. This is due to his forceful ways of affection towards me. He hates when I say no or not right now..It’s just too much. I feel like his attraction towards me is making me feel uncomfortable and even repulsed. Over seven years of me trying to explain my feelings, instead of being kind and patient, he lashes out and bullies me. Even in front of our kids. The older I get, I feel like living a slower more peaceful life and his sexual demands got too overwhelming. A few days ago, he brought it up randomly and aggressively in front of the kids. Asking why I don’t want affection or touching. It got pretty ugly and I panicked and went outside and he followed me, he kept saying I need a doctor and being asexual is fake. I had to cover my ears and started crying and he just wouldn’t stop. He even put on his snap that it’s weird not having a wife anymore. He wants sympathy for me not meeting his needs. Over that many years, it’s made me feel worthless. Because I know how to express myself in a kind and calm manner but he won’t do the same for me. But he constantly finds ways to excuse his behavior. It’s totally my fault because my feelings of any romance or sexuality are gone. I don’t even feel attracted to anyone or experience desire, at all. I’ve always been ‘different’ so guys found me attractive and interesting. But now, at almost 40, I would rather be single forever. I also have sensory issues. And my kids are everything to me, I want to raise them to be kind. Sorry for venting, only three of my closest family know what’s going on. Therapy is my next step.

https://redd.it/1pe590s
@asexualityonreddit

Sex is always either negative or neutral for me. Does that make me ace?

I’ve always known I have a very low sex drive. 95% of the time, the idea of having sex is very unappealing to me. Maybe 5% of the time I am neutral about it (and will then have sex with my partner, lol). But I don’t remember any time since I was a horny 16 year old that I’ve actively WANTED to have sex.

I guess my question is… clearly this is not “normal”. But I’m wondering from you knowledgeable people if this sounds like it falls under the asexual umbrella?

https://redd.it/1pe6vzk
@asexualityonreddit

i have a crazy libido but i think i’m on the ace spectrum

so the title doesn’t even begin to summarize how jumbled my thoughts are rn. this will likely be long winded which might deter people from even reading but i just need to get this out.

not sure how important it is but i am 26 and afab. i have been insanely hypersexual since i was about 11/12, have no idea what caused it but i have been very, VERY horny for 14-15 years now. as early as i started experiencing sexual motivation, i would watch porn and found i was attracted to girls. i considered myself bisexual from about 12-18 because of this. i never had any relationships till i was 17, and it was with a then girl (now i think trans or nonbinary) and they happened to be asexual. i never found myself wanting sex with them and just never thought of it with them specifically and never experienced sexual attraction towards them anyway. i would still get off constantly and do things myself as i had already been doing.

my next relationship was with a lesbian and once again i never felt sexually attracted really, but i was deeply in love and romantically attracted which made me desire being close in a sexual way. some kind of demisexuality there maybe?

after that relationship (5years, stereotypical horrible sapphic breakup) i went a little crazy and got on the dating apps and started going on dates and hooking up with people. i got almost absolutely nothing out of any of that, and the sex i had was incomparable to the time i would spend with myself. however, this is where it gets even more complicated and annoying, because while the sex with the men was not very great, i still experienced sexual attraction to them?? and i still experience sexual attraction to them now, and see men on dating apps or celebrities that make my already crazy high libido even crazier, but when i really start thinking about it, if it came down to it i wouldn’t actually want to have sex with them. i don’t experience sexual attraction towards girls almost at all now which makes me wonder why i ever thought i was a lesbian from like 17-19.

i read a lot, a LOT of smut and still watch porn sometimes because of how high my sex drive is, and i enjoy it very much but i have never fully enjoyed actual sex, and sometimes during and ALWAYS after, i feel icky.

if anything i feel i can surmise i might be kind of demisexual when it comes to girls/non-men, though still it’s more about connection and being close than the actual attraction or sexual act. and with men, i experience high levels of attraction and sometimes do want sex but more often than not the idea of sex with anybody is extremely unappealing despite the fact that whatever is wrong with my body and my crazy high drive makes it seem like it should be the opposite. this is such a non-issue outside of my own brain and i’m sure some people would probably think i’m thinking wayyyy too much into this, but my sexuality and identity have painstakingly fluctuated for over a decade and i just want to understand myself better before i try to pursue a relationship again when maybe i shouldn’t. cause don’t even get me started on romantic attraction, i crave a relationship and read a shit ton of romance and fanfics but then once again, the idea of a relationship sometimes makes me cringe. i’m just so confused and i miss the days where i was simply just a cisgender bisexual girl.



https://redd.it/1pe7irh
@asexualityonreddit

What it feels like to be asked who you find hot:
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@asexualityonreddit

I came out to my friends

When I came out they all went pretty much in unison ‘but you read smut’. I tried to explain to them that asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction but they weren’t having it and they didn’t understand. What should I do?

https://redd.it/1pecx9f
@asexualityonreddit

Is this a confession?

https://redd.it/1peeu59
@asexualityonreddit

Can I be asexual and have a fetish?

I've never had sexual desires, sex drive, etc. never found humping to be arousing or exciting, and I've viewed sex as odd and not anywhere close to what 'love' should look like.
I was born (or at least had since a very young age) an attraction to something alternative (not comfortable with saying currently, considering I'd get backlash) and kinda had it as my "sex"- like I was attracted to it as an ordinary person would be attracted to sex, but only as a different thing. Do I still count as asexual if I frequently masterbate to it and find it attractive?

https://redd.it/1peg907
@asexualityonreddit

Ace Erasure in Therapy Community

Just feeling really sad and need somewhere to vent about this. I’m an ace therapist and one of my favorite accounts to follow from a fellow couples therapist has been making some posts lately that could really benefit from a non compulsory sexuality viewpoint and some ace friendly nuance. I made a respectful comment on her Instagram post and was met with hostility from her followers. I tried to engage thoughtfully but gave up.

Then tonight she made another post and I went to the comments where someone made fun of my viewpoint and the therapist agreed with them. So now I’ve unfollowed her but it just makes me really sad that none of these people are willing to try to see things differently. Sigh.

https://redd.it/1pei770
@asexualityonreddit

Any opinions around naked cuddling?



Well for me, i am pretty indifferent to it.

Idc abt nudity, i think bodies can be something beautiful/admiring without it being sexual. Like a art peace or just admirace of the aesthetic. I don’t see naked people as something that turns me on because i see a lot of videos relating to art/drawings and they do show nudity. And it made me see nudity as a form of art and aesthetic beauty.

So naked something that i am not so bothered as long as i am comfortable and as long as the pants are still on ( genitals creep me out )

I am ok if it is topless. I can enjoy skin to skin contacts and admire bodies aesthetically but as long as the pants are still on since the bottom parts freak me out IN MY OPINION


I still prefer cuddling with clothes on since it is comfy. But i am ok with naked cuddling ( again…as long as it is with pants on )

Sooo yep. And i want to know how you guys feel about it?


Is it ok for you? Do you like it? Do you not care or do you not like it at all?



( it is ok to not asnwered. It is mostly asked to ppl who want to asnwer it )


I am curious on what you opinions are ( if that’s ok )

https://redd.it/1pejd3h
@asexualityonreddit

The flag colours

Please explain to me, why does it have four colours for the flag? Like, I genuinely want to know the reason as to why.

Also, I’m graysexual, and would also like a reason for the colours of that flag but I weirdly think that that’s more self explanatory than the asexual flag.

But also, 4 colours for the asexual flag??? What other pride flags have 4 coloured lines, I’m genuinely curious and confused. Curifused.

I am confusion. How is this pretend I’m pointing at the asexual flag 4 colours but this pointing at graysexual flag is not 4 colours. Asexuals explain.

If you get the reference… has some garlic bread idk.

Oh god now I’m hungry.

I need some garlic bread and some gateau in no particular order. And sleep but after the garlic bread and gateau.

https://redd.it/1pei60u
@asexualityonreddit

Any opinions around naked cuddling?


Well for me, i am pretty indifferent to it.

Idc abt nudity, i think bodies can be something beautiful/admiring without it being sexual. Like a art peace or just admirace of the aesthetic. I don’t see naked people as something that turns me on because i see a lot of videos relating to art/drawings and they do show nudity. And it made me see nudity as a form of art and aesthetic beauty.

So naked something that i am not so bothered as long as i am comfortable and as long as the pants are still on ( genitals creep me out )

I am ok if it is topless. I can enjoy skin to skin contacts and admire bodies aesthetically but as long as the pants are still on since the bottom parts freak me out IN MY OPINION


I still prefer cuddling with clothes on since it is comfy. But i am ok with naked cuddling ( again…as long as it is with pants on )

Sooo yep. And i want to know how you guys feel about it?


Is it ok for you? Do you like it? Do you not care or do you not like it at all?



( it is ok to not asnwered. It is mostly asked to ppl who want to asnwer it )


I am curious on what you opinions are ( if that’s ok )

https://redd.it/1peja9i
@asexualityonreddit

I don’t get the appeal of sex

If I never learned about sex, I would never think of it to be a thing.

Like truly I don’t see the appeal or what’s so special about it. I don’t wanna be touched or felt in that way.

It feels unnatural and wrong.

Does anyone else feel this way

https://redd.it/1pemj3f
@asexualityonreddit

Okay so if you're grossed out by wording some books uses to describe a lingering kiss, don't click.

Ok so, I'm asexual, demi-panromantic for full explanation. Very very sex repulsed. I listen to audiobooks of all sorts (I have severe ADHD and have to activate my brain while working) all the time and frequently they have very er... Descriptive "sex and other types of... Showing affection?" All gross me out.

But that also leaves me very ignorant about what goes on in books and whether it's at all realistic. So when they say "he claimed my mouth with his tongue" ... Please tell me that doesn't actually happen in RL? I have to skip forward as it is (luckily most books tend to have the most descriptive sex stuff toward the end of a chapter so I can just skip to the next chapter) but I've heard of (what it was called when I was in high school anyway which was a very long time ago) "French kissing" involving tongues and mouths but like... Is this actually a thing? Blegh. I'm 37m and have zero experience in sexuality/sensuality so please ignore my ignorance. I literally have no one I can ask and the only reason I'm asking here is because it's more or less anonymous 😂

https://redd.it/1pejo61
@asexualityonreddit

How do you explain asexuality to family members who don't understand it?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it’s like to experience asexuality when even the idea of sex feels uncomfortable. Not just “not interested,” but genuinely uneasy mentally or physically when the topic comes up. And honestly, it can be confusing when the world treats sexual attraction like the default setting for being human.

It’s weird trying to explain that you can care about someone deeply, want connection, love, closeness just not the sexual part and that it doesn’t mean something is wrong or missing. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the feeling itself, but the pressure: “you’ll change,” “just wait,” “you just haven’t met the right person.”

So I’m curious for anyone who’s been through this. How do you deal with discomfort around sex in conversations, relationships, or even just socially? What helped you accept your feelings instead of questioning them?

https://redd.it/1pet8v7
@asexualityonreddit

Its amazing this..!!

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@asexualityonreddit