Question

So I identify as asexual because I don't feel sexual attraction to people (mostly because of childhood trauma) but I do for fictional characters that I find attractive like Astarion from BG3 (its a game based off DnD) my ongoing theory is because fictional characters haven't hurt me like real people but honestly im just confused, i know im only 20 but it's hard to explain to people who just say "oh you'll change when you get older " but honestly I personally feel like I could be single the rest of my life and my own mother said thats sad because and I quote "I don't love myself enough"......sorry for the weird rant but this has just been on my mind lately and I just want to talk to other people who might understand as well

https://redd.it/1omrq9q
@asexualityonreddit

Am I Asexual?

If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.

If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.

https://redd.it/1on34vp
@asexualityonreddit

Are asexual lives better?

I've always daydreamed about being asexual, I assume my life would be simpler and more time and energy focused on myself. I wouldnt have wasted my entire teenage years chasing girls with terrible personalities. I wouldnt have spent my entire 20s healing from heart breaks. I feel like I wasted so much time because the urge to reproduce is increadibly strong and I wish to escape it for a simpler existance.

is this actually the case, or am I doing the whole grass always greener thing?

https://redd.it/1on3x2h
@asexualityonreddit

how to be okay with your so desiring you?

I'm running on a big hypothetical. This is my first real relationship at 18 and it's still pretty new. We were friends for a while before this though. I'm simultaneously wishing he'd express more want for me and also thinking that if that happened I would be uncomfortable. So, obviously I cannot know how i'll react until I do, but is there another way I can think of someone desiring you? Because that, to me, means lust and objectifying and dehumanizing and just gross and unsafe behavior. I have previously opened up more to the idea of sex by thinking of it as an exchange of love, where you're with someone you trust with your sensitives and your heart. So, is there any kind of romanticism I can replace that traumatized line of thinking with? Because I think I would like that but I don't want to ask for anything before I understand this.

https://redd.it/1on58m1
@asexualityonreddit

Saw all the horny people in the comments getting goth girls and wondered what y'all thought
https://redd.it/1on5cxe
@asexualityonreddit

Not a victim

I don't know if anyone needs to hear this but I need to say it: I don't feel unlucky that I'm Asexual. I don't feel lucky either, I just feel normal. I feel like me.

I used to feel miserable only when I compared myself to how other people. I used to resent my sexually active friend for just casually hooking up and having fun and I felt self-conscious because I realized I could never do that. I felt boring. I felt like a bad feminist for not wanting sex or enjoying sexual attention like the "strong empowered sexy" girl boss archetype social media pushed onto me saying "this, and only this is what strength looks like".

But it slowly dawned on me that I don't feel miserable or sad when I think about my life and how I want to live it. When I think about my future I feel untethered, free. When I think about the connections I've made so far, the rich friendships I've formed with men and women alike I feel blessed. The lack of sex makes no difference when you prioritize honesty and genuine emotional connection. I realized that when I focus on just myself and self-improvement, I don't feel like I'm a victim of my asexuality. I dont feel like I'm missing out. I just feel comfortable in my own skin.

My advice? Think about yourself in isolation, as an individual. Think about who you are and who/what you value. Work on that and don't let society's standards bog you down. Yes, it is a choice. Yes, you can form long-term, meaningful connections with people without sex. Go back to the community, volunteer. Get off social media, hang out with friends in real life. Do fun nerd stuff with like-minded people. See people as they truly are and they'll see you too.

I know this is corny, but that's what I am. Corny, not horny. Hehe 🌽🖤🩶🤍💜🌽

https://redd.it/1on8hya
@asexualityonreddit

how is this flirting?
https://redd.it/1oneqyf
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace pride bookmarks!

https://redd.it/1onlat7
@asexualityonreddit

I made some ace pride bookmarks!

https://redd.it/1onlc7n
@asexualityonreddit

I'm confused on what this means as its a repeating cycle


So, when I’m not in a relationship, I don't care for them at all, almost. I do get really confused about attraction and liking someone tho. I’m a lesbian so I end up deciding I like this girl when in reality when we start dating I make it end immediately. Every about 3 years I find someone I’m actually interested in dating long term. I feel so weird for being like that. I can’t tell if it’s high standards or something else.

https://redd.it/1onnkus
@asexualityonreddit

I am confused but not complaining
https://i.imgur.com/SEatHgU.png

https://redd.it/1onqzo5
@asexualityonreddit

I'm really uncomfortable with what reading for women has become.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, like I would around allosexual company. Most of the books written for and marketed to women are porn.

This makes me uncomfortable, as a woman who loves to read, for two big reasons:

When I tell someone I love to read they automatically assume I read porn.

If they're readers too they instantly start to tell me which porn they're into.

If I don't match their enthusiasm while they're telling me about their favorite porn, they end up telling me I'm too conservative.

They make no effort whatsoever to match my energy when I talk about my favorite books. They're clearly not listening, and can barely wait till I finish speaking to tell me I should read one of the books they like.

I hate that it's not acceptable for me to tell them that I'm uncomfortable with this situation.

And when they're bashing men for watching porn, there's zero self-awareness or recognition of the double-standard they've set. If men need to keep their porn interests to themselves or else be labeled "creepy/gross/pervy/groomers" etc. then WOMEN NEED TO DO THE SAME.

/end rant

---

Edit: These people aren't my friends. They're random strangers, neighbors, the lady at the post office, random women at the hair salon, random women on public transit, wait staff at restaurants, etc. etc. And it's not limited to a specific age group either.

https://redd.it/1onqdru
@asexualityonreddit

My bf asked how often I think about him naked and I panicked because I realised not at all

Pretty much the title
Me (28f) and my bf (30M) play questions games just on the daily and he busted out this question
I've been wondering for a while if I'm ace or if something is wrong with me/our relationship, and I guess I just felt really confronted by this question and realised I don't think about him naked at all. Like I literally said nothing as I realised I don't think about it at all, and then my bf laughed and moved on to the next question.
I can also take it or leave it with the sex, more often then not I'm not really interested in it. I do it sometimes but the feeling is more about being close to someone I love than actually being excited about a good bonking.
In comparison he's got a really high sex drive, which makes me feel sad because I want to love him in that way but the idea of having sex so often just sounds like hard work to me. But then when it does happen he's great in bed, I'm always a happy customer! I just don't know why I don't feel like that all the time.
I do love him, he's such a sweet green flag man and I'm really happy with him, we have plans to spend the rest of our lives together. I think I feel bad because I really do love him and I feel like I should have these thoughts and feelings, but I just don't. I'm very confused about myself.

Idk what this post is, I guess a vent or a get off my chest. I also think it's a question to a community that understands more about being ace than I do, and I'm asking if what I feel relates here. I really don't know. I'm trying to figure it out. Can't afford therapy in a cost of living crisis, so turn to reddit. Thanks for reading.

https://redd.it/1onnm3w
@asexualityonreddit