(some) allo men have some sort of fetish with purity and I'm tired of pretending they don't

Ok, so, to begin, no problem with people expressing their sexuality or whatever, but I really started catching on how allo people act creepy over women "keeping their purity" and hide it under the pretense of religious beliefs, good manners and whatnot instead of just admitting what it is.

So, short story: there's this girl on my country that has an animation channel where she talks with the animated version of herself on skits and stuff. Well, one day she made a slightly different video where she vented about people being surprised she is still virgin and how she didn't understand why people expected her to have sex (she isn't asexual, probably just sex-indifferent). Which is fine, obviously. But then I saw a comment of a guy saying something like "you are right, you need to 'keep yourself' for your boyfriend", despite the fact she NEVER mentioned anything keeping her virginity for a man, just saying she wasn't interested in losing it at the moment.

I understand some people have religions where they don't have sex until marriage and whatever but

1. He assumed that was the reason she wasn't interested in sex even though that was never even mentioned

2. He didn't even actually mention it was for marriage, from what he said it could be interpreted as just a casual partner

3. If he was ACTUALLY just talking about pre-marital celibacy, there were a thousand different ways he could've phrased that without sounding so fucking creepy and objectifying (not that it would make it less weird given the overall context but still)

I just can't wrap my head over why are allo men are like this, this actually just feels like just straight up slut shaming and some sort of fetish over taking someone's "purity" and trying to downplay it as "I'm just following my religion" or "I'm just having good manners". Pure bullshit, because that only even comes up when it's a woman. It's all just so, ew.

https://redd.it/1onsp36
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What was the most confusing things that your relatives told you?
https://redd.it/1onulb1
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Finding something visually appealing is not the same as thinking of that thing in a sexual manner
https://redd.it/1onvsxp
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Real(I’ve only faced one of these myself but feel free to share!)
https://redd.it/1onxwx2
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I never mentally got over the switch of “those are your private parts absolutely no one touches or looks no matter who it is” to “you’re of age go share them”

Does that make any sense.. am I the only one it’s ingrained in you from early childhood no one touches or looks at you there so when you get of sexual age all of a sudden now it’s okay because that’s your partner for the day or you bf/gf but having that ingrained in me made sex always feel wrong and dirty and violating same for going to a gyno I haven’t been because I am so scared to be exposed like that.. maybe I am overthinking

https://redd.it/1onyw4l
@asexualityonreddit

the only relationship i want
https://redd.it/1onwhfr
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Update: Made my second brACElet! 💜
https://redd.it/1oo4r2r
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Can you be sure you’re asexual if you never had sex?

I never had sex but I have been thinking I’m ace for a long time, I’m only 16 though.

https://redd.it/1oo78zi
@asexualityonreddit

Can we stop with the cactus metaphor?

It's humorous, yeah, but it isn't really helpful, since it's comparing apples to oranges.

Q: How do you know you don't like hugging a cactus if you've never done it before?
A: It's common knowledge that hugging a cactus would hurt. I have experienced pain before. Therefore, I know I would not enjoy hugging a cactus.

Is different from

Q: How do you know you're asexual if you haven't had sex before?
A: Having sex isn't relevant to the question of being asexual.

Is different from

Q: How do you know you don't like sex if you haven't had sex before?
A: a complicated reply that could range from actually, yes, I did need to try it first to being similar to the cactus question to a philosophical discussion on the nature of shame, consent, and bodily autonomy

https://redd.it/1oo9d6p
@asexualityonreddit

Is it normal to be ace but love admiring other people’s bodies?

I’ve always had a fascination with the human body. I like admiring and observing people because I think that everyone has natural beauty. Some are more unconventional that others, sure, but there’s always something special about them.

When I see someone I find gorgeous, it’s exacerbated. I keep watching them like they’re a piece of art. I actually mistook it for sexual attraction before, but I have no interest in being physically intimate with them. I just act like I’ve come across a particularly beautiful painting that I can’t help but admire. I want to get closer to see them more clearly, observe their expressions, and I’m interested in seeing them naked, but my attention isn’t sexual at all.

Is that weird? Is that objectifying them? I don’t see them like an object, I just admire their beauty. I’ve watched every gender, and type of ethnicity like that. The only common factor between them all is that they’re all adults (though, when I was a teen, I admired other teens)

https://redd.it/1oo9kxi
@asexualityonreddit

Me af
https://redd.it/1oo85zx
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Seeing a gynecologist as an ace woman?

So, I’m a 25 y/o cis woman. I’ve never been to the gynecologist, and I’m horrified by the idea. I started to refuse genital exams when I was a teenager, and since then, no one’s ever been down there. I don’t have sex, and I guess you could say I’m sex repulsed in the sense that I don’t want to be seen or touched in that way. I know exams aren’t sexual, and they’re important for my health, but as someone who NEVER has anyone touching or looking at my vulva, it feels like a nightmare.
Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this?

https://redd.it/1oo9wjq
@asexualityonreddit

🥳 We support asexy alien bros!
https://redd.it/1oo9z0a
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I feel like “I don’t date/I’m asexual” never gets a normal response

Yesterday this guy at work who’s temporarily transferred from another store was asking me about what I do outside of what. Stuff like if I’m in school or what I wanted to do with my degree, if I had a relationship. For context I’ll clarify rn he has a male fiance. I tell him no, I don’t date. He’s like “oh, you don’t date?” I say no, he says something else like maybe “you don’t date at all?” The confused response we’re all probably used to.

I don’t know if he knows the meaning or has even heard the term, but to clarify I tell him “No, I’m asexual.”

“Oh! Okay.” A few moments later: “well you can still date even if you’re asexual.”

On the inside I’m facepalming. Because if I say I don’t date because I’m asexual, it’s not hard to put two and two together. Also, thanks for explaining my own sexuality to me. “I’m aromantic asexual.”

There’s a moment he doesn’t say anything where it seems like he still disagrees or is still confused. I was definitely anticipating him questioning that response too, but he just says “Alright.”

It was a brief moment and I will say I already wasn’t in the best of moods at work. I tend to use asexual as a blanket term even though it doesn’t necessarily mean aromantic too, but again, I feel like you can still connect the dots.

I think it was sometime before this he asked me “why so sad” because I was “so quiet.” I wasn’t sad at all and don’t know why he thought that or if he was just saying it. He’s been here for about a week so we haven’t worked that many shifts together yet it seemed like he felt being quiet was out of character for me somehow. I had told him my social battery was just low and looking back I think I’ve been a little burned out by work. He says he gets it but then continues to ask me all these questions above which definitely put me in a worse mood. Sometimes I wish people would know to just accept a simple answer and move on.

https://redd.it/1oojztg
@asexualityonreddit

What I need as a sex-repulsed ace with the occasional bit of frustrating libido
https://redd.it/1ool25v
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Me: ‘’ no, i am not ace. Maybe it is just puberty doing this. Or suppression idk ‘’
https://redd.it/1ookfpo
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