Kissing

Had my first kiss at 18 a month ago. Felt nothing? Lol
No butterflies no elevated heart rate or nervousness, just a bit of disgust and maybe some guilt.
Well I can tick that off my list and safely say I won’t be doing it again

https://redd.it/1m84lfa
@asexualityonreddit

Dear Allos, stop asking me about my personal life.

Whenever I come out to lgbtq accepting people as lesbian, it's always just "Oh, congrats! Proud of you."
However, coming out as ace always results in a 2 hour interview as to how the hell I could possibly be asexual.
Look, I understand that asexuality isn't as talked about. And I understand curiosity. But they're strange investigations border more on close mindedness.
They probe me for answers about trauma, sexual history, etc, even when it's someone I don't even know well enough to even open up to about that. What a strange way to say you can't just accept my sexuality as it is. Do your research before psychoanalyzing me.

https://redd.it/1m856jp
@asexualityonreddit

Bread and sex are the same to me.

This might sound a little weird, but hear me out:

Since I was young, I've never really liked bread. There were times when I was actually repulsed by the idea of eating bread and would go to great lengths to avoid it in my meals. But as I grew and started experiencing more types of bread, I realized that there were some I genuinely liked. Sometimes I even crave certain breads (breadsticks YUM). However, these cravings are never super strong or last very long. Once I have a breadstick or two I find myself feeling satisfied and can go months without wanting one again.

Fast forward to now. I am currently dating someone who doesn't eat bread (he has Celiacs and several other dietary restrictions). This does not bother me at all. We have never eaten bread together, but I am satisfied by the other food we do eat and trying out unique recipes has become an important part of our relationship. I am completely fine with the idea of us never eating bread together. At the same time, I know my partner likes bread and use to eat it before being diagnosed. He craves it sometimes and if he could have it again he would. While I don't particularly like bread, if he was suddenly able to eat it again, I would eat it with him as I know it would make him happy.

It's a little silly, but this analogy finally made it click for me- not eating bread and not having sex aren't that different from each other. I've been feeling very insecure about my sexuality lately and internally struggling with it a lot. I've been worried that my partner wants sex and I am unable to fulfill this desire (he has never expressed this and has even said explicitly that he doesn't mind, but I am an anxious person lol). Throughout our lives, people have separately told us that our restrictions would make us undateable (someone said something like this to me recently which kind of triggered my spiral). That no one would want to be in a long term relationship with someone who has so many dietary restrictions/doesn't have sex. But this isn't true for us. We accommodate each other's needs and adapt our lifestyles to make it work. While our relationship is not conventional, I am very happy with our breadless, sexless life and am the most comfortable I've ever been with another person.

Hope this post resonates with someone. Not wanting to have sex in a relationship isn't something we should feel guilty about. I was able to find peace once I realized that it is simply one of the many accommodations people may make in a relationship for someone they love ❤️



https://redd.it/1m882u6
@asexualityonreddit

Ugh

Some guy I was talking to the other day tried to convince me that there are no asexual guys. He claimed asexual guys were pretending to be asexual so they could gain my trust and trick me into having sex. I blocked him and that was that.

https://redd.it/1m8a4li
@asexualityonreddit

Sex-Repulsed Aces be like

https://redd.it/1m8awgp
@asexualityonreddit

Am I fighting a storm?

24F - I feel like I’m fighting a storm.
For the last 5 years, I thought I was simply a lesbian. Then I found out I don’t feel sexually attracted to people, not even to the girl who my girlfriend and I loved romantically.
So. Asexual. Yay! She asked me if I could have intimacy with her and I told her that it was okay only because I loved her. Not because I really wanted to. So no more relationship. That’s okay, I felt relieved.
Then I started speaking to my closest circle about this new thing for me that didn’t have a name before. Asexuality. About wanting to be loved without that person expecting me to do things I couldn’t bring myself to do, that I didn’t desire. And I started feeling like I’m fighting against a storm, and I can’t do anything, actually.

“Just leave yourself open to posibilities, maybe when the time comes if you’re open enough to it, it will happen and you’ll find you actually like it.”

I keep hearing it, with different words, each time. And it makes me really sad to think not even my friends or my therapist cand wrap their heads around the concept that I DO NOT WANT IT. It’s simple as that. It’s not in me. My therapist even argues with me about it and it drives me crazy so I stopped talking about it in my sessions. I feel like no matter what I say I’m not heard, and I feel invalidated. Not only by her, but by my friedns too, even though I tried so many times to explain it. What should I do? Should I just keep this to myself? I just want someone to understand me, to really really understand what I’m feeling and not preassure me by telling me I just have to wait for it to happen.

https://redd.it/1m8evdy
@asexualityonreddit

I AM QUEER

sometimes I forget that I am queer. It’s usually when I am talking to a guy (used to be on hinge but not anymore) where I forget who I am. I feel embarrassed to admit it to people because my identity is so hard to explain (Demi aroace and so far have only been attracted to men). But I have to remind myself and you guys that we are valid!!!!!! That just because something is hard to explain doesn’t mean it isn’t worthy. I deserve love and commitment and adoration and the right person will love me exactly as I am. no more making myself small for other people’s comfort. I AM QUEER AND IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE !

https://redd.it/1m8echh
@asexualityonreddit

My new bracelets 🫶
https://redd.it/1m8gpai
@asexualityonreddit

Controversial take. I don't like the newer aroace flag very much

https://redd.it/1m8ht7z
@asexualityonreddit

I’ve finally made my first garlic bread!

https://redd.it/1m8hxzn
@asexualityonreddit

And you're a great support group, can't even start on how much you have helped me
https://redd.it/1m8kw15
@asexualityonreddit

Being asexual but not aromantic sucks sometimes

I still get crushes so I have feelings to refferance back to on what I could be missing out on. Every time I have liked anyone it was unrequited and just stung me. I've never been in a relationship but I wish I didn't long for emotional and physical intimacy like cuddling. I see romantic things everywhere and instead of just not caring I feel jelous for a time I could have had my feelings requited but didn't because of not being desirable. If I was aromantic I wouldn't care about romance. I try to just decenter romance as the most I can do but it is everywhere when I go out and see couples or when I can't hang out with a friend without being a third wheel to their partner.

The worst part is I am jelous of what I missed out on but if there was never the romantic attraction there in the first place it wouldn't be just something I missed out on from being romantically undesirable because I just wouldn't care about it in the first place. It sucks that I'm shackled to this primal urge within me for love that I can't even attain in the first place. Its such a waste of feelings to always catch them for the wrong person. I can't escape my biological need for companionship romantically but why should I feel that I need it when I can't even have it? Why should I feel a need for it if I don't even have the courage to attain it or talk to anyone? The logical solution would be to be born aromantic but I can't make myself become that or get rid of my desire.

Romance is a part of almost everything and since I feel romantic attraction that is what makes it sting all the worse because it is a desire in the first place. I think of all the times when I had crushes that were unrequited and get jelous of people who got what I wanted. Desire really is the root of all suffering.

https://redd.it/1m8pe6s
@asexualityonreddit

UK's online safety act and what it means for this subreddit

Hello everyone.

As you might have heard the UK's Online Safety Act has come into force this week. One of the consequences is that websites are now required to verify the age of anyone in the UK accessing "adult content". In the case of Reddit they have decided that this means all subreddits and posts with the "NSFW" label, which will unfortunately catch a lot of queer support groups / content. We believe is inappropriate in general, and particularly in our case where what's marked as "NFSW" is tame textual content.

The mod team are considering changing our post labelling policy so that no posts are marked "NSFW". Instead we can create a new flair for this purpose. This does unfortunately mean that we lose some features – with the official NSFW label users that don't want to see such content can set it to hidden in their settings. However, having a new flair hopefully strikes the right balance.

Let us know what you think of this proposal and the situation in general.

Thanks – your mod team.

https://redd.it/1m8sj6q
@asexualityonreddit

Ace mem
https://redd.it/1m8tz7b
@asexualityonreddit

Learned this sub was a thing (which I’m very glad for), have some garlic bread I made the other day (week? Idk anymore)!

https://redd.it/1m8usmr
@asexualityonreddit