Writing an (Aro)Ace Character

Hello there you lovely people <3

I am not ace (I think, possibly Demi or something but that’s really not relevant rn, sorry), and I would like to write an asexual character.

That he’s ace is just - idk just a fact when I think of him - its clear to me that he is but I’m not quite sure yet if I want him to be aro as well.

I do plan on him entering a queer platonic relationship with a girl that is ace but not aro.
Is that unrealistic? When he’s (most likely) going to be aroace for him to enter a relationship with someone who’s just ace?

Do I make him just ace and not aro to be sure I don’t confuse the readers (and myself frankly), with actions that could be perceived as romantic (if you ask me everything is perceived as romantic nowadays but whatever), even though he isn’t into romance?

Would probably be easier if they’re both ace but not aro, as to not have people invalidating his ‘aroness’ because he’s doing stuff that could be romantic.

Connected to that: what should I avoid? What should I think of/keep in mind? What would you like to see in a book with an ace main character?

Thanks very much in advance and have a wonderful day ^^
(Sorry for the rambling 😬 and I hope the flair’s alright, I thought that one fit the best)

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Doesn't this sound like a great idea to anyone else?
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Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**

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Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.

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**Do any of these resonate with you?**

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* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.

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These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.

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**Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?** Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

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[**More signs that you are Aro:**\](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro/)

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[**Honeymoon Phase:**\](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

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[**Types of attraction (might be incomplete):**\](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/

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How sexually active was everyone before birth control existed

Would you marry and then just expect.. 10 children or what? What if you'd just be celibate within the relationship because you only wanted two children?

Why has such frequent sexual contact become normal I wonder.

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w h y
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Being Ace and dating someone who isn't

For the people dating sexual people, does your partner ask if you are in the mood and if you say no do you ever feel bad?

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Can I wear my asexual ring on my ring finger?
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dating in college?

i am so, so, so frustrated by the “third date” rule, and i didn’t even think it was real until some of my friends essentially told me “yeah, duh”

Really i’m having a hard time finding people who will even wait past the second date, or in the first. I would maybe even accept it if they would stop implying before the first date?????? I don’t think people at my college actually date for things other than sex, I feel like an alien on another planet. I’m happy for them, but please don’t act like i’ve grown three heads for even mentioning asexuality?

I wish people would be willing to take things slow for once in their lives, honestly. I don’t understand gen z dating culture at all but I understand hookup culture even less.

Is anyone else confused by how horny everyone is all the time??

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The icon for this sub always appears stretched in my notifications for some reason 🤔
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Am I asexual or demisexual?

I’m having a hard time figuring out if I’m demisexual or asexual. I’m honestly completely repulsed by sex but I wouldn’t mind it if it was with someone I knew I’d be with forever, but not in a desire/attraction sort of way but for the connection it has. Unfortunately I have yet to ever form a connection so I don’t know if sexual attraction will genuinely kick in or if I just genuinely don’t feel any attraction at all.

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fan service
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thank you Rin Penrose
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Impulsivity and arousal

I’ve been having a hard time understanding if I’m asexual. I know I’m a lesbian because I have a romantic attraction to women but the only time I feel aroused is whenever I need to pee. Scientifically having a full bladder makes you aroused if you are a woman. In these moments of arousal I would do impulsive things like try to hookup with someone but once I satisfied myself I then completely ignore or ghost the person I was trying to hookup with. 😭 I almost never follow through in these hookups. In relationships I tend to give rather than receive. If I’m receiving I tend to fake it to make my partner feel good. But it’s not like I don’t enjoy the feeling I get when receiving it’s just that the whole show of it is the fake part for me. The show of it being making my partner feel like they’re the best. I think I would be fine not having sex in a relationship or purely being the giver. I know asexually is a spectrum but I’m not sure what part of the spectrum I would be apart of since I enjoy cuddling, kisses, and romance. Sex though… I could be fine with or without it.

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Am I asexual or demisexual (29)m

I was never Into having casual sex the thought of having sex With someone I barely know having sex for the fun of it Never interest me even when I was younger. Sexual encounters make me anxious Give me anxiety I like to think about sex I just don't like the act of it I know it sounds weird That's just the way I am. I don't mind kissing hugging and cuddling with someone I really care about Who i have a connection with Somebody i trust and Comfortable with I like to start off friends first with a woman

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I'm kinda giddy because I realized recently I have the high ground over my homophobic sister

So my (19F) sister (21F) is a very straight woman. We were raised Protestant, one of the way more tolerant denominations, but when she went to school she switched to a way stricter one. Which I knew changed some stuff over time, but about a month and a half ago while she was home for a weekend she got in a fight with my uncle and went on the whole 'gays will burn in hell they need to be saved' thing and opened my eyes to the oh, my once-tolerant sister has just fully noped into the homophobe 100% region. She's also transphobic.

I came out to family as aroace in middle school, my mom on purpose and everyone else on accident, and no one has spoken of it since. I think they thought if we just didn't talk about me being queer it was a phase that would pass. Well, five years later it's not a phase lol, I came out to my brother take two a few months ago and he was like, accepting and tried to understand and asked awkward questions and is trying to be supportive but he's also 16 and seemed very confused. I get it, he's still figuring out his own love life, having a conversation with me and finding out I'm planning on marrying my best friend for tax benefits probably threw him for a loop lol.

I've hit the point where I really don't care anymore, I'm fortunate enough to be certain of my family still supporting me regardless especially given how they reacted years ago. I bought pride flags on the family amazon account (with my own credit card) months ago just to see if anyone would mention it but they didn't, and I think me being queer is like fight club. The first rule of our daughter's queerness is we don't talk about our daughter's queerness. I think they just don't know how to approach it, eventually I gotta bring it up because I'm vice president of the asexual and aromantic club on my campus so it's a rather large part of my life.

But after a good hard think on my sister's shittiness the other day, especially on her tangents about homosexuality being sin, I realized I have the high ground, anakin. I was born without the subscription to lust. I am inherently less sinful than my sister. (Who, by the way, got Royally Pissed with me earlier in the summer when I jokingly called her a slut. She was acting like one, but I was joking and she took it serious and took Offense which imo just means she knew it was true)

Take that, God-fearing Bible-clutching sister. You may be a Christian, but I'm by default a Better Christian because I'm not even capable of like a large portion of the Biblical No-Nos (and I'm not a homophobe-)

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Should allos use the term asexual?

I realized recently that I've heard several people use the term asexual to describe traits, behaviors, appearance. And that it kinda bothers me. It's obviously nowhere near as bad as certain other words you should not be using if they don't concern you. But it bothers me about as much as people twisting/misappropriating being depressed. What do others think?

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It makes me feel like an alien

I'm 36F, and I only realized my full aceness this year. Even though it probably should've been much more obvious to me much earlier on in my life.

I was browsing reddit just now and saw an in r/ask, "Men, what do you think when you see a beautiful woman?" And i don't know why I even looked. What the hell was I even expecting?


I can't get it into my head that people see other people as just "sex". Am I bitter cos im ace or because im not conventionally attractive? Or am I just frustrated cos I don't look at anyone that way? I've never wanted to jump on peoples bones, I've never fantasized about myself with someone else.

It made me tear up and have a little cry. Sometimes, I feel like I've been put together wrong. Am I missing out? Why does the concept that people see other full human people as sex objects upset me when the majority of the world thinks it's just fine and dandy? I feel so alone and miserable about this tonight.

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Realized I was Demi XD
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It’s sucks being Apothisexual

So for my fellow aces, apothisexual is sex repulsed. Granted I masturbate with cl*t toys but never penetrative and I’m still a virgin (21F). I was SA’d (not graped thank goodness but still unwanted sexual touching) by two partners since I finally gave dating a try in Oct 2023. It was the first time I dated anybody. And I recently, like a day ago, broke up with my boyfriend (an online relationship) for not having reassurance about my sexuality and being pressured once again. I recently tried Hinge and Bumble and got some matches but then they would text me saying some shit like “Hey, I’m so sorry to do this, but I didn’t read your profile all the way, and being asexual is a dealbreaker for me.” Like, why can’t you fucking read?! I PUT IT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING PROFILE THAT I MIGHT NOT EVER BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!!!

But anyways, I’m just sad. I can never find other asexual men on these apps or there are never men that are open to it. It sucks because I am for sure heteromantic. I’m just discouraged is all. Any advice on it? Any ace friendly dating apps?

Thanks for listening 🖤🩶🤍💜

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