I don’t want romance, I want friends…
I’m male, and I’m 15. I believe most would expect me to like the appearance of people of the female gender. It’s been over 1 year since I discovered asexuality, and time has progressed. I completed my freshman year of high school, and am going to be a sophomore. It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve experienced any form of what I believed to be romantic attraction. It’s also been over a month since I have had any close social interactions, but I believe that's mostly irrelevant in this context.
Anyways, during the school year I met a group of people I really liked. They were calm, and were the only people in the school that I could actually relate to. We played on a Minecraft realm together for a few nights, and all was well. Some of them even joined my club, and it was fun for a while. Unfortunately, this story took a turn for the worse. The realm crashed, I broke my arm, there was a holiday, and the group was disbanded, but the others remained friends. My club more or less failed, and I felt that it was my fault for putting them through weeks of empty and forced club times that added nothing to their lives. The only break I got from this was on our spring trips, when we played some card games and all social barriers were removed. I wasn’t “the only guy in a group of girls”, we were just friends that enjoyed being together. For a few days, it was an escape, just like before everything took place.
The difference between what happened this year and every single friend I’ve had before is all in gender. I’ve never had a female friend before. Every single attempt I’ve made to feel comfortable in a group with at least a couple of females has failed. A couple years ago, I was playing a game with some kids at my middle school. I was blindfolded, and accidentally slapped a girl’s butt. Immediately, the entire middle school was calling me a molester (I WAS 13 and BLINDFOLDED) when I was just trying to interact with some people. I still cry when I think back to that event (including now), but also appreciate the generosity of one eight grader who told me not to listen to what the rest of the school was saying. If it was another male, nothing would have come of it. This level of heteronormativity present in society has prevented me from interacting with any other females, when in general, I find people of the female gender equal to or even more interesting than the majority of male society.
I’m not sure that this is the correct place to post this, but I’ll give it a go. Can‘t we just erase these social boundaries? Can’t we stop assuming that any interaction that someone has with the opposite gender is connected to romance and sexuality? Can’t we just be friends?
https://redd.it/oxmry0
@asexualityonreddit
I’m male, and I’m 15. I believe most would expect me to like the appearance of people of the female gender. It’s been over 1 year since I discovered asexuality, and time has progressed. I completed my freshman year of high school, and am going to be a sophomore. It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve experienced any form of what I believed to be romantic attraction. It’s also been over a month since I have had any close social interactions, but I believe that's mostly irrelevant in this context.
Anyways, during the school year I met a group of people I really liked. They were calm, and were the only people in the school that I could actually relate to. We played on a Minecraft realm together for a few nights, and all was well. Some of them even joined my club, and it was fun for a while. Unfortunately, this story took a turn for the worse. The realm crashed, I broke my arm, there was a holiday, and the group was disbanded, but the others remained friends. My club more or less failed, and I felt that it was my fault for putting them through weeks of empty and forced club times that added nothing to their lives. The only break I got from this was on our spring trips, when we played some card games and all social barriers were removed. I wasn’t “the only guy in a group of girls”, we were just friends that enjoyed being together. For a few days, it was an escape, just like before everything took place.
The difference between what happened this year and every single friend I’ve had before is all in gender. I’ve never had a female friend before. Every single attempt I’ve made to feel comfortable in a group with at least a couple of females has failed. A couple years ago, I was playing a game with some kids at my middle school. I was blindfolded, and accidentally slapped a girl’s butt. Immediately, the entire middle school was calling me a molester (I WAS 13 and BLINDFOLDED) when I was just trying to interact with some people. I still cry when I think back to that event (including now), but also appreciate the generosity of one eight grader who told me not to listen to what the rest of the school was saying. If it was another male, nothing would have come of it. This level of heteronormativity present in society has prevented me from interacting with any other females, when in general, I find people of the female gender equal to or even more interesting than the majority of male society.
I’m not sure that this is the correct place to post this, but I’ll give it a go. Can‘t we just erase these social boundaries? Can’t we stop assuming that any interaction that someone has with the opposite gender is connected to romance and sexuality? Can’t we just be friends?
https://redd.it/oxmry0
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I don’t want romance, I want friends…
I’m male, and I’m 15. I believe most would expect me to like the appearance of people of the female gender. It’s been over 1 year since I...
Aesthetic attraction is hard to explain.
Me (hetroromantic): "She looks beautiful. Look at her."
my friend: "are you sure you arnt gay?"
I feel like it's hard to justify aesthetic attraction to people who are not familiar with the word being separated from sexual and romantic attraction. It's just so frustrating. Both guys and girls can look good, beautiful, cute, etc. Appreciating the way someone looks is just normal. It's not straight or gay. I just find it annoying that I cant express how great someone looks. People instantly think I have a crush on them. Or they think that I want to do romantic or sexual things to them (and I dont). This is annoying.
https://redd.it/oxkzrh
@asexualityonreddit
Me (hetroromantic): "She looks beautiful. Look at her."
my friend: "are you sure you arnt gay?"
I feel like it's hard to justify aesthetic attraction to people who are not familiar with the word being separated from sexual and romantic attraction. It's just so frustrating. Both guys and girls can look good, beautiful, cute, etc. Appreciating the way someone looks is just normal. It's not straight or gay. I just find it annoying that I cant express how great someone looks. People instantly think I have a crush on them. Or they think that I want to do romantic or sexual things to them (and I dont). This is annoying.
https://redd.it/oxkzrh
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Aesthetic attraction is hard to explain.
Me (hetroromantic): "She looks beautiful. Look at her." my friend: "are you sure you arnt gay?" I feel like it's hard to justify aesthetic...
I think my partner might be on the asexual spectrum, looking for advise on how we can be intimate without sex.
So me and my partner have been together over 8 years, and we've always kinda had different drives for and around sex. I'm not positive he is on the asexual spectrum, he has mentioned he may have some health issues, but either way our respective desires for sex do not aline. We had a big emotional talk recently, where it came to both of our attention that I've been feeling very rejected. We talked alot and I told him that our relationship and his happiness matter more to me then sex, but also that I need more intimacy. He tends to kinda shut down when telling me he is not in the mood for sex(he is occasionally and I don't ask often, to be clear I don't want to pressure him into sex!) And it hurts my feelings how he ignores me. We agreed that it would be helpful if we did something else together, something intimate but non sexual, but I don't really know what that would be. Our society is so sex craZed I don't know how else to connect. I would really love some advice on how we can connect in a non sexual way.
https://redd.it/oxt9pn
@asexualityonreddit
So me and my partner have been together over 8 years, and we've always kinda had different drives for and around sex. I'm not positive he is on the asexual spectrum, he has mentioned he may have some health issues, but either way our respective desires for sex do not aline. We had a big emotional talk recently, where it came to both of our attention that I've been feeling very rejected. We talked alot and I told him that our relationship and his happiness matter more to me then sex, but also that I need more intimacy. He tends to kinda shut down when telling me he is not in the mood for sex(he is occasionally and I don't ask often, to be clear I don't want to pressure him into sex!) And it hurts my feelings how he ignores me. We agreed that it would be helpful if we did something else together, something intimate but non sexual, but I don't really know what that would be. Our society is so sex craZed I don't know how else to connect. I would really love some advice on how we can connect in a non sexual way.
https://redd.it/oxt9pn
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I think my partner might be on the asexual spectrum, looking for...
So me and my partner have been together over 8 years, and we've always kinda had different drives for and around sex. I'm not positive he is on...
Coming out as an ace is hard - so I don't
Even though I'm happy that I'm not the only one that doesn't experience sexual attraction and that there are a lot of people openly advocating for LGBTQIA+-rights, I don't feel comfortable "coming out".
I don't mean coming out in a sense of "Sit down, here is garlic bread and tea, let's have a talk", but there are some situations you're pressured in a narrative and have to explain yourself. For example if your parents want to talk with you about your love life/getting childreen (disclaimer: being an aroace is for me personally related to my absent child-wish), your friends make remarks like "that guy is totally into you" or a person makes sexual advances. The easiest way would be to just say "Guys, I'm asexual, ". But it isn't.
Coming out as asexual raises so many questions for people who don't get the term. That's ok, I can explain what asexuality is, I don't think that curiosity is something bad. However, asking whether I mastrubate is often a bit too private.
What really gets on my nerves is the paternalism of many people.
"You aren't asexual"
"You haven't found the right one"
"You will change your mind"
"You will marry and have kids"
It's like people think they're somewhat entiteled to determine your sexuality and your path in life.
In my personal environment, I can't hope to be taken seariously as a w18. I'm going to university, I have my own apartment, I earn my own money - but my sexuality? Nononononono. Too young, too unexperienced. I mean it's not even a decision you make.
It's kinda like food. If you don't like tomatoes (which I don't), you really can't do that much about it. But nobody is saying: "You haven't eaten the right one".
I'm tired of explaining myself. I'm tired of people feeling responsible for my sexuality. So I don't come out.
I just reason my personal life decisions otherwise when they come up and remain in the closet.
Like stfu, some people, what's wrong with you?
https://redd.it/oxuhje
@asexualityonreddit
Even though I'm happy that I'm not the only one that doesn't experience sexual attraction and that there are a lot of people openly advocating for LGBTQIA+-rights, I don't feel comfortable "coming out".
I don't mean coming out in a sense of "Sit down, here is garlic bread and tea, let's have a talk", but there are some situations you're pressured in a narrative and have to explain yourself. For example if your parents want to talk with you about your love life/getting childreen (disclaimer: being an aroace is for me personally related to my absent child-wish), your friends make remarks like "that guy is totally into you" or a person makes sexual advances. The easiest way would be to just say "Guys, I'm asexual, ". But it isn't.
Coming out as asexual raises so many questions for people who don't get the term. That's ok, I can explain what asexuality is, I don't think that curiosity is something bad. However, asking whether I mastrubate is often a bit too private.
What really gets on my nerves is the paternalism of many people.
"You aren't asexual"
"You haven't found the right one"
"You will change your mind"
"You will marry and have kids"
It's like people think they're somewhat entiteled to determine your sexuality and your path in life.
In my personal environment, I can't hope to be taken seariously as a w18. I'm going to university, I have my own apartment, I earn my own money - but my sexuality? Nononononono. Too young, too unexperienced. I mean it's not even a decision you make.
It's kinda like food. If you don't like tomatoes (which I don't), you really can't do that much about it. But nobody is saying: "You haven't eaten the right one".
I'm tired of explaining myself. I'm tired of people feeling responsible for my sexuality. So I don't come out.
I just reason my personal life decisions otherwise when they come up and remain in the closet.
Like stfu, some people, what's wrong with you?
https://redd.it/oxuhje
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Coming out as an ace is hard - so I don't
Even though I'm happy that I'm not the only one that doesn't experience sexual attraction and that there are a lot of people openly advocating for...
Asexual polyamory sounds fantastic.
Before I learned about asexuality, I told my best friends “let’s just be completely platonic life partners. We’ll adopt kids and snuggle.”
But now, I think that would actually be amazing. Just a bunch of ace people loving each other and pursuing their goals and dreams together without a sexual aspect.
I don’t want sex, but I still have an over abundance of emotional and physical affection to give out.
https://redd.it/oxut1j
@asexualityonreddit
Before I learned about asexuality, I told my best friends “let’s just be completely platonic life partners. We’ll adopt kids and snuggle.”
But now, I think that would actually be amazing. Just a bunch of ace people loving each other and pursuing their goals and dreams together without a sexual aspect.
I don’t want sex, but I still have an over abundance of emotional and physical affection to give out.
https://redd.it/oxut1j
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Asexual polyamory sounds fantastic.
Before I learned about asexuality, I told my best friends “let’s just be completely platonic life partners. We’ll adopt kids and snuggle.” But...
Someone else: "I hate it when men brag about their body count." Me wondering why someone would brag about murders:
https://redd.it/oxwl8l
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/oxwl8l
@asexualityonreddit
Venting. Had a shitty day. I'm sorry.
Why was I born? Like really, what was the point? Idk, but I would like to know.
Do you know what else I would like? Being a minor again. When I was younger, no one repeatedly asked about my romantic/sexual life. No one kept telling me that I needed to have sex. No one kept asking me when was I going to start dating.
No, I didn't magically fall in love in a span of 2 months. No, I didn't fuck someone in the last 2 months. No, I have no intentions of doing it anytime soon, because I'm not as desperate as you.
NO, I certainly won't have sex against my will, just because my hypothetical future girlfriend wants. I AM HUMAN. I have rights, desires, dislikes, qualities, flaws. I am no less of a human just because you think I'm too old to be a virgin.
And even though I know all of this, I still feel like crap. Congrats. You made it. You made another human being feel worthless just because they don't date and fuck. How superficial, right? Isaac Newton was such a great physicist and mathematician. He's celebrated for his achievements. NOT HIS SEX LIFE (non-existent as far as I know). See? One can be happy and big and have 0 sex.
So, please, ask me, how's college? Do you have friends? How's your family? How's your mental health?
I'm demiromantic. I don't fall in love in 2 seconds. I'm also ace, so yeah, I don't really feel sexual attraction. Does this mean I won't be having sex ever? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? I don't really care. Oh, does this bother you? Really? Well, go fuck yourself.
Do I want a girlfriend? Yes, I really do want a girlfriend. I crave what people describe. I want to know what it feels like to be in love and be loved. Does this mean that I will sacrifice myself to achieve this? No. If my partner can't respect my boundaries, then they are not worth it. If you don't mind being treated like an old rag, your problem. I do.
And being in love is NOT the same as wanting to sleep with someone, sorry to break it to you. Plenty of people can't/don't have sex for many reasons and they still love each other. And if the love goes away the moment the sex stops, then honey, it wasn't love from the beginning.
Want to have sex? Go ahead, I don't care. But please stop bothering me. Thank you.
https://redd.it/oxww6i
@asexualityonreddit
Why was I born? Like really, what was the point? Idk, but I would like to know.
Do you know what else I would like? Being a minor again. When I was younger, no one repeatedly asked about my romantic/sexual life. No one kept telling me that I needed to have sex. No one kept asking me when was I going to start dating.
No, I didn't magically fall in love in a span of 2 months. No, I didn't fuck someone in the last 2 months. No, I have no intentions of doing it anytime soon, because I'm not as desperate as you.
NO, I certainly won't have sex against my will, just because my hypothetical future girlfriend wants. I AM HUMAN. I have rights, desires, dislikes, qualities, flaws. I am no less of a human just because you think I'm too old to be a virgin.
And even though I know all of this, I still feel like crap. Congrats. You made it. You made another human being feel worthless just because they don't date and fuck. How superficial, right? Isaac Newton was such a great physicist and mathematician. He's celebrated for his achievements. NOT HIS SEX LIFE (non-existent as far as I know). See? One can be happy and big and have 0 sex.
So, please, ask me, how's college? Do you have friends? How's your family? How's your mental health?
I'm demiromantic. I don't fall in love in 2 seconds. I'm also ace, so yeah, I don't really feel sexual attraction. Does this mean I won't be having sex ever? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? I don't really care. Oh, does this bother you? Really? Well, go fuck yourself.
Do I want a girlfriend? Yes, I really do want a girlfriend. I crave what people describe. I want to know what it feels like to be in love and be loved. Does this mean that I will sacrifice myself to achieve this? No. If my partner can't respect my boundaries, then they are not worth it. If you don't mind being treated like an old rag, your problem. I do.
And being in love is NOT the same as wanting to sleep with someone, sorry to break it to you. Plenty of people can't/don't have sex for many reasons and they still love each other. And if the love goes away the moment the sex stops, then honey, it wasn't love from the beginning.
Want to have sex? Go ahead, I don't care. But please stop bothering me. Thank you.
https://redd.it/oxww6i
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Venting. Had a shitty day. I'm sorry.
Why was I born? Like really, what was the point? Idk, but I would like to know. Do you know what else I would like? Being a minor again. When I...
I made this Splatoon fanart for this past Ace Week 2021! Tenmei and Irvine are both aroace and are best friends. This is one of the things they bond over, besides their hobbies like art and gaming!
https://redd.it/oxzv2v
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/oxzv2v
@asexualityonreddit
i’m not saying we go through more than others i’m just saying it’s not always easy 💜
https://redd.it/oxyeao
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/oxyeao
@asexualityonreddit
(Body count means hook ups!) ace is a little confused but they got the spirit
https://redd.it/oy1s3v
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/oy1s3v
@asexualityonreddit
Which one do you fit into?
When non-aces explain asexuality they all sign off on asexual ppls not wanting to have sex at all, we’re mostly categorized as completely sex repulsed (which is why all of your friends get confused and doubt you when you make sex jokes and call people hot, Kyle.) I know a good amount of us don’t but I wonder what the majority is
View Poll
https://redd.it/oy1jw5
@asexualityonreddit
When non-aces explain asexuality they all sign off on asexual ppls not wanting to have sex at all, we’re mostly categorized as completely sex repulsed (which is why all of your friends get confused and doubt you when you make sex jokes and call people hot, Kyle.) I know a good amount of us don’t but I wonder what the majority is
View Poll
https://redd.it/oy1jw5
@asexualityonreddit
People are talking about invading Denmark, I propose something else
https://redd.it/oy0xzg
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/oy0xzg
@asexualityonreddit
Just received this cuty and I thought I should share it! Aroace themed soft bat plush
https://redd.it/oy429f
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/oy429f
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Just received this cuty and I thought I should share it! Aroace...
Posted in r/Asexual by u/Senyara • 44 points and 4 comments