“So if trans people are the ones being targeted don’t you think aroace people will be next?” - my friend.

Hello so this is gonna be kinda political and just..Ok me and my friend were having a conversation how trans people more specifically trans women are the hottest new demographic to demonize right now and be painted as predators.

For me I’m an aroace demi-girl so I fall into the trans spectrum an am aroace-spec. Soon enough we started talking about well after trans people aren’t fun to pick on anymore then who will be the next one to paint as violence? And then my friend said it would possibly be aroace people? If the aroace-phobia is bad enough as it is then wouldn’t that make us the perfect next target for homophobes to make propaganda against??

Idk it’s this stuck with me ever since my friend said that.

https://redd.it/1ppbgcn
@asexualityonreddit

Not sure if I am asexual?

I could happily be in a sexless relationship or go my whole life never having sex. But if I had a deep connection with someone then I would be ok to use sex to make them feel excited or happy and their excitement would make me excited if I liked them and the fact they liked me. But I would never want to have sex with someone I was not attracted to and had no connection with. But I would be just as fine having a relationship without any sex as long as we could hold hands and be emotionally connected.

I feel like maybe refering to myself as asexual is wrong, it seems to scare people away. It is rare for straight people to know what it means, they think it is bad, and I don't really know what I mean myself either. If I am attracted to someone then I wouldn't mind having sex with them but it isn't important to me, like holding hands is way more intimate and emotional to me, sex is not about my pleasure but giving them pleasure or being desired enough to would make me happy as long as I meant something to them not just a sex doll, I want to be important to them. I feel like that is most allosexual women too have sex for the same reason and to feel good sensations with someone they are attracted to.

But even if I loved someone lots then I don't think I would want to do sex everyday, it needs a lot of cleanup and leftover sensations take a while to go away, I would rather hug or cuddle or something. But I guess if I had to then I can learn to have sex frequently. Just everyday kind of feels not romantic at all, maybe that is like masturbation.

https://redd.it/1ppk9jq
@asexualityonreddit

Sex negativity

I might upset some people with this, but there's a common pattern I have noticed among "ace communities" like the subreddits.


Sex negativity is different from sex-repulsion and aversion. I would know. I'm sex-repulsed.


Sex negativity is rampant in ace spaces (Imo, you might disagree). I see so many posts of people complaining about literally just the existence of sex and how it's gross and dirty or whatever. It's fine to think that about sex (I certainly do), but implying allosexuals or your fellow asexuals who have sex are gross for doing so is just completely wrong.

And the memes themselves that I always see like "no sex, only garlic bread" also just perpetuate the idea that asexuality = not liking sex. While there is a very large overlap, that's not true for everyone. Allosexuals can be sex-repulsed as can asexuals be sex-favorable.


Sex is not a bad thing. Sex is not a dirty thing. Sex should not be barred from being a conversation topic just because it grosses you out. We are just now getting more comfortable as a society discussing sex. If you want to go back to a puritan society, then go ahead.


If you don't want to here about sexual discussions, then just tell your friends that. Communication is an amazing thing.


Personally, I only mind sex talks between people I don't know. If my friend comes to me to talk about their sex life (as long as it's not graphic ;-;), then I let them because they love and trust me enough to share something that intimate. Not everyone is like that, but I really think that if we started being more positive about sex as a community, it would really help.

It just bums me out scrolling through forums and subreddits and seeing all that.

https://redd.it/1ppksj4
@asexualityonreddit

Post found on Facebook
https://redd.it/1pppgul
@asexualityonreddit

Am i asexual or is there something else going on?

Hi asexual community, I want to share my journey and hear your opinions about it.

I (30F) have never experienced any sexual desire or any feeling whatsoever while having sex. On my teenage years, when everyone is supposed to be a hormonal horny mess, I felt nothing. I didn't think anything of it back then, didn't suspect it was weird or anything. I had relationships but I didn't think of anything other than kissing and hugging. I remember not understanding how some people had issues with unwanted teen pregnancies, staying celibate for religious beliefs etc, when not having sex was so easy.

Once I entered my first adult years, I started to have sexual experiences. I still never felt sexual desire, but i always heard people say the first time you have sex you don't really enjoy it that much and it gets better later, so I kept waiting for that "later". At that point I was having sexual relationships solely because it was expected from a relationship and i thought it should kick in for me at some point.

It went on like that until my mid 20s I'd say. By then I finally assumed it was just never gonna happen for me. I'm not sex repulsed or anything, but I have never experienced sexual desire or any type of pleasure while having sex. I feel nothing from sex.

When I've told a few people about this after having finally assumed it myself, they say I'm asexual. And of course it makes sense but I have one doubt and this is where I'd like to hear opinions from other asexuals. How does one know if it's just innate or it comes from some unresolved issue, be it hormonal or a mental block?. I have trouble labeling myself with that term because I don't know if I have some issue i haven't found or it's just something i simply happen to be and that's it.

Thoughts?


https://redd.it/1ppt4qx
@asexualityonreddit

Got called an alien

Had a discussion with someone about marriage. I told them I have no desire nor interest in it and they called me a rare alien, saying everyone has the feeling that they want another half.

I'm been getting this weird feeling ever since that comment, like I don't belong here. It really sucks. Sometimes I feel like a defect.

https://redd.it/1ppslbq
@asexualityonreddit

Tell me I’m not alone.

I’m 27 & never been with another person. Never let anyone see me naked in person or the other way around. It feels almost like I’m so so broken but I just have no interest in sexual things in person🥲

https://redd.it/1ppudux
@asexualityonreddit

Imagine
https://redd.it/1ppwtp5
@asexualityonreddit

The trifecta of aro-ace and nonbinary 🥹

https://redd.it/1ppycy5
@asexualityonreddit

Imagine watching p*rn, couldn’t be me 😎
https://redd.it/1ppwckh
@asexualityonreddit

The most Ace thing in cinema!
https://redd.it/1pq33v3
@asexualityonreddit

Struggling with my Identity

I (20, F) was always thinking that maybe i am just a Lesbian or that i didn't found my right person, but i had a relationship now and everything seemed great BUT i felt sooo stressed out and like everything even slightly sexual made me feel sooo stressed out and uncomfortable. I have talked with a few friends about their love life and everything. I realised that i feel different about all that and now i am worried i am like some kind of broken person and that i have to be alone for my whole life.

How do other Asexual people handle that they will never have like a "normal" relationship and family? It seems really lonely to me because i love the thought of going on dates and everything but i just cant handle it. I feel so broken and idk how to fix myself :(

https://redd.it/1pq47jp
@asexualityonreddit

Communication, kink and shame

I’ve identified as greysexual for just a little while now, and I’m still immensely confused by my feelings around sex.

My biggest frustration is my feelings towards my long time friend / recently boyfriend, who’s a sex repulsed ace. I’ve always been probably far too cautious in respecting that about him, essentially trying to pretend I don’t have any sense of sexuality either so I never even have to mention the topic around him.

Now we’re closer and I understand myself better, I’m more open about my sexuality. As a result of that we’ve just started to explore some amount of nonsexual kink recently, which I’m already enjoying significantly more than I’ve ever enjoyed kinky sex with my previous partners. It’s a huge relief to not have to navigate so many complicated feelings and desires and just focus on the fun part. The problem here is that that’s not actually the case, and it is still immensely confusing to navigate. Primarily, I’m scared I’m enjoying it too much, that I’m crossing a line somewhere and disrespecting some essential boundary of our relationship.

I know I need to have a conversation with him about this, but I’m here first because I’m not sure how to explain my concerns- I have a lot of difficulty identifying and understanding feelings because I’m autistic, and I’m prone to misidentifying other peoples emotions and boundaries, as well as my own.

This all started because I talked to him about why kink is valuable to me (regardless of being sexual or not) without the expectation that he would really be interested in participating in anything like that. Still now, I don’t really understand how he feels about all this, but I think that he enjoys it because it makes me happy (which makes me feel selfish for not giving more than that back, but thats a more familiar fear I can navigate). Honestly part of me still struggles to reconcile the person I’ve been friends with for so long with the person who knows me in this way now, he feels like two feel like completely different people sometimes, and it scares me.

My main confusion though is around my own feelings. As mentioned I’ve had kinky relationships in the past, but they were always both kinky & sexual, mostly because I refused to allow the two to be seperate. A few years back, when my girlfriend at the time expressed interest in nonsexual kink, I immediately shot the idea down- not because I wasn’t interested, but because I didn’t believe I was capable of separating the sex from the kink, so there was no point in trying. At that time I was deep in shame and denial, and struggling to justify being into kink at all, let alone experiment with less typical boundaries around it.

And still now I feel some of that fear, that overwhelming, nauseating anxiety that I’m a terrible person for being into kink at all. I thought I could leave that at the door with sex, but of course it’s not that simple. I suppose though the main question haunting me here is simple: am I a bad person for getting ‘turned on’ during nonsexual play? I say ‘turned on’ with the quotes because the feeling is very different here than it is for me during sexual experiences.

I have no real desire to play out anything sexual with my partner, and I presume he wouldn’t want to do so even if I did. That’s partly why I don’t have the true sense of attraction here, my sexuality is partly based on reciprocal desire. This experience feels more like an intrusive thought than a want or need. I have been in similar situations in past which were sexual, and would like to do so again in future. But right now, that’s not what I have or want. I still feel the physical reaction, and I was in a decent place regarding this when we started things- separating in my mind the natural bodily experiences away from my actual emotions and desires (or lack thereof) that I feel- I’m starting to lose touch with that mindset and let the shame creep back in. Which frightens me, because I have much the same feelings about other nonsexual desires I’m exploring, like my sensual attraction.

It’s true I have a desire for sex in general, yes, and my body reminds me of that in these vulnerable situations, but sex is also something I am satisfied without. This is where the greyness of my sexuality frustrates me. My brain desperately wants to convince me I’ve just been faking being even a little ace at all, just for the sake of ‘getting with’ my now boyfriend. That I’m a sick and perverted person who is taking advantage of his love and care to fulfil my own twisted desires.

I know not to trust that sense of shame, because it would have me give up everything I find joy in, every means of expressing love that my boyfriend freely offers me. Shame tells me that sex is the only place that I should feel loved, and that I am disgusting for that. But I know this can’t be true, because I feel so incredibly loved right now, even without sex.

Shame tells me that I’m ’forcing’ him into this, by talking openly about my wants and allowing him the choice to oblige them. I have had trouble navigating boundaries like that before, including with him. We both still have a lot of difficulty communicating and enforcing our boundaries with eachother, partly because we’re both testing eachothers limits and discovering where our boundaries actually lie. Despite what shame tells me, I know it can’t be true that I should never trust that my partner is operating within their own agency, no matter how much space I allow for consent, and stopping at any time they ask, and anticipating their limits to the best of my ability. This is why the shame is clinging to me so strongly in the first place, I’m terrified of repeating past mistakes. Despite how hard I am trying to avoid doing so, I think it is perhaps inevitable to end up crossing lines as we attempt to trace their edges. All I can do is minimise the potential to hurt eachother, and not believe I am a fundamentally bad person for making mistakes I’ve already been forgiven.

I feel overwhelmingly that my emotions here are twisted and rotten, both in that they are filled with self hatred, and that they are a web of contradictions that all point toward my boyfriend secretly hating me, too. It’s at the point now that my guilt outweighs my enjoyment, so I know something needs to change moving forward, I’m just not sure what. I guess I’m just lost from here. Is there some merit to my fears? Have I been wrong to try and disregard them so strongly? Are they sneaking back up on me because I’m doing something wrong?

Or have I simply exhausted my tolerance for my own shame, and it’s preying on my love once again? Perhaps both are true, I’m not sure.

https://redd.it/1pq5svm
@asexualityonreddit

Am I asexual?

I'm romantically attracted to females, and consider the female gender to be attractive. But I am not interested in sex or sexual acts form penentration to cunnilingus to kissing, in the slightest. No drive no interest no excitement no erection.

https://redd.it/1pq519z
@asexualityonreddit

Always getting stronger
https://redd.it/1pq8cis
@asexualityonreddit

Just updated my Vanilla Tweaks (Minecraft resource pack) to have pride hearts! I'm between the Asexual flag and the AroAce flag and not sure which I should go with

https://redd.it/1pq7s58
@asexualityonreddit