Can I be asexual and have a fetish?

I've never had sexual desires, sex drive, etc. never found humping to be arousing or exciting, and I've viewed sex as odd and not anywhere close to what 'love' should look like.
I was born (or at least had since a very young age) an attraction to something alternative (not comfortable with saying currently, considering I'd get backlash) and kinda had it as my "sex"- like I was attracted to it as an ordinary person would be attracted to sex, but only as a different thing. Do I still count as asexual if I frequently masterbate to it and find it attractive?

https://redd.it/1peg907
@asexualityonreddit

Ace Erasure in Therapy Community

Just feeling really sad and need somewhere to vent about this. I’m an ace therapist and one of my favorite accounts to follow from a fellow couples therapist has been making some posts lately that could really benefit from a non compulsory sexuality viewpoint and some ace friendly nuance. I made a respectful comment on her Instagram post and was met with hostility from her followers. I tried to engage thoughtfully but gave up.

Then tonight she made another post and I went to the comments where someone made fun of my viewpoint and the therapist agreed with them. So now I’ve unfollowed her but it just makes me really sad that none of these people are willing to try to see things differently. Sigh.

https://redd.it/1pei770
@asexualityonreddit

Any opinions around naked cuddling?



Well for me, i am pretty indifferent to it.

Idc abt nudity, i think bodies can be something beautiful/admiring without it being sexual. Like a art peace or just admirace of the aesthetic. I don’t see naked people as something that turns me on because i see a lot of videos relating to art/drawings and they do show nudity. And it made me see nudity as a form of art and aesthetic beauty.

So naked something that i am not so bothered as long as i am comfortable and as long as the pants are still on ( genitals creep me out )

I am ok if it is topless. I can enjoy skin to skin contacts and admire bodies aesthetically but as long as the pants are still on since the bottom parts freak me out IN MY OPINION


I still prefer cuddling with clothes on since it is comfy. But i am ok with naked cuddling ( again…as long as it is with pants on )

Sooo yep. And i want to know how you guys feel about it?


Is it ok for you? Do you like it? Do you not care or do you not like it at all?



( it is ok to not asnwered. It is mostly asked to ppl who want to asnwer it )


I am curious on what you opinions are ( if that’s ok )

https://redd.it/1pejd3h
@asexualityonreddit

The flag colours

Please explain to me, why does it have four colours for the flag? Like, I genuinely want to know the reason as to why.

Also, I’m graysexual, and would also like a reason for the colours of that flag but I weirdly think that that’s more self explanatory than the asexual flag.

But also, 4 colours for the asexual flag??? What other pride flags have 4 coloured lines, I’m genuinely curious and confused. Curifused.

I am confusion. How is this pretend I’m pointing at the asexual flag 4 colours but this pointing at graysexual flag is not 4 colours. Asexuals explain.

If you get the reference… has some garlic bread idk.

Oh god now I’m hungry.

I need some garlic bread and some gateau in no particular order. And sleep but after the garlic bread and gateau.

https://redd.it/1pei60u
@asexualityonreddit

Any opinions around naked cuddling?


Well for me, i am pretty indifferent to it.

Idc abt nudity, i think bodies can be something beautiful/admiring without it being sexual. Like a art peace or just admirace of the aesthetic. I don’t see naked people as something that turns me on because i see a lot of videos relating to art/drawings and they do show nudity. And it made me see nudity as a form of art and aesthetic beauty.

So naked something that i am not so bothered as long as i am comfortable and as long as the pants are still on ( genitals creep me out )

I am ok if it is topless. I can enjoy skin to skin contacts and admire bodies aesthetically but as long as the pants are still on since the bottom parts freak me out IN MY OPINION


I still prefer cuddling with clothes on since it is comfy. But i am ok with naked cuddling ( again…as long as it is with pants on )

Sooo yep. And i want to know how you guys feel about it?


Is it ok for you? Do you like it? Do you not care or do you not like it at all?



( it is ok to not asnwered. It is mostly asked to ppl who want to asnwer it )


I am curious on what you opinions are ( if that’s ok )

https://redd.it/1peja9i
@asexualityonreddit

I don’t get the appeal of sex

If I never learned about sex, I would never think of it to be a thing.

Like truly I don’t see the appeal or what’s so special about it. I don’t wanna be touched or felt in that way.

It feels unnatural and wrong.

Does anyone else feel this way

https://redd.it/1pemj3f
@asexualityonreddit

Okay so if you're grossed out by wording some books uses to describe a lingering kiss, don't click.

Ok so, I'm asexual, demi-panromantic for full explanation. Very very sex repulsed. I listen to audiobooks of all sorts (I have severe ADHD and have to activate my brain while working) all the time and frequently they have very er... Descriptive "sex and other types of... Showing affection?" All gross me out.

But that also leaves me very ignorant about what goes on in books and whether it's at all realistic. So when they say "he claimed my mouth with his tongue" ... Please tell me that doesn't actually happen in RL? I have to skip forward as it is (luckily most books tend to have the most descriptive sex stuff toward the end of a chapter so I can just skip to the next chapter) but I've heard of (what it was called when I was in high school anyway which was a very long time ago) "French kissing" involving tongues and mouths but like... Is this actually a thing? Blegh. I'm 37m and have zero experience in sexuality/sensuality so please ignore my ignorance. I literally have no one I can ask and the only reason I'm asking here is because it's more or less anonymous 😂

https://redd.it/1pejo61
@asexualityonreddit

How do you explain asexuality to family members who don't understand it?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it’s like to experience asexuality when even the idea of sex feels uncomfortable. Not just “not interested,” but genuinely uneasy mentally or physically when the topic comes up. And honestly, it can be confusing when the world treats sexual attraction like the default setting for being human.

It’s weird trying to explain that you can care about someone deeply, want connection, love, closeness just not the sexual part and that it doesn’t mean something is wrong or missing. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t the feeling itself, but the pressure: “you’ll change,” “just wait,” “you just haven’t met the right person.”

So I’m curious for anyone who’s been through this. How do you deal with discomfort around sex in conversations, relationships, or even just socially? What helped you accept your feelings instead of questioning them?

https://redd.it/1pet8v7
@asexualityonreddit

Its amazing this..!!

https://redd.it/1pevuu2
@asexualityonreddit

Help me choose a new ace ring!!

https://redd.it/1pewiwu
@asexualityonreddit

I've never considered myself being on the ace spectrum but i quite like the idea of being in a relationship without sex

little storytime for context: I've had a chrush on someone for a long time and recently it turned out that he likes me too and i couldn't be happier honestly. we made out and in the middle of the whole thing he told me that he's asexual and he wants me to know that he doesn't want to do anything more than kissing. i obviously told him that I'm okay with that and i won't be trying to push for anything anyways.
I've had moments before when i thought about being on the asexual spectrum but I've never really gave enough space to those thoughts before. I've had sex before multiple times and it was never a big deal for me. i am pretty sure i have experienced sexual attraction before, so naturally i considered myself allosexual, however i never understood why are we as a society putting any sexual activity over literally everything else. i always felt like it is just one fun thing you can do with your partner out of a million.
after this guy told me he's ace i reconsidered so many things, and honestly the idea that i could be in a relationship with him where i don't have to worry about sex got a huge weight off of my chest. we have an emotional bond that feels like nothing I've ever felt before and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life watching shitty shows while laying on his shoulder or cooking dinner together or getting cheap coffe at the mall on a weekday.
but i can't help but wonder could this mean I'm asexual?

https://redd.it/1peyfwb
@asexualityonreddit

Inclusivity is NOT exclusion or erasure, and acting like it is, is harmful.

I feel like something here needs to be addressed, and it’s a cycle I see on this subreddit happen again and again. For reference I am sex repulsed.

A recurring problem I see on this subreddit is a prevailing idea that the visible existence of sexual aces invalidates repulsed asexuals. The amount of times I’ve seen a repulsed ace saying they feel othered or they don’t belong in the ace community because they see evidence sexual aces exist is ridiculous.

Let’s be clear. YOUR orientation validity has bupkiss to do with other people’s sex lives. There is zero danger of repulsed asexuals being forgotten and the entire community turning into a sexual haven.

Repulsed aces are STILL the default. Every single time someone does the survey again in here, repulsed individuals are the majority. For all the people griping about hearing allos throw out the fact that asexual people can still have sex, there’s 20 allos that just equate asexuality with not liking sex or being celibate.

We don’t get to try to silence and shut up people because their existence makes things complicated. That’s another argument I’ve seen. “It confuses the allos and I’m forced to explain myself”. I’m sorry, that’s lazy. You’re used to being the default and that works for you. But again, forcing a large group of our brethren into silence so things don’t get complicated is just wrong.

The people upset that sex is discussed at all in here need to realize that in a way, sex is our common denominator. I’m sure there’s clean chat subreddits on here. This forum isn’t about chat that doesn’t involve sex. It’s all about our sex lives, honestly. There wouldn’t be a coherent theme without it.

I’m very very tired of repulsed people on here (which again, I am one), using the acknowledgment that sex exists and that asexual people may have sex or even enjoy it as proof they aren’t welcome here. Including and acknowledging the existence of other people is NOT excluding you. You’re the one trying to do the excluding, and it’s not okay.

https://redd.it/1pf0w8o
@asexualityonreddit

My Ave ring
https://redd.it/1pf1qeq
@asexualityonreddit

I think I identify as asexual but I don't think I will ever label myself as such

My Sexuality has always been very confusing for me. When I was 17 I remember questioning if I was asexual but I just assumed I must've lost feelings for my boyfriend at the time and that is why I felt like I didn't want to have sex with him anymore. Like a year into our relationship I told him I thought I might be a lesbian because sex with him always felt pretty neutral for me. I stopped feeling the desire to initiate with him and when he initiated it felt like a "chore". We ended up having a very long conversation with lots of tears but ultimately ended up staying together. He told me he was "fine with me hooking up with girls" (I didn't) and begged me to stay with him (the entire relationship was a mess don't judge). After that we both just kind of forgot about the whole me suspecting I'm a lesbian thing

When we broke up I slept with someone new every month but I honestly never enjoyed it. I just assumed I had terrible luck and everyone I slept with was just bad at sex. I was freshly 18 so its not as if the people I was sleeping with had tons of experience and I thought it would get better. I didn't even consider the possibility I might be asexual at the time because 99% of the time I was the one initiating. When I met my current boyfriend, he was a virgin and I was the one that initiated all of our firsts. I just felt indifferent towards sex and it wasn't that big of a deal to me. We have been together for almost 3 years now and he has been an amazing partner. He has been supportive of everything I do and I feel so safe and comfortable with him. I've never been in such a healthy relationship before and this peace has let me really reflect a lot about stuff that has happened to me and also my own toxic behaviours.

We used to have sex multiple times a day some days at the beginning of our relationship but for the past 2 years or so though my desire to have sex has been non-existent. I used to think it was such a big deal and listened to a lot of sex positive podcasts and subreddits to try ways to "re-ignite" the spark. Thinking about it now though, I think I was more worried about him leaving me for not wanting to have sex rather than actually wanting to have sex. He has never once pressured me or did anything to suggest this would be true though. I realise now that the reason I always was the one initiating was because of my own toxic mindset. I felt like I needed to satisfy the other person or they would leave me.

Literally only after looking into this subreddit did I realise that I've never actually felt sexual attraction to another person. I didn't realise most people have the thoughts of "I want to have sex with them" when they see someone attractive. I always thought asexual people just don't like sex and that is all there is to it. Sex with someone that knows your body can physically feel good though and asexual people can have sex. I realise now that every time I initiated was due to anxiety and not because I was horny. I don't think I will ever tell anyone in my life that I am asexual though. In my opinion, my sexuality is no ones concern but mine and my partner's and I have no problem having sex to satisfy my boyfriend also I want kids in the future so coming out as asexual would just overcomplicate stuff and change nothing in my opinion. I don't want my partner to feel like he is pressuring me or anything. He has desires and I understand that.

Sorry its long I just wanted a rant to get everything off my chest and this community seemed very open and accepting<3

https://redd.it/1pf4eyy
@asexualityonreddit

What do you think?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Asexual/comments/1pb40r5/am_i_asexual/ns525n6/

https://redd.it/1pf3099
@asexualityonreddit