Am I asexual?

Hey there!
I wonder can someone be asexual in one part of their life due to elevated level of stress/ mental or emotional ilnesses or trauma?

I had one long term relationship long time ago and my sex life was regular. I didn't feel very asexual then, I loved the person so sometimes I even enjoyed sex, but since then lot time has passed.. meanwhile I didn't have any meaningful relationship, just some passing sexual partners when I used to drink alcohol. Also, when I had sex it felt very boring to me, sober, or in altered state of mind. Even if I really liked the person emotionally, sex became boring after only few minutes, let alone few different times. I used to go months, or years without sex and then did it only to not feel something is wrong with me, I forced myself into having sex. But now I got tired even of that. I didn't have sex for a year and, don't really plan to. I still somehow pressure myself I must soon do it, because I feel that something is wrong with me if I don't. Also, usualy once a year I find myself feeling some attraction towards one person and I get all that tension, etc while speaking to them, but mostly they are unavailable for this or that reason. Maybe I subconsciously get physically attracted to person that's unavailable...
Am I asexual, or just very stressed out?

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A few more Drinks! By Me.

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A few more Drinks! By Me.

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How do you keep intimacy from automatically turning into sex? Looking for real life advice

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for practical advice because I feel like my situation doesn’t really fit the usual “just communicate your boundaries” type of answer. In real life, saying that kind of thing tends to kill the vibe completely.

Here’s the context.

I’m a heterosexual guy who genuinely enjoys physical intimacy, but not penetration. What I like is making out, touching, heavy touching, physical closeness, that level of connection. I don’t want to go further, and I also don’t want to give a whole explanation about my preferences every time I go out with someone.

I’ve had situations that went perfectly without needing to explain anything. For example, once I went out with a girl where, through texting, we both knew things might escalate. But in person she told me she was on her period, and I simply said I don’t like having sex during those days. The night still went great: we made out, touched, had good chemistry, and both left happy. That’s exactly the kind of dynamic I want to recreate.

My dilemma mostly happens with very sought-after girls ,women with several guys interested in them, lots of invitations, lots of options. With girls like that, the social expectation feels heavier. With calmer, more low-key girls everything flows differently; but with the highly pursued ones, it’s like the night already comes “pre-loaded” with the expectation that sex should happen.

That’s where things get tricky.
In certain contexts ,double dates, private gatherings, going back to someone’s apartment after drinks ,the whole environment pushes things toward penetration. And if she starts getting carried away, I know she’ll probably expect things to go further. I don’t want that, but I also don’t want to ruin the energy, give a speech about boundaries, or make it seem like I’m rejecting her.

I want to keep the connection at the level I actually enjoy: fun, intense, physical ,without it naturally escalating.

My ideal situations are things like:
• making out at a party;
• hanging out in a park and getting physical there;
• a movie theater with some making out and touching;
• a car, a late-night walk, etc.

But when the date ends in a private space ,especially with someone who has lots of options ,the whole setting pushes everything toward sex. And that’s the part I have trouble navigating without becoming an “anticlimax.”

So my question is:

How do you keep intimacy at that level without having to explain everything or break the moment?
How do you make sure both people leave satisfied without it having to end in sex?

I’m really looking for real-life experiences, practical strategies, small phrases that help steer the situation, or ways you’ve managed the moment. Thanks in advance.

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33/F!! Autistic and friendless. I love Studio GHIBLI movies, violin, poetry about snow and rivers, camping in cozy tents, baking yummy pumpkin pies, cosplaying, History, hiking trails such as the PCT, reading fantasy novels about elves. I live in the USA. Im a college student. I love art! :)
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Confused: what is romance?

How would you describe it?

What kind of actions are included?

I would like to get an idea of the range of understanding that exists on the meaning of it.

Thanks you guys!
Love yallllzzzzzz .. My people!!

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Can you help me understand Aromantic?

I have a hard time feeling an emotional connection with most people, even when I like them. Is that Aromantic? I already identify as Ace, but have been wondering if I am Aros too. Unfortunately, I haven’t received a good description of what Aromantic means, so I still don’t understand what it means to be Aros? Can you please explain it to me?

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Jan 2026 will be 10 years since ive had sex, and i don't miss it.

But i still want to cuddle with someone that is mine and no one else's. Wtf is wrong with my brain? So annoying.

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The "Asexual Dream"

You know the "American Dream," of a nuclear family and all that jazz. I gave up on that a while ago, as it just doesn't fit my lifestyle - a huge part of that being that I'm ace.

Which makes me wonder, for myself and others, what the Asexual Dream is?

I don't want to live alone, but also don't really want to date or get married. I think my ideal Asexual Dream would be to live with my platonic best friend roommate (omg, they were actually roommates!), who is also ace and gets it (so we can gossip and back each other up when we get unwanted attention from others). We would hang out sometimes and watch movies or play video games, maybe coordinate on dinner now and then. Make sure we're alive on a daily basis. But otherwise, be able to retreat into antisocialness and live fairly independently despite living together.

I've been doing a lot of questioning, too, how much I even value romantic relationships in my life. I could live this dream with a romantic partner, but I think my ideal dream would be living with a friend. I prefer the chill nature of friendships over the constant drama and emotional flux of a romantic relationship. I just want to live with a platonic friend and sometimes do stuff together. And help share the crazy housing costs.

What is your Asexual Dream?

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Made an ace bingo sheet :-)

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Am I Ace?

Hi! I really don’t know that much about Asexuality/aromantic stuff, so I am asking Reddit.

For context I’m a 13 year old girl and have a lot of trouble discerning platonic attraction and romantic attraction. I’ve been in two relationships before, both of which I only actually had platonic attraction for but I thought otherwise, and both with girls. I’m like 75% sure that I’m bi too.

I only really experience attraction for very very few people, I have like two celebrity crushes and one of them is a fictional character. One of them is a woman, who I just look at and it’s just like whoOshsqishebxisjs she’s so hot. Not much romantic attraction but a lot of sexual attraction. The second one is a man who I just have like so much freaking attraction for, romantically and sexually. Like omgomgomg he’s so hot and caring I wanna kiss him. I think it’s also because he’s from a show so I actually get to see his personality clearly and can be attracted to him. I have literally never had an actual crush before these two, and I even started to have fake crushes pretty late compared to other kids.

So, people of Reddit, give me your verdict.



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I crave intimacy, not sex. Is there a term for that?

Fair warning: I’m gonna be a smidge tmi but nothing super explicit just explaining my situation.

I’m not really sure where I fall on the asexual spectrum. I don’t find sex appealing or fun, but I do find the act pleasurable. Overall very “meh” experience. What I get the most enjoyment out of is non-sexual intimacy, ex: cuddling while naked because I can be as close to my partner as possible, sensual touching. I was just wondering if there was a label for what I feel.

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Salt Lake Valley Aces

I'm looking for other aces in the Salt Lake Valley area (Utah). I've looked through the various resources (AVEN, etc.) and it doesn't look like there is anything active here anymore. I've tried to be semi-active on reddit in the communities, but I feel...alone...irl.

I've only recently (less than a year) realized I am ace. So many unanswered questions about my past relationships and motivations were answered when I connected that dot. Support is about talking with people who have similar lived experiences, and that's what I'm hoping to find. This is not about dating, as I am married (trying to hang on to it as well w/ an allo wife). Just support and maybe friends.

I don't feel comfortable going to the LGBTQ+ groups. I'm an ally, always have been. But...I'm a white cisgender male who is hetero in all other aspects, so...I feel like I would be an imposter there, like I would be trying to pretend that I have faced any of the same oppression that they have. I know that the A stands for us. But I also know that we haven't always been welcome in those spaces either.

So...I guess...I'm just hoping to maybe sit around in a coffee shop and talk to other people who are asexual like me. Bonus points if you have IC and/or problems with AFib.

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Confused NSFW

I am really struggling wheather I could be asexual or just have low libido. I'm going to do my best to give details and explain because I NEED HELP. I'm currently in a long term relationship. In the beginning of the relationship (honeymoon phase) I could only have sex if I was intoxicated. I was too embarrassed and nervous. A few years later I have noticed I don't need sex. I don't crave it. I also am not sexually attracted to people. That's so hard to explain and feel since I don't think I've ever felt it. I can see someone and think they are extremely attractive but I don't think about sex. I don't know if it's more of I don't need sex in a relationship or if it's I don't want sex. Any advice or ANYTHING would help 💗

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