I'm non-asexual, my boyfriend is not

I'll preface that I have ZERO issues with the actual fact that he's asexual, I wasn't sure that it's appropriate to put this in this discussion (I'm new), but sometimes non-asexual people can be awful and misunderstanding about our relationship :(

we've been together almost half a decade and I love this man sm, we've been through so much and he's truely the light of my life. However... he has a complete sex repulsion, while I do not. I'm definitely not a highly sexually motivated person (I used to identify as demisexual, perhaps I still am), however it is still something I'd like in our relationship:( he didn't discover his asexual identity till a year or two into our relationship (we were very young, I hadn't made moves as I was nervous and, am to this day, still a virgin), so this is not something I'd known to prepare for when we got together

This is something I know I should have a discussion with him about, but I don't know what I'd even say... I don't want to make him feel sad or inadequate, or gross him out, but I hate feeling like I need to choose between one or the other...

Honestly I just want to know if there's anybody else out there in our boat, and how they learned to cope as someone on my side of the situation?

Again I apologize if this is inappropriate to put in this thread... I don't know where else to go where people won't rudely tell me to break up with him :(

https://redd.it/1o6w37b
@asexualityonreddit

I am so tired and so lost...

I am just so tired. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so hopeless.

I just think my life would be so much easier if I wasn't this way, I have lost so many friendships and so many genuine connections that I cherished so deeply because of the simple fact that I am asexual and sex repulses me. And before you go and say they were not real friends anyway and you will find your people who accept you, I really don't think I will. Because at bottom the problem is not them, it is me. It is hard to be around someone that you have feelings for knowing that they cannot stand physical affection in any form. It is a hard thing to work with. I don't blame them for giving up and moving along with their lives but it still hurts. I don't even want to make friends anymore as I am terrified that it will eventually graduate into something more and then when it does I will lose them.

And this is really just the tip of the iceberg for me, I hate how vulnerable being asexual has made me, I hate what I have had to put up with all because I just couldn't accept myself and accept my sexuality. I hate that I just let people have my body, have my mind, take advantage of me in all these ways because I was desperate to just be "normal." And have normal relationships. But even then I am more mad at myself because I feel as if I didn't have proper boundaries in place in the first place. You know how many people want a relationship or want to be pursued and here I am throwing that away, that's how it feels sometimes.

It is just a phase and I will get over it once I find the right person or group of people... yeah spoiler alert that never happened. And if anything people took advantage of me thinking in such ways. I do want to have meaningful connections, just not sexual ones.

I also hate how some doctors will blame my asexuality on trauma. And while yes I know I have trauma to work through, I truly do not believe that this is the cause of my asexuality. I believe that I have always been asexual since I was born. If anything it feels as if being asexual has caused trauma for me if that even makes sense.

I have been in such compromising situations, doing things that I was not comfortable doing and for the longest time I told myself it was all okay because sex is meaningless to me so why does it matter if they are happy I am happy. And now I just can't lie to myself like that anymore and I am at my breaking point. I think it is this realization that has really turned my life upside down.

I feel as if I am in a constant state of emotion.

Random crying outbursts to feelings of just pure hopelessness. I have never felt this way before and I am debating therapy as I have decent insurance now (I have not had a therapist since childhood).

I don't even know if this rant made sense but I just had to get this stuff out, I can't keep it in any longer.

Maybe a few can even relate to this?

I don't know I just feel so lost and hopeless right now.

https://redd.it/1o6zv84
@asexualityonreddit

Ah yes because adults have no right not to want sex😮‍💨
https://redd.it/1o715je
@asexualityonreddit

i like sex but literally only for the other person's enjoyment. anyone else?



i feel like an alien for how i enjoy sex. if i can avoid being touched? great. but sometimes i just like how people react? that's the only thing that actually gets me "turned on" (?) how i personally feel is usually irrelevant or uncomfortable. ive been aspec for ages, but now that im older (an adult, really) it just feels so complicated. how weird am i for developing this perspective? please tell me im not so outlandishly alone in this, like i feel i am.

https://redd.it/1o73gz0
@asexualityonreddit

I just hate sex

I just hate sex

https://redd.it/1o7623x
@asexualityonreddit

It’s frustrating how I lose attraction to someone the moment they start talking about sex

(F24) I’ve been realizing I’m asexual, and I’ve always had a hard time flirting with people. I like flirting, being affectionate and all that, but the moment someone shows any sexual interest in me, I just lose all attraction.

There was this girl I was talking to. She was really cool, and we were into each other. We started flirting in a cute, affectionate way, but after a while the conversations got more suggestive, and that’s when I completely lost interest.

I didn’t tell her I’m Ace, mostly because I still don’t know how to talk about it. But it honestly frustrates me how I just can’t deal with people being sexually attracted to me.



https://redd.it/1o77el1
@asexualityonreddit

I... How can someone be this way???

https://redd.it/1o76awo
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuality feels like a curse

My best friend who I love dearly is getting married .I never told I liked him because I am an asexual and he is not. i knew that we are not compatible that way on a fundamental level. I just wish I could not have any romantic feeling at all along with not having sexual feelings , would prevent heartbreak

https://redd.it/1o79mg3
@asexualityonreddit

Enjoy a Good Laugh, It’s on the House
https://redd.it/1o7eves
@asexualityonreddit

Another failed talking stage due to my asexuality

Like the title says, I just had another failed talking stage because I'm ace and he's allo.

I'm F19, and me and this dude met on snapchat (💀) and were only talking for a little over a week, but so far everything was literally going perfect. It was like we were the same person. We even were making plans to meet up and hang out. I knew the topic of sex was like lingering, so I just straight up told him that I wasn't looking to hookup when we hangout, and he was saying be wasn't thinking that either. But he ended up asking if I wanted to wait till marriage, so I just dropped the ace-bomb and told "don't wanna wait till marriage technically because I don't want to ever have sex" lol (I'm sex averse). He was actually mainly interested by the fact that I'm ace but not aro, so I told him he could ask whatever question and I'd answer them if I feel comfortable doing so bc I wanted him to know all abt it and not have assumptions that were wrong. In the end, he's respectful abt it (which is the most I feel like I could ask for) and we're going to continue to be friends.

I guess that was just context and this is the rant part. I'm so tired of feeling like my asexuality is ruining my chances of finding someone. I've already heard the "you're still so young" "you've still got time to find someone" phrases. I've met 2 other asexual ppl in my real life, and they're both aro too. So like the chances of finding someone ACE but not ARO?? such slim chances. About that one guy tho, I'm incredibly disappointed bc like I said, it was going literally perfect. Idk what more I could've asked for, he matched my energy like no one else has before, but just the fact that I don't want to have sex is enough to end it all. And it's not how it sound, he said that part of him wanted to still hang out, but that he knows it wouldn't last long term and didnt want to lead me on. Which is valid to me, and it shows that at least part of him still liked me and me not wanting sex didn't immediately turn off all his feelings toward me. But I'm disappointed and I'm pissed. Pissed bc I feel like my asexuality is making me miss out on a perfect (so far) guy. Overall, I'm not really mad at him bc he was up front with what he wanted in a relationship and I can 100% respect that bc it's the same thing that I was doing when I was telling him I'm ace. I can't be mad at someone for being allosexual. Just like me being ace, they can't just change their feelings and desires. I think I'm more mad at myself and my sexuality for ruining my possible relationship YET AGAIN!

https://redd.it/1o7h2zo
@asexualityonreddit

Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

https://redd.it/1o7n2vq
@asexualityonreddit

POISON POUCH TURNS THE TOOLS ACE???
https://redd.it/1o7rrpf
@asexualityonreddit

i tried to have sex and now i feel unclean

hello

I (21f) tried to have sex with a guy just a few hours ago and now I'm freaking out.

For the past 4 years I've identified as asexual: I feel little to no attraction to people in general, every time I did feel attraction it was strictly emotional and sex in general grossed me out.

(The first time I tried to have sex with a boyfriend I felt unconfortable and refused penetration. The other times we tried sexting or doing it while on call I felt weird, awkward and generally not turned on).

So yeah, asexual.

Except, in the last few months I felt an increase in my usual libido (I can usually stay months without thinking about masturbating, it's not something I think about every day).

So i tried going on a date with this guy and tonight i brougth him home (it was absolutely my idea, he didn't pressure me into doing anything and he was respectful the whole time), and I thought it was going okay even though kissing him wasn't actually doing anything to me.

Then I tried giving him head and oh boy, I did not like that. Do people actually like doing that shit? Jesus Christ. And when we started doing it felt mechanical, almost as if it wasn't me who was doing it. then i just tried to get him off with my hands but he took fuckinf forever and he wasn't sure he came and i didn't want to be touched anymore because all I could think about was how disgusting i felt and how bad i wanted to shower and clean my whole room again.

After he left i changed all the sheets and pillows and anything he touched and i took a shower immediately.

Now i feel disgusting and grossed out and generally not good, and I can't believe people do that every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I honestly want to throw up.

Anyway, I guess the only thing I wanted to do with this post was rant, but i did wonder if antone else has a similar experience? I honestly feel bad about the whole deal and I know I should love myself no matter what, but i do actually feel broken, as if my body was just bult wrong, as if no one followed the instructions and came uot with something that isn't quite right.

https://redd.it/1o7rmpq
@asexualityonreddit

How did you deal with asexuality in middle school and high school, college?

Hi everybody, I have been identifying as a sexual since I was 13 and I’ve been very confused about romantic attraction as well as I am a biromantic woman. Many times people would just label you as bi, and it was hard for me because I would be in love with both males and females, but it was easier just to be labeled as bisexual rather than biromantic. A lot of people normalize sex, and relationship, especially in that age and I was always horrified about the thought of doing that because for one I saw myself as a kid and for two I was very scared of just being that close to someone I remember I had a girlfriend and I was so anxious thinking about the time that we were gonna eventually have sex wherever that would be. I later felt insecure about being a virgin because everybody else was kinda like pushing that down your throat and people will look at you funny when you tell them that you don’t have sexual experience. I got over that and I was proud of my decision that I stay true to my values. Even when I was in college, I stayed true to myself, and I didn’t do anything. I just really never sought it out, but I did like the romantic attraction and people have a hard time differentiating the two.

https://redd.it/1o7rshj
@asexualityonreddit