What even am I


My friend made a point that I could be asexual with a hypersexual trauma response. Personally I’m just confused.

I have DID for some context so that means I have alters or different personalities. One part of them was ace to the point of being repulsed by anything and everything sexual. We had a fusion which means he fused with two of us (3 alters/personalities became one) and since then the host has been a bit asexual but we’re confused on if it’s because of the fusion or if that’s really us

All of my life I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t get there when I had solo time. After realizing I had DID I realized I had been molested and used for sex from at least 4-12.

I had my first relationship last summer (wlw) I don’t remember most of it cuz of my DID. I don’t remember if I ever wanted to kiss them. We did kiss a few times but I think I dreaded it and didn’t understand how to do it. It just felt weird. I’ve never had sex that I’ve consented to so I don’t know if I’d like it. At the moment the idea of having sex (both giving and receiving) with someone or kissing someone makes me feel sick.

I don’t want to be asexual. I want to have kids with someone. Am I just supposed to have a friend and have kids with them I don’t get it.

Then there’s people like my best friend who I’ve always had a thing for and I’ve written songs about kissing people. So I’m just so extremely confused and don’t understand plus I’m ready to start dating again this is the worst timing

I feel like no one’s going to have anything to say and this turned into a sort of vent but idk just how did you know you were asexual and do/did you still ever do anything sexual? (Ik it’s a spectrum)

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What happened to acebook?

Does anyone know what happened to acebook? I went to check it for the first time in a few months, and it’s not working…

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What do I do about my non-asexual boyfriend?

My boyfriend (25m) and I (22f) have been together for nearly a year and now I feel stuck. We’ve only had sex once and now I feel guilty because I’m asexual.

I recently reminded him I’m asexual, since when we first got together he seemed fine. But now I don’t think he knows what it means for me. I don’t feel sexual attraction. Yeah I find my boyfriend hot but I’m just not sexually attracted to anything?

Now, we’ve been arguing a lot because I’ve started saying no more often during intimacy. He tells me that it’s because of my trauma growing up and that when I get better I’ll be normal again.

And i feel even worse when we argue and he calls me immature for this, because he’s seen cases where an asexual person was no longer asexual when they found their partner. I’m not like that. Now I feel stuck because he clearly wants to be intimate and always says that if we aren’t we can’t have a family.

I reminded him I want a family too and that adoption is always an option, and that if he really wanted biological kids instead I’d be willing to do that. I just don’t want intimacy by any other means.

He tells me to “just enjoy it” and that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. And that he’s “fine” with me being asexual he just wants me to want it more because my “heart is closed”.

Someone please just help me. I don’t know what to do anymore.

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Question 💭

Hello I’m new here and also new to this community I’m still reading up on things for knowledge and to better understand myself going forward.

My question is can I be both Bisexual and Asexual ?

I personally align with both , I am attracted to both male and female, and I’m also asexual because my attraction to someone stops there . I don’t have the desire to interact in sexual relations , again I’m still looking into things and reading right now
( reading/book suggestions welcome)
I’m trying to figure out if I’m more inline with demisexual or Graysexual .

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Garlic bread >:3
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Do I or do I not divulge before dating?

I'm ace, 29F, and have recently adopted the label. I've dated before, but I've never slept with anyone. Nor do I want to either. But I've recently discovered I might not be aromantic as I previously assumed. I have started dating again, only this time I want people I'm dating to know what's on the table and what isn't. Personally, I'm not really possessive and am open to the concept of my partner seeking out others for physical relationships. Exclusivity is not a big deal for me frankly.

That said, my straight friends think I'm being defeatist or setting myself up for failure. That I shouldn't "reveal" that I'm Asexual before idk, before anyone falls for me I guess. I think it's a bit dishonest not to, although I do know it limits my prospects, especially since I'm straight.

What say you, internet people?

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“I get asexual when I’m locked in”

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Chocolate Analogy?

I've heard the analogy used that for asexuals it's like sex is chocolate and we're people who don't like chocolate but I feel like this is inaccurate as some asexuals do like and enjoy "chocolate" and some dislike or hate "chocolate" I feel like a better analogy would be to say we don't crave chocolate but what do think? Am I over complicating things?

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GF broke up with me

My gf just broke up with me after 9 months of the best relationship I've had in so long. She said she doesn't feel physically desired. I'm so frustrated because I'm very open about being Ace and I guess she thought she could deal but couldn't? I'm heartbroken. I love this girl and just want to make this work but there's no real compromises here. I wish she had realized this earlier.

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Simo Hayha was asexual since he never married and preferred to just have friends?

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💜💚🤍 “Dear Luke, Love, Me” Anew film about a queer-platonic, asexual relationship drops this Friday on Apple TV

Hey everyone! I just found out that Dear Luke, Love, Me, a film centered on an asexual, queer-platonic relationship, is finally releasing on Apple TV this Friday, and I’m surprised it’s not being talked about here yet.

Plot:
Spanning over a decade, soulmates Penny and Luke navigate their queer-platonic significant-other relationship while facing pressure to “find something normal.” It’s tender, messy, and deeply validating for anyone who’s ever had a bond that doesn’t fit traditional labels.

Why it matters:
It’s being called one of the first narrative feature films to focus on an asexual love story. Writer-producer Mallie McCown based it on her own real-life QPR-like experience, and it’s directed by Guillermo Díaz (Scandal, Weeds). The film was crowdfunded by over 1,200 backers and filmed in Virginia.

Where to watch:
→ Trailer
https://youtu.be/LKJvIFAcTuI?si=aoN7s3neKIujDf2T

→ Fluently Aspec’s spoiler-free review
https://youtu.be/QIPpL98MZEo?si=o614IVBja7tSllJc

→ Apple TV listing
https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/dear-luke-love-me/umc.cmc.6qer6q311z5e60jz3s8drkyvm

I feel like this could be a big deal for ace, aro, and QPR representation 😊 If you watch it, please come back and share your thoughts! 💜💚🤍


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Can you be asexual and very freaky?

Hellooo!

I've been thinking about my sexuality for years now. Based on my experience, identifying as something on the ace-spectrum would make the most sense.

I have never felt sexual attraction, to a point where I had to research the concept for weeks to understand it properly. I really don't feel it. When I researched, people often thought of arousal and attraction as different, not directly connected things to feel, what makes much more sense than to categorise them as the same exact thing.

But could there be a third 'category'? Because many things I did were FREAKY (I don't wanna go into detail, but some would even be conconsidered overly freaky for allosexuals, sooo...)

Nonetheless, I registered two crucial features in all of these actions:

Firstly, I NEVER felt sexual attraction like allosexual people describe it. It was never pointed at a specific person nor had I the active fantasy of doing naughty things with these people.

Secondly, I was never really 'aroused' or did said things because of arousal. I never had the intention to do sexual activities with said people. When something happened, I wasn’t the one initiating the act itself. I only went with it (because I was okay with it!). I was talking and texting about these kinda things, but the active wish to do them never left my fantasy. And as soon as they got too real, I wasn't finding joy in them anymore.

I wasn't aroused or attacked, I was just very very freaky. Due to the fact of these somewhat chaotic feelings and intertwining concepts, I am actively doubting my identification as asexual.

Like I already said, asexuality is a spectrum and I know I am somewhere on that. Nevertheless, it makes me uncomfortable or even worse, feeling like I am not a part of the ace community or even harming it, by using its labels.

Do you think, 'being freaky' could be categorised separately or does it fit in one of the existing concepts?

Sorry for my english-skills, I am not a native speaker and languages aren't really my thing.

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What verified that you were ace?

I guess I need to discuss this with my therapist but I’ve just been reflecting

I had my first relationship last summer and I was incredibly disappointed in my first kiss and I didn’t enjoy any of the kisses I had after that (we didn’t have sex I’m also wlw)

I think I’d be okay never having any sexual things again

With masturbation I always felt addicted as in I’d go on almost binges of doing it. I had the idea of taking back the power over it and I was never able to finish bc I’d get overwhelmed. I was molested as a kid.

I want to raise a family but I don’t see anything sexual in my future

This just seems scary for some reason and I very well could be wrong, I thought I was trans for 9 months before realizing I was nonbinary so it’s just scary

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What if I’m wrong

Sex sounds bad kissing sounds bad I don’t like the idea of cuddling I could maybe tolerate holding hands. I want kids. I don’t even understand am I destined to just live with a best friend and raise kids? I don’t even understand this enough. And I’m too traumatized to date a man. I get confused because I get intrusive thoughts about living with and kissing all my friends and it makes me feel like a freak. I just get so confused and embarrassed idek and can I even call myself ace is it even right? And is it normal to grieve the self I guess I never had? Like I couldn’t even sleep around if I wanted I’ll never be able to take back the power over sex because I hate it idek

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When you and your bestie both help each other come out as aces

Hi! This is just a story of two besties and how we come out as aces to each other :D

I have this friend (we'll call her B) and we have been bestie since high school. I noticed very quickly that she got that aro ace in her. Like, homegirl has zero interest and zero understanding when it comes to romance and s*x. So I was just waiting for her to come out. But apparently, she thought she wasn't and didn't even know the term lol. I told her what I noticed, encouraged her to do more research, and assured her that she gets to choose if she wants the label or not, and I will accept her no matter what. She finally came out as aro ace to our friend's group and seems much happier, so yippeeee!!!

As for me, I didn't think I was ace cause I had limited knowledge, and I thought I was just single and hadn't found my person yet (gurl u thought-). However, after one year of being in a relationship, I noticed my attitude towards s*x and attraction isn't what I thought it was. I thought I would be excited and maybe even addicted to s*x, but it wasn't as good as cuddling or going on a date lol. And besides, I'm also bisexual and I am attracted to both men and women romantically and sexually...? I think? What is the difference :p. I really thought I was broken, but like my libido is working, so what is going on?!

So I texted B and did more research, and we were able to relate to each other so much. We both noticed how weird s*x is so valued in relationships, why everyone is hyping it up so much, why people find it hard not to engage in it, sexual frustration, how we don't mind living the rest of our lives without s*x, etc. Our main difference, however, is that B is what people typically think of when they hear the word "aro/ace," and I am ace that can still engage in sexual activities, I just prefer not to. As I put it for her, boba > booba

In a poetic way, she encourages me in the same way I encouraged her before, and that helped me so much! I came out to her a second time as bi and ace, and I feel so much more connected with my bestie! We decided to call ourselves the Aces Sisters and have code names for each other. Mine is Ace of Hearts (cause I still like romance) and hers is Ace of Spades.

Anyway, idk if this is a joy story, but thank you for reading my yapping! Stay safe, everyone :D

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Tired of everyone assuming I’m ‘just shy’ because I’m asexual 😩

Okay, real talk… does anyone else feel like people assume you’re ‘just shy’ or ‘haven’t met the right person’ or 'it's because you didn't try it yet' when you’re asexual? Because I’m tired of explaining it every time.
How do you guys usually respond to that?

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Attracted to men but repulsed by pee pees.

Exactly what the title says divas. I don’t even know how to talk to people about it without sounding like a horrible person. Im 18f and I just recently realised that I was ace. I broke up with my now ex because of my asexuality and our long term incompatibility as a result of it.

When I dated my ex, I remember being utterly repulsed when I saw his dih for the first time. It didn’t have anything to do with looks. It wasn’t literally disgusting. I just got super grossed out on the inside after seeing it. I didn’t say anything about it at all then because basic human respect. It’s not like anyone gets to choose their body. But as much as Ive tried I can’t forget that feeling. Today I was doing a nude life drawing class with a male model and that repulsion just came right back to me. I got the worlds biggest ick while I was drawing the model and was suddenly horrified by the fact that the people I am attracted to have dicks. I genuinely dont know what to do. I thought that being in a relationship would change that feeling over time, but seeing as I broke up partly because of my asexuality and that I still experience that awful feeling, it’s clear to me that how I feel isnt going to change at all. I feel like a terrible person for judging AMAB people so harshly for something completely put of their control, but I am genuinely just so repulsed by penises. I dont know what to do.

Edit: Grammar and clarity edits

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How did you meet your partner that accepted you for being ace?

I really need some uplifting stories after getting rejected so many times after I tell them I’m ace. What did your partner do differently that made you know they were the one?

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