Starting your day with running is a great way to make sure your day can't get any worse

It’s annoying that so many songs are about love and that there aren’t more songs about eating.

The easiest way to be rich is to born rich

No matter how good of a person you are, you are evil in someone else's story.

More people would probably enjoy Shakespeare as adults if they hadn't been forced to study it as children.

Nothing feels better than sleeping in, but nothing feels worse than waking up late

you have to pretend to fall asleep to fall asleep

It's lonelier to be in a group of people who you don't match with than to be all alone

If you keep accusing someone they’re mad, eventually it’ll become true

The thought of having a day off a night before is more relaxing than the day off itself.

When someone tells you "no offense" next thing you hear is the most offending thing in the conversation.

The gym is the only place where the customer works harder than employees

Questioning nothing is stupid. Questioning everything is also stupid.

People don't just have different opinions anymore. People live in whole different realities.

Halloween is the only holiday that doesn't typically involve massive family drama.