Official court document on United States v Jubair (Scattered Spider, Earth2Star)

Imagine being "INDIVIDUAL-1". The FBI just kicks in your door asking who "Austin" is 😭

Chat, I'm not a crypto nerd.

In this Scattered Spider court document, they state Mr. Jubair a/k/a Earth2Star received approx. 920.16BTC from performing ransomware attacks.

How difficult is it to safely launder 920.16BTC?

(approx. $108,062,646 as of this writing)

WHO THE FUCK DID THEY RANSOM FOR 964 BTC

There's people on Xitter saying "The COM" is an ANTIFA, LGBTQIA, Furry, Transexual anti-American gang funded by George Soros

This has occured because FBI Director Kash Patel mentioned 764 in a Senate hearing. Ameriburgers who don't do computers looked up 764, found "The COM" on Wikipedia, and now think "the COM" is some sort of Democrat (American Liberal) funded organization

Dawg wtf LOL

The craziest thing about the entire Scattered Spider trilogy is how simple they operated and how effective it was

They didn't utilize 0day exploits. They didn't utilize novel and "undetectable" malware. They didn't exploit N-days or try to find vulnerable external facing machines.

All they did was call the help desk. That's it. That's literally it.

Scattered Spider performed basic reconnaissance from social media (LinkedIn), investor websites, and dug up any information they could about the company.

Then they called the help desk.

That's how they compromised banks, critical infrastructure, casinos, car manufacturers, petroleum companies, luxury brands, government entities, air lines, and record labels.

Once they got access they used basic open source tooling from GitHub. It was never anything super fancy.

All of these companies invested heavily into Threat Intelligence, SOC analysts, Endpoint Detection Response software, DFIR experts, and anything else you can think of and it was defeated by doing basic research on the company and calling the help desk

We're so fucked

Im telling you right now bro, if a girl joined in on their Scattered Spider spree, it would have been x100 worse.

Imagine some girl calls in. She tells the dork at the help desk that she's confused, doesn't understand computers, and says shit like "hehe you sound cute" or "wow you're so smart".

Bro would fold in a nanosecond. All security protocols right out the fuckin window.

That would probably be the first compliment that mfer on helpdesk has had in his life. They'd give that chick access to the domain controller if she wanted

Anyway, that's my nightmare fuel for you.

I guess I'll be doing a talk at Dakota State University via Discord.

Their cybersecurity club leader person (?) approached me and persuaded me to do a talk. They have expert negotiation skills. It was a long back and forth.

See attached image for the intense negotiation and bartering.

Crazy seeing a ZachXBT cameo performance in the Scattered Spider ransomware trilogy

Scattered Spider made $12,000,000 from ransoming Caesar Palace in Las Vegas.

But then ZachXBT popped up and help freeze the funds in January, 2024.

Anytime there is a crazy amount of crypto money going around this mfer pops up like the boogie man hahahahaha

Yesterday I made a post discussing women performing social engineering.

The post (and joke) was that if a woman calls helpdesk, pretends to be dumb with computers, acts confused, and comments things like "hehe you sound cute" or "wow, you're so smart", then exploitation is much easier.

Help desk nerds probably haven't received a compliment in years and would fold in a nanosecond.

Subsequently, someone commented, "How can someone counteract this?"

The answer is simple. Hire women.

It's a well known and scientific fact women are immune to other women trying to coerce them. It is equivalent to a fire type Pokemon trying to fight a fire type Pokemon.

If the helpdesk lady encounters a woman pretending to be dumb, she'll immediately pick up on it.

Help desk lady will not fold.

Help desk lady will not fall for the trap.

Help desk lady will be annoyed instead of flattered.

Help desk lady is our only true savior

This playfully sexist joke is sponsored in part by NyQuil. You can drink NyQuil even if you're not sick.

Thank you, NyQuil, for making me possess deranged thoughts such as comparing women to Pokemon

Chat, if an employee at a social media company takes a bribe to reinstate banned accounts, is that considered an insider threat?