Today is Aromantic Visibility Day, and I decided to talk about myself on this exact day

For a very long time, I denied my aromanticism. I tried to build relationships, thought about family, about the future. I told myself that my feelings were love, just deeper than what others feel. But now I understand that it wasn't deeper — it was further. Further from the reality I didn't fit into. Everything I mistook for love was actually codependency and a search for fusion, characteristic of my BPD

Right now, this is a huge disappointment for me, and, I'm sure, for some of my friends too. I'm a little sorry that I understood this so late. But this separation is important to me: where the symptoms of the disorder end and where I myself begin. Aromanticism has been with me since childhood — I just didn't want to notice it

I want to say a huge thank you to Vika. For these six months by my side. You've done so much for me and helped me figure out what I actually feel. I'm sorry if I misled you and caused you pain

What's actually funny is that I've already had several coming-outs, and perhaps some of you are hardly surprised. My perception of orientation has shifted from side to side, but I don't choose the gender of my FP, so it all turned out pretty confusing. My entire past experience has been a path to knowing myself — to understanding who I am and what other people are

And now!!! I've finally untangled myself — admitted it to myself and opened up to the people closest to me. Perhaps this isn't the end, and someday I'll understand something else. But for now, I want to believe in my aromanticism and stop deceiving myself and others

Thank you for reading ❤️❤️

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