today i am being harsh on myself again. i told myself this time i'll give myself some time to form conviction and run, but i find myself being chased by my own mental haste again.

i submitted the new app really fast and was proud of myself for the resilience and momentum.

if i'm being honest, it's lacking the experiential hook. it feels mediocre. it needs a twist and i'm not sure what that can be yet.

i'm submitting and fixing the app, and in parallel creating waitlist pre launch.

gonna figure it all out one by one.

whenever i restore myself back to the best version of myself, the next destination always reveals itself.

blood is thicker than water

was reading back and i find this one soothing for myself.

in the zone, getting some serous work done. gotta break through this one mental disconnect I got about what I'm building.

just really need an absolutely uninterrupted block of 3-4 hours. zero distraction post workout + caffeine, i can get some amazing work done.

weekends to me is just another day. what i must get done does not leave my mind. i'm either at my desk doing the work, or thinking about it all the time.

gdi my dog just puked a little. really challenging to have the zero distraction state. i need to lock myself up in the mountains alone or something. frustrating

this diary is my mental mirror

i just don’t feel that great this morning.

need to overcome this and finish my workout.

must believe in myself more and finish what i started.

greatness is around the corner and i shouldn’t let my mood affect my path to it.

i crawled myself to the finish line of what i wanted to get done last night, i felt hopeless last night. felt like a bum, felt like my golden era was over.

but after great sleep, great workout, i feel invincible. i am capable of everything that i have ever dreamed of.

lack of sleep makes me forget who i really am. inches me closer to spiritual death.

gotta keep in mind and protect my top performance state at all costs.

when i work on a product, there comes the tipping point where i am so sold that i start having delusions about it.

that time is now, and i am ready and capable of making use of it.

i resisted posting videos on youtube before polishing my app,

but this app ain’t gonna sell itself so decided to just get started.

it’s not many views, but i have to start.

i don’t enjoy editing and making professional videos and i don’t have time to make them for now, so at least gonna try these shorts to storytell my way into the narrative of my new app.

https://youtube.com/shorts/z9QfPz-TFso?si=wyXtKY6AOJIVQXrI

last 2% taking forever, but i love what i'm working on.

"if you are gonna do it, do it." as yoda once said, "do or not, there is no try"

what i see now in the current version of this app, is far from what i eventually want, but enough to ship and learn from.

been building solo from scratch.

pros:
- vision/delusion stays sharp
- fast decision

cons:
- slower to build
- building/marketing require different brain stack so challenging to do them both in parallel

sometimes i cling to my laptop all day long, keep at it, code design, make content, and write all the while feeling the negative voice in my head,

but despite all, the fact that i gave it my shot itself puts me to better sleep, and tomorow is another day.

mood may swing, but my discipline should not.

good job me. i'm grateful for all that i have. all that i've tried. and hopeful for more. good night

had a dream about my old colleague. he seemed depressed. had a lot to say about how empty he was feeling at his job. idk if that was really him or my own state of mind.

dreams are odd. maybe it is a strangely twisted slice of our parallel universe.

saturday, i tried to work but didn’t get much done today. gonna take the day as a resting day even though i initially wanted to get more done.

sometimes my short term next steps need to be less ambitious so that it can just be completed