When I told people that my mind is complicated, I wish people believed me rather than refuse to believe it and trying to prove it to me that I’m easy to understand because when they fail to understand me, they prove me that my words are actually true instead.

I do not wish to be scatterbrained, to be a complicated wreck and such a mess but God don’t I deserve at least one person to understand me. Anybody, it could be anybody. A stanger, a friend, a mutual, I don’t know. I just wish someone could understand me.

I do not wish to live in someone’s shadow that as the time goes by it gave me a whole new mindset

But you know what, rather than asking someone to understand me maybe it’s better to just hold back everything

Nangis 1 jam

Ache

It aches

I keep too much things from everyone that breaks me now I’m about to explode

In sooth, not a soul in my surroundings knows the relationship I’m having with myself as I disguise the hatred I have for myself, burying the animosity to the ground and covering it with counterfeit confidence so nobody can use it against me. I made myself look like a narcissist—that’s the only way I feel a little better about myself, it is a self defense towards the frame of mind I have about myself. All simultaneously.

When did all our lessons starts to look like weapons—pointing at my deepest hurt?

I never felt understood, I never felt heard and it’s killing me.

Never felt as shitty as being invisible or leftout

Worst feeling ever

Today, Thailand finally legalized same-sex marriage.

To White and Sean, congratulations! I hope in some other universe you're about to have the most beautiful wedding ever.

Past me, you’ve turned into the person you wished to be. You are now braver than ever. Past me, if you knew that I have now overcome all my fears, you would be very proud of me. Those grudges you’ve been holding, they’re gone to every place where they belong. Those open wounds you had in every part of your body have disappeared as if healed by the wind, and you are finally clean.

Just today, I visited a room where I could see you, and I saw you smile with your lips but never your eyes. Past me, I wish you could see how you are now smiling brightly with your eyes too. I don’t know since when, but your eyes are now brighter, your smile has become wider, and something about it seems more... genuine...

There was a mirror in the room where I could look at who I am now, and I saw a woman standing tall, fearless and fierce. I saw a woman who finally knows better, a woman who knows her worth, a brave woman—the woman you wished you were—is who you are now.

So past me, thank you for never giving up on me. You lived day by day, never knowing what it would be like right now. Thank you for each time you could have easily given up, you chose not to and took one more breath, and one more breath, and one more breath until today—you have finally become who you wanted to be.

A happier person with a truthful smile and without any blue was seen in from her eyes.

I’ve been on my knees