I no longer have any interest in connecting with people.
I’d rather just stay away from them.
I don’t know whether it was the effect of SAMPAD or something else, but whatever it was, people are no longer understandable to me, and I’m not interested in trying to understand them either.
The way I think has made me prefer staying at home, listening to music, reading books, cooking, and living in silence.
And I’m happy with that‌.

It has been a long time that I feel broken and empty.
It has been a long time that I stare at a point and get drowned in my thoughts for hours.
It has been a long time that I suddenly become silent in the middle of laughing.
It has been a long time that I prefer to keep my headphones in my ears rather than talking or listening to others’ words.
It has been a long time that I do not go out anymore with the thought of the sound of people talking.
It has been a long time that even music has not been enough to calm me.
It has been a long time that a feeling that I do not know what it is, chokes me.
Finally, it has been a long time that I have the wish for freedom and death

این دختر 20 ساله نیشابوری که با پسرا رابطه ارباب برده‌ای داشته دستگیر شده.
پسرا رو سگ خودش میدونسته و اونارو مجبور می‌کرده براش هاپ هاپ کنن، همچین موقع رابطه دست و پای پسرا رو می‌بسته و اونارو کتک میزده.
We live in a society where, if a woman does this, she gets arrested, but if a man does it, he’s called a "rough daddy."

Perhaps growing up wasn’t quite as sweet and delightful as we had thought; it was mostly terrifying. That terror turned my existence into a constant plea for mercy; a thousand times a day, I wished for an end and for release—but it was to no avail. Perhaps I will reach a resolution on 7/27.

Happy birthday to me
05/05/05
2026/7/27

God was silent yet again

Leave us alone.

“You handled it so well”
me at 3am:

"Are you okay?" ...What the hell is that?
What kind of stupid question is that?
No, I’m not okay.
My situation is completely fucked.
Music doesn't calm me down anymore.
I can't sleep anymore.
Writing doesn't help me make sense of my thoughts anymore.
I’m not speaking, but my brain is screaming.
But if you found out things were a total disaster, what the hell could you actually do about it?

You just make me hate talking to people even more.

When I used to see someone wanting to kill themselves in movies or books, I’d just laugh and think, What an idiot. There are so many other things they could do. Why would they choose to die like some kind of loser?

If something was taken from you, just take it back.
You don’t have to destroy yourself, idiot.

And yet… maybe I can understand it now.

Maybe they were just tired.

Exhaustion is a terrifying thing. And death can start to feel like a sweet gift—the kind of death where, afterward, I almost hope there isn’t another world waiting on the other side.

It sounds so tempting.

But for now, my family matters more to me than I do.

Otherwise, I’m tired too.
So fucking tired that nothing makes me feel better anymore.

I’m sick of the passing of time.
Life, people, thinking… all of it makes me feel nauseous.

دلم میخواد زیر نسترن بخوابم

Shame on the people of Iran.

Shame on those who saw what happened and stayed silent.
Shame on those who saw it and chose to forget.
Shame on those who cried, but did nothing.
Shame on those who knew what was happening and still did nothing.

Shame on those who turned a blind eye.
Shame on those who forgot.
Shame on those who stayed neutral.

When your country is at war, you cannot be neutral.
If you stay neutral while your own country is suffering,
you are standing against your own people.

نيروي انتظامي تهران امروز یک دختر و پسری رو توی پارک با گزارشات همسایه دستگیر کردن؛ به این علت که هر روز میومدن اینجا و دختره به پاهاش کیک میمالیده و پسره پاهاشو می‌خورده و فیلم‌های فوت فیتیش ضبط میکردن.
What a fucking shitty, asshole neighbor! Go mind your own damn business and get your head out of everyone else’s ass! People are a bunch of pathetic morons; instead of paying attention to their own miserable lives, they spend all their time—like a whore—poking their noses into other people’s affairs. You know what? You’re a whore who doesn’t even get paid for it—a free whore

AUDIO BOOK NARRATED BY MATTHEW PERRY
@FriendsLoversand

Shut your fucking mouths, bitches