We put a huge amount of trust in our phone mute buttons not to betray us.
People would go insane if they frequently fell asleep in one place and woke up in another, like infants toddlers do.
Favourite songs always sound better when they randomly play from a playlist.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do a lot better if every 100th caller won something.
The kids in Hawaii are probably getting very good at The Floor is Lava
When youโre in space, reverse cowgirl and doggy style are the same thing.
The Wizard of Oz is๏ปฟ the ultimate chick flick...two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
Itโs gonna be a pain for future generations to catch up on Marvel and Star Wars movies
waking up in the morning is much like being reborn because you go from being all warm and its quiet and dark to suddenly being cold and its bright and loud and you're crying
A good slogan for the World Health Organisation would be: WHO cares.
People in third world countries must think itโs ridiculous that we fill massive pits with water and add chemicals so that itโs undrinkable just so we can swim
The people most equipped to survive the apocalypse are the people we wouldn't want repopulating the planet if the apocalypse were to occur
If Batman just killed all the villains the first time he beat them, a lot of innocent people would still be alive.
You know you're home when you can walk to the bathroom in the dark.
Really clever people tend to not make anyone feel inferior in their presence
There is a mental warfare in deciding whether to stay up later and suffer the consequences tomorrow, or to go to bed earlier and have tomorrow come sooner
Rednecks make fun of hippy tie-dye, but camo is just the tie-dye of rednecks.
George Washington died in 1799 and the bike was invented in 1817. Not only did he not know of the existence of dinosaurs, but he didn't live to see a bike.
If a dozen state leaders and CEO's children suddenly caught HIV, we'd probably get a cure in a few years.