Maybe adults aren’t afraid of monsters under the bed anymore because we know that if we get eaten by one we won’t have to go to work the next day.
The fact that we can accidentally bite the insides of our cheeks has to be the biggest design flaw of the human body.
If you ever get frustrated when your parents ask you for help with navigating a tiny futuristic computer that fits in their pocket, just remember that at one point in your life, they taught you how to use a spoon and how to wipe your ass.
The 50's glorified Mars as a planet inhabited by alien robots. It is currently inhabited by alien robots.
A true test of someone’s character is denying them what they want, and seeing how they deal with that.
Adults would go totally crazy if they were expected to share their possessions the same way children are
If we build robots to look like humans, people will say they need special rights. If we build them to look like washing machines, no one will care.
Thinking of a better argument after the conflict has already resolved must be even harder to swallow for lawyers
The LionKing song "Can't wait to be king" is basically saying "Can't wait until father dies"
We get angry when our pets get in our way/step on the laptop/make noise at night, but frequently pick them up when they are resting, carry them around, startle them with various noises and talk loudly in childish voices around them.
Superheroes wear masks to hide their identity except the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, for whom the masks do the opposite.
The phrase "drugs and alcohol" is kind of like saying "fruit and watermelon"
When BMW builds a self driving car, it will still not use a blinker and will still cut off other cars.
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird shit.
23andme is offering a Father's Day discount. This is going to go very, very badly for some people.
Being in sweaty clothes isn't fun, but getting into sweaty clothes is downright awful
It is possible, that in a galaxy far away, aliens are already celebrating having destroyed our planet with a long-distance laser-gun
In the Cars universe, the titanic was a living boat, who’s internal organs filled with water, then snapped in half, then drowned, and now the carcass is lying on the ocean floor.
tortillas are basically just edible envelopes you use to mail food to your stomach