It would have been really funny if after all of Thanos' hard work, he realized that he didn't know how to actually snap his fingers.

All meat is just highly processed vegetables.

Your dog probably has a favourite outfit that you wear

Walking with a child is like escorting an NPC: he always walks too fast or too slow and you keep bumping into him.

Maybe there are fleas that think dogs are flat.

It's such a dick move when your brain makes you dream about waking up.

Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday. Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 mimutes then leaves

We squint at the sun because it is bright. We squint at people because they are not.

We learn from history that we do not learn from history

Your whole life has led up to this moment

Heavy people have a higher alcohol tolerance than lighter people and that's for the best. It's much easier to carry a passed out skinny person than an overweight one.

The most annoying thing about the apocalypse would be all of the smoke detectors going off due to nobody changing the batteries.

If cats weren’t so cute, no-one would put up with their bullshit

Every line in Finland is a Finnish line.

“They started it” is not an acceptable excuse for a child fighting with a sibling, but it is an acceptable excuse for one country fighting a war with another country.

It would be weird if a human yelled out "Anyone wanna fuck?" but birds do it all day and nobody cares.

The worst feeling in the world is when you finally find someone who shares your specific, uncommon interest and your personalities aren’t compatible at all.

Plugging your phone into a shitty charger is kind of like Schrödinger’s cat. You want to check to see if it’s charging but you are worried that if you touch the phone it might stop charging.

Usually, the uglier the laugh, the more genuine it is.

Whips are just boneless swords.

Gravity is kind of beautiful. Two things are brought together simply because they exist.