Allergies are like a conspiracy theory where your body believes the air is trying to poison it
Maybe the Lost Island of Atlantis was just an olden day cartographer protecting their intellectual property by inserting a fake island on to a map and it went viral.
If you step on a bug you might be ending a successful line of reproduction that goes back for hundreds of millions of years without a second thought
You’ve been shouted and sworn at hundreds of times while driving, and you don’t know when.
Blue raspberry flavoring for candy is very popular despite blue raspberries not actually existing.
There is ZERO physical evidence that today is Tuesday. We’re all kinda relying on the fact that somebody has kept an accurate count since the first one ever.
You know your socially awkward when you become proud of yourself for just saying what you wanted to say.
Shirts are wild. You put your body into one hole and it comes out of three.
If another man/woman is able to steal your significant other away from you, they probably did you a favor.
It'd make more sense if the number 3 had the value of the number 4, because 3 looks like the half of 8.
At an all-you-can-eat buffet, marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug.
Saying your heart is responsible for love and emotions is just the brain's way of being able to blame another organ if things go wrong.
Sites forcing users to disable adblock is a great way to ensure that users wont want to return.
Everyone thinks they'd be great at punching someone until they actual punch someone. And then it's too late.
You're not afraid of being alone in the woods, you're afraid of NOT being alone in the woods
There's a sense of relief when you find out that someone is an asshole in general and not just towards you.