Witches have black cats because if they had white cats they would have white cat hair all over their clothes.
If 99% people find you unattractive then 75,000,000 on Earth people still find you attractive
A railroad is basically a rollercoaster that gave up on his dreams and got a real job.
People who do not vaccinate their children because they are worried they'll get autism, would rather their children die than get autism.
The titanic movie is like someone making a romance movie about 9/11 in a hundred years
Blowing a seal can get you fired from your job as a mechanic or a zookeeper.
No disappointment is greater than trying something new on the menu instead of your go-to dish and being let down.
Guinness World Records turned out to be a much smaller part of adulthood than what you thought as a kid
The most unbelievable part of Futurama is that Fry had a bank account from 1999 that kept up with inflation.
We judge other people by their actions but judge ourselves by our intentions.
The human body is 70% water, so we’re basically cucumbers with anxiety.
If Apple claims that the odds of a random person other than you unlocking your phone with Face ID is "1 in 1,000,000", then there are approximately 7,462 people who could theoretically unlock your phone. Thanks apple.
Seeing a [deleted] comment is like arriving late to a party that the police had to break up
When you think about it... Dads don't make dad jokes because they're punny or embarrassing. They make them because 5yo you would find them hilarious.
Dog lifespan is correlated with their size. Projecting this correlation, Clifford the big red dog would have only lived about 45 minutes.
When someone copies another person they are asked "would you jump off a bridge if they did that?" But they are only saying that because other people say that.
It's weird that balls are associated with being tough when they're one of the most pain sensitive parts of the body.