Maybe the aliens are waiting for us to go one full day without killing a member of our own species before making contact. It's gonna be a while.

Starting porn videos with 5 seconds of music is the best way to remind you that your volume is turned up

Humans are a really good example of how dangerous an invasive species is for the local environment

At school nobody wants to sit alone at lunch. At a workplace being able to eat lunch alone and undisturbed is considered a luxury.

If the sun creates energy via nuclear fusion, than anything solar powered is actually nuclear powered.

Men use money to attract women then complain about gold diggers. Women use their body to attract men then hate being seen as sex objects.

Martin Luther King Jr and Anne Frank were born the same year but are always perceived as two completely different ages.

If you're famous, you can't be an extra in a movie. You can only have cameos.

Good Burger established "dude" as a gender neutral pronoun over 2 decades ago.

Our lives would be much better if Professor Oak stopped us every time we're about to make a bad decision. Wanna get in your car after a night of heavy drinking? -Oak:“Now is not the time to use that!“

So Boba Fett is getting a film. Eventually the Stormtrooper who hit his head on the doorway will get his own stand alone Star Wars film.

Using solar panels to power an air conditioning unit is like using the Sun's power against itself.

Witches have black cats because if they had white cats they would have white cat hair all over their clothes.

If 99% people find you unattractive then 75,000,000 on Earth people still find you attractive

Getting tailed by a cop is like getting a pop quiz on driving.

A railroad is basically a rollercoaster that gave up on his dreams and got a real job.

People who do not vaccinate their children because they are worried they'll get autism, would rather their children die than get autism.

The titanic movie is like someone making a romance movie about 9/11 in a hundred years

Blowing a seal can get you fired from your job as a mechanic or a zookeeper.

No disappointment is greater than trying something new on the menu instead of your go-to dish and being let down.

Guinness World Records turned out to be a much smaller part of adulthood than what you thought as a kid