If karma was real then a lot of rich people wouldn't be rich.

Reading is just looking at patches of ink and hallucinating

If you think about it, encouraging or pressuring children to say the Pledge of Allegiance every day in school is really eerie.

Voldemort broke his nose because he may have ran into the wrong wall at the station

If dicks were on our chests, where women could see, and they were constantly erect, women would be looking at them all the time, too.

Being a child prodigy is like starting an RPG and putting all your starting points into a single stat.

If you eat the same thing for breakfast every day, you have a routine. If you eat the same thing for dinner every day, you're lazy and "out of ideas".

If the Matrix is real, they must have been really nervous when we made a movie about it

Shout out to all the Ice Cream Truck Drivers listening to the same 8-bit tunes, dealing with children, and driving around in a beat up van in the heat of the summer.

Helen Keller was immune to flash bangs

Maybe the aliens are waiting for us to go one full day without killing a member of our own species before making contact. It's gonna be a while.

Starting porn videos with 5 seconds of music is the best way to remind you that your volume is turned up

Humans are a really good example of how dangerous an invasive species is for the local environment

At school nobody wants to sit alone at lunch. At a workplace being able to eat lunch alone and undisturbed is considered a luxury.

If the sun creates energy via nuclear fusion, than anything solar powered is actually nuclear powered.

Men use money to attract women then complain about gold diggers. Women use their body to attract men then hate being seen as sex objects.

Martin Luther King Jr and Anne Frank were born the same year but are always perceived as two completely different ages.

If you're famous, you can't be an extra in a movie. You can only have cameos.

Good Burger established "dude" as a gender neutral pronoun over 2 decades ago.

Our lives would be much better if Professor Oak stopped us every time we're about to make a bad decision. Wanna get in your car after a night of heavy drinking? -Oak:“Now is not the time to use that!“

So Boba Fett is getting a film. Eventually the Stormtrooper who hit his head on the doorway will get his own stand alone Star Wars film.