You know your life is dull when your going to sleep because your to bored being awake

It's an atmosphere not an atmosflat.

Sleeping Beauty must have been terrified the first time she went back to sleep.

Of course Uncle Scar pushed Mufasa off the cliff edge; he's a cat.

Food being real is now considered selling point rather than being a given.

If you're your own friend, every decision you make will come from peer pressure

People talk about how unrealistic Disney Princesses bodies are, but nobody ever mentions how the Princes are always toned and muscular.

Demanding respect because you're older is a form of participation trophy.

If humans reproduced like plants, Men would roam naked, then bees would jerk them off and transport the sperm to the females

Somebody should invent an app that u input ingredients in your home and comes back with a variety of meals you can cook with them.

One upside of having bad memory is that you can watch your favourite shows all over again.

You know when your food is bad if even the dog who normally eats anything won't even touch it

The most depressing thing about getting older is seeing all the heroes of your youth die, and be replaced by younger, more accomplished people than you.

Everyone takes being healthy for granted until they are sick, but once they are healthy again they take it for granted. So sickness it really just a way to get us to value being healthy

Reading a book under a tree seems nice to us, but for a tree it's taunting them with the shredded flesh of their family.

Kids these days will never know the struggle of only being able to store 200 text messages on your phone.

Life would be very different if people had to renew their marriage licenses like they do their drivers licenses.

You know you are in a wealthy area when hearing a car alarm makes you think "some idiot accidentally set off their car alarm" instead of "someone is being robbed"

Scuba diving is equivalent to travelling to another dimension where you can fly, and there are aliens fucking everywhere.

It must be a rare delight for 2 left handed people to shake with their dominant hands

When the robots inevitably take over, we will have to communicate in Captchas to plan our revolt