Somewhere someone on this earth needs a person just like you in their life, and they’re always wishing for you to show up
Being a young person today is like joining a game of Monopoly 10 turns in
When you’re a kid you look forward to summer because there’s no school. When you’re grown up you look forward to summer because there’s no school and the work commute isn’t as bad.
To insects, humans are literally Lovecraftian Old Ones. We're older than their recorded history, our motives are totally unknowable for them, we take no notice of their little lives, and we can destroy them whenever we want. The only thing that keeps us from being full Cthulhu is malaria.
There are a fixed number of people older than you, and it shrinks every day.
As self driving cars become more the norm, the idea that a friend or family member may arrive dead at your house will be a reality
There’s a chance that two strangers that insulted each other on the internet met in real life without knowing it and thought that person was nice.
Dorothy must have been depressed after spending time in the colorful and wonderful Land of Oz only to get teleported back to fucking dusty ass, sepia tone Kansas
Once you become the oldest living human, you are guaranteed to keep that title for the rest of your life.
The best way to keep a population divided on an issue is to keep that issue controversial to talk about. If you can't even talk about it there's no way your going to be able to solve the problem.
The whole salad dressing industry exists because people really just don't like the taste of salad.
Society would be quite different if there was a timer over everyone's head indicating how long it's been since they last masturbated.
If your eyes glowed due to a superpower it would be extremely annoying at nighttime with bugs constantly divebombing your eyes.
Winnie the Pooh made eating honey with your hands straight from the jar look better than it really is.