It would be great if spaceflight became cheap enough to send all the flat-earthers up there.

PornHub’s website has a black background so it doesn’t hurt people’s eyes, since most people use the website at night.

If you ever think you're a bad parent just remember that Adam and Eve's oldest grew up to invent murder.

For 99.99% (estimating) of humanity's existence, the earth will fall into one of two states: everyone on the planet grew up with the internet, or everyone on the planet grew up without the internet. We are alive in the small sliver of time where members from both groups occupy the planet at once.

Once cars are automatic every dad will love asking who’s gonna drive

The leaning tower of Pisa is in Italy... it’s italicized

Going to the cinema alone is often seen as very odd but it’s actually one of the most appropriate activities to do solo.

The worst thing about locking yourself out of your house is seeing how easily the locksmith breaks in.

JD Salinger stormed the beaches of Normandy with an unfinished manuscript of Catcher in the Rye in his knapsack. He survived the war and finished the novel. Someone could have died that day on the beach who had an even greater accomplishment brewing but we will never know.

If you think you ever fucked up bad, just remember somewhere an ant brought borax laced food to the colony killing the queen and the colony

If there was a sorry horn to use from your car when you accidentally cut someone off, it would prevent a lot of road rage.

Teachers are in school from age 5 until they retire.

When you live in an apartment building you are relying on dozens of other people to not burn down your house.

Apple probably made Siri stupid and useless on purpose so we’re not worried that she’s recording everything we say 24/7.

They say you can't put a price tag on knowledge, but they then put knowledge in books and sell it to students for way too much money.

In a sexual situation, both "you're so good" and "you're so bad" are perfectly valid compliments.

The worst fetish would be an attraction to your own flaccid penis.

If you found the perfect hiding spot, you did not find the perfect hiding spot.

Your car keys travel more than your actual car.

The old you was actually younger.

It's amazing how people will spend an extra five minutes circling or waiting for a parking space in order to avoid an extra 30 seconds of walking.