A shark biting a human, thinking it's a seal, must be like a human biting a Skittle, thinking it's an M&M.
It's actually an honor to get stung by a bee. It hates you so much, that it's willing to die just to cause you a mild amount of pain.
The moment that you read this has been in the future for billions of years, and now it'll be in the past for the rest of time.
The most unrealistic thing about sex scenes in movies is that no one ever has to take a pee first.
If you can’t afford a condom, than you really can’t afford NOT to have a condom.
The Invisible Man could have a perfectly happy, ordinary relationship with a blind person.
When you buy clothes with logos on them you are paying the company so that you can advertise for them
It must be infuriating to lose 10 friends in Santa Fe, and see the 24/7 coverage of the royal wedding on the news.
“Yanny or laurel” probably would have been a way to discern witches 400 years ago.
It would be great if spaceflight became cheap enough to send all the flat-earthers up there.
PornHub’s website has a black background so it doesn’t hurt people’s eyes, since most people use the website at night.
If you ever think you're a bad parent just remember that Adam and Eve's oldest grew up to invent murder.
For 99.99% (estimating) of humanity's existence, the earth will fall into one of two states: everyone on the planet grew up with the internet, or everyone on the planet grew up without the internet. We are alive in the small sliver of time where members from both groups occupy the planet at once.
Going to the cinema alone is often seen as very odd but it’s actually one of the most appropriate activities to do solo.
The worst thing about locking yourself out of your house is seeing how easily the locksmith breaks in.
JD Salinger stormed the beaches of Normandy with an unfinished manuscript of Catcher in the Rye in his knapsack. He survived the war and finished the novel. Someone could have died that day on the beach who had an even greater accomplishment brewing but we will never know.