Standing awkwardly while people sing you Happy Birthday once a year, is a little glimpse of what its like for queen of England on an almost daily basis
Forwarded from Bereket Terefe
From a vampire's point of view, 'The sun will come out tomorrow' is probably a really gloomy song.
If you’re a child, “you’re too young to have mental health problems.” If you’re an adult “you’re too old for this.”
All countries may have had ninjas but the Japanese ninjas were the worst because they were the only ones ever seen.
Forwarded from Deleted Account
Great Britain spent thousands and thousands of dollars for the royal wedding in turn attracting tourists from around the world is a good example of 'you gotta spend money to make money'
A rap battle is just two men writing poetry about how strongly they feel about one another.
Babies weight around 8 pounds when they’re born, and around 20 pounds a year later. Having consumed mostly milk. Those babies took milk and turned it into 12 pounds of flesh, bone, and brain. Babies are fucking made of milk.
Sleeping on a car ride is basically just like fast travelling in a video game.
"Good night, don't let the bedbugs bite" is a terrible thing to say to a guest staying at your house
The Internet came out 30 years ago, but if it went down we would be set back 100 years.
A shark biting a human, thinking it's a seal, must be like a human biting a Skittle, thinking it's an M&M.
It's actually an honor to get stung by a bee. It hates you so much, that it's willing to die just to cause you a mild amount of pain.
The moment that you read this has been in the future for billions of years, and now it'll be in the past for the rest of time.
The most unrealistic thing about sex scenes in movies is that no one ever has to take a pee first.
If you can’t afford a condom, than you really can’t afford NOT to have a condom.
The Invisible Man could have a perfectly happy, ordinary relationship with a blind person.
When you buy clothes with logos on them you are paying the company so that you can advertise for them