Shower Thoughts 🚿
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Germany has been fragmented for most of history, lost both World Wars, been split in twain for half a century, and yet has become a sign of quality, became one of the most powerful European nations, and has an astounding national football team.
A statue's dick can be both limp and hard.
Whether you like him or not, Ed Sheeran is proof that you can still get famous from talent alone.
When a watch dies, it records its own time of death
You never realise how boring you are until someone asks you what you do for fun.
People who run out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time must really have their shit together
"Six ton monster with spikes and a giant tentacle growing out of its face" sounds way creepier than elephants actually are.
Home is where it smells like nothing.
Making high schoolers sign an agreement not to talk about a test after it’s been administered makes them 200x more likely to discuss it after the test and make memes about it.
Nudes are collector’s edition photos of people.
Watching a graduation ceremony is like sitting through a movie thats entirely end credits
Deadpool is the perfect replacement for Stan Lee as the go-to cameo guy once the latter passes away.
If a vacuum doesnt suck, it sucks. But if it sucks, it doesn't suck.
Procrastinators are able to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in the 30 minutes
If suicidal people were allowed to donate all their organs and be put down, they would be seen as heroes and die happy.
You don't realize how much you swallow your saliva until you have strep throat
Surveys only reflect the opinion of the kind of people that take surveys.
Minty is just cold spicy
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In 2018 more students have died in US schools than US soldiers in Afghanistan.
Protect yourself from Sasquatch attack by carrying a camera.
Smokers get extra breaks from work but the time is taken from their lives instead