The only thing worse than looking over and seeing a spider, is looking over again a moment later and not seeing that spider.
Smarter people are more depressed because they see how the world really is, not what it is made out to be.
Somewhere someone is slaving over the PS5 logo and how to distinguish the 5 from the S tastefully
Instead of always trying (failing?) to make chips taste like something in real life, why not just do “science flavour”. Just let the food scientists go nuts and make the thing that tastes the best, without worrying about what it tastes like In the real world
Intentionally trying to lose a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 rather than at age 6.
In Marvel superhero movies, aliens speak mostly standard English while Wakandans speak with a heavy accent
Because of inflation, every year minimum wage stays the same is actually another year minimum wage decreases.
You're not good at an online game until someone falsely accuses you of cheating.
Germany has been fragmented for most of history, lost both World Wars, been split in twain for half a century, and yet has become a sign of quality, became one of the most powerful European nations, and has an astounding national football team.
Whether you like him or not, Ed Sheeran is proof that you can still get famous from talent alone.
You never realise how boring you are until someone asks you what you do for fun.
People who run out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time must really have their shit together
"Six ton monster with spikes and a giant tentacle growing out of its face" sounds way creepier than elephants actually are.
Making high schoolers sign an agreement not to talk about a test after it’s been administered makes them 200x more likely to discuss it after the test and make memes about it.
Watching a graduation ceremony is like sitting through a movie thats entirely end credits
Deadpool is the perfect replacement for Stan Lee as the go-to cameo guy once the latter passes away.