Accents are just voice fonts

A brick is just a domesticated rock.

You know you're getting old when people stop laughing when you fall down and are instead worried.

Slowing inching your way forward at a red light is the adult equivalent of trying to leave class seconds before the bell rings

The ideal place to be in a zombie apocalypse would be Japan, where over 99% of their dead are cremated.

Logan Paul could have been that man’s murderer and nobody would have suspected him.

Mumble rappers these days are the same people that struggled to read a paragraph out loud in 10th grade.

A lot of people that park like an asshole aren’t actually assholes, they just parked next to an asshole who then left

The only way to hide a meaningless tatoo is to have several meaningless tatoos

Nowadays phones are getting smarter and people dummer

Staying up late for no reason is like procrastinating for the next day

If a 3-dimensional object (like a human) makes a 2-dimensional shadow, then a 4-dimensional object makes a 3-dimensional shadow.

It's 2018 and they still haven't invented an undo for elevator buttons.

There's only one sunset, and it's been going around the earth for billions of years.

Furries are appropriating animal culture.

To a rock-eating monster, wet concrete would be their cookie dough

Trying to ignore some people is like trying to ignore the English subtitle of an english movie

No one stops to appreciate that the 2 main food seasonings are basically a vegetable and a rock

The entire universe, including you and all of your memories, could have popped up five seconds ago and you would have no way of knowing.

Despacito is the new Rick roll, but worse

Really simple paintings like plain white canvases that sell for millions of dollars could probably just be the mafia discretely transferring money.