Falling back asleep is easiest when it’s time to get up.

Ancestry.com now has a feature that connects you to your unknown living relatives; it's an anti-Tinder - these are all the people you CAN'T date.

ATM fees are like buying your own money

The Lion King is a magical story about a Dictator who assassinated another Dictator and then got usurped by the Dictator's son in a coup.

More people think the Earth is flat in 2018 than in 1492.

If the number of people buying music albums keeps decreasing, Michael Jackson's "Thriller" will be the best selling album of altime forever.

If we could see air, we couldn't see anything.

There are people who believe the moon landing wasn’t remotely possible but also believe we recovered a space-craft and aliens 22 years prior in Roswell

Instagram sounds more like a Drug Dealer’s app.

Your thumbs have probably scrolled a distance of several miles on your phone.

Being asexual is very depressing from an evolutionary standpoint. It's the "you had one job" of the natural world.

The only "hangover cure" that actually works is being under 30

We live in a world where lemonade is made with artificial flavors, but furniture polish is made with real lemons.

In a Space Station, doggy and reverse cowgirl have no difference

It is weird how the same people who once played a main or side character in your life can suddenly become mere surprise guests.

The only thing that makes being human tolerable is going into a dark room, curling up into fetal position, and being unconscious for 8 hours a day.

Charities are all working towards a world in which they don’t exist

The only people who think a car playing loud music is cool are the people in the car.

No matter how ‘futuristic’ the future becomes, by the time we actually get there it will seem mundane.

If two mind readers read each others minds, they'd each just be thinking.

Millennials need to take a brief break from killing restaurants and find a way to kill junk mail.