If you are a recovering alcoholic who doesn't drink, you are admired. If you choose not to drink because you don't like to, people think you are weird.

Those popups that say "please turn off adblock" make people wish for an even more efficient adblock.

Every second you live 7 billion people have just spent one second without giving a fuck about you - that is 221 years of not giving a fuck about you

A nice cold drink and an ice cold drink is the same sentence with the space in different places

Thanos could have easily made more resources for the universe using the gauntlet instead of eliminating half the population.

If society picked new people to name things after every fifty years, a lot more people would have a chance at being remembered.

Doing nothing all day seems nice until you've actually done nothing all day and then wish you had.

Kids put on make-up to look like grown ups, while grown ups go through plastic surgery to look young.

Hyphenated does not have a hyphen, but non-hyphenated does.

History would be the most interesting subject in school if they taught just how raunchy, and violent, History really is. Imagine a new episode of Game of Thrones every time you went to class.

The way the Marvel movie-verse went from a collection of independent stories to a sprawling franchise of crossovers that demands newcomers sit through a complicated backlog kind of mirrors comics as a whole perfectly.

All of the best skipping rocks are in the middle of the lake

If The Room had been an animated film, the characters probably would have been stuck in t-pose the whole film

North Korea is being way too cool lately. It’s got to be some kind of trap...

The first time people saw Earth from space must've been impressed with how accurate cartographers were.

Back in elementary school we were told we wouldn't have calculators in our back pockets all the time to solve our problems without arithmetic, but now we do.

If Spongebob can set fire under water then we can pass our exams

"G" is just an arrow going in round

Bones healing stronger after they break is like when your mom does a double knot when trying your shoes. Your body is like "there. Because you're a clumsy fuck."

If you were born on June 9th, 2000, you’ll be 69 on 6/9/69.

Karma is only a b*tch if you are.