Forwarded from Deleted Account
If you wait for a waiter, doesn’t that make you a waiter?
People never fully appreciate the fact that phone screens keep moving after you scroll, as if it has inertia.
Making fun of an overweight person at the gym is like laughing at an alcoholic for refusing a drink
One of the best feelings as a kid is to wake up knowing school is canceled
As a kid, the thought of living in a huge house was magical. As an adult, the thought of living in a huge house causes anxiety about the cleaning required.
The internet isn't full of stupid people. The WORLD is. The internet is just the proof.
Forwarded from Hewan
Reading a book under a tree is basically holding a dead mutilated tree under an alive one.
We heavily question the damage that is done from marijuana use to an adolescent’s brain, but then romanticize a sport where they run head first into each other and act surprised that it “may” cause damage to the brain.
Gambling addiction hotlines would probably get more traffic if every 8th caller won a cash prize
Using wormholes to travel in space would be the equivalent of a stick figure learning to do origami to travel across a piece of paper
When you see the characters in a movie using Bing, you know that its a paid ad by Microsoft. But if you see them using Google, you don't even think twice about it.
Now is the best time for a kid to break their arm, because they can draw up their cast to look like the Infinity Gauntlet.
You can weigh yourself before and after your morning shit. The difference determines how full of shit you are.
An "Under New Management" sign is really just a polite way of saying "Those Assholes Are Gone".
Somewhere in the world is a toilet that has been pooped in more than any other toilet in the world.