Forwarded from Deleted Account
The upside of amnesia is you get to experience your favorite movies all over again
You're doing pretty well in life if you have beach towels that aren't also your bath towels
An infinite number of $1 bills and an infinite number of $20 would be worth the same.
Somewhere, there's a person who recalls something brave or wise that you said or did and thinks of you as someone who really has their shit together.
Forwarded from Fatass Yoshi
Satisfaction is being at a left turn light, and seeing the car's blinker in front of you synchronize with yours.
Adam and Eve allegedly got us booted from nature by biting an apple. Now public spaces are filled with people in unnatural trances staring at their devices. Most devices are branded with a bitten Apple.
In Harry Potter, they can regrow Harry’s bones overnight in a school hospital, yet they can’t solve his eyesight issues, which can be done with science today
We used to say "brb" when we were online. We don't say that anymore. We no longer leave, we're always online.
By law our cars have to be road worthy, but the roads don’t have to be car worthy
If spiders swung around on webs like Spider-Man they'd be 100x more terrifying.
Forwarded from Yoseph
Since ant-man shrinks with the same mass shouldn't he be a lot denser therefore breaking surfaces he moves on?
Once you hit a certain age, life is pretty much a list of chores you keep repeating till you die
It's a lot more acceptable to accidentally touch a dog's dick than a human's. But its a lot less acceptable to intentionally touch a dog's dick than a humans.
Tell people you walked five miles for exercise and they congratulate you. Tell people you walked five miles to the store and they pity you.
Somewhere out there is a person who is pretty sure they are the one who gave AIDS to Magic Johnson.
Forwarded from Hélio G.
On a side-note: if you get amnesia and forget part of your personality, are your favorite movies still going to be your favorite movies?
When someone says they were in an abusive relationship, everyone assumes they were the abused one.
Since about 100 people die every minute, if humanity ever finds the key to immortality, hundreds of people will miss it by mere minutes