There is a chance you played a role in someone’s sexual masturbation fantasy.
The fact that news stations have to blow small things out of proportions just to write a story is a good sign that the world isn’t going to hell.
It's unfair that lefties are forced to live in a righty world, but you don't see them making an ass of themselves on the internet or making protests about it.
If domesticated farm animals like sheep and cows can't survive in the wild anymore, then people who eat meat are preventing their extinction
Everyone knows what elevator music is but no elevators seem to play music.
Most of our history is not based on facts, but the perceptions of people who recorded it.
If nobody believes you when you say you don't want kids, just tell them you're an anti-vaxxer and they'll likely decide you shouldn't have kids & leave you alone.
Forwarded from Deleted Account
The upside of amnesia is you get to experience your favorite movies all over again
You're doing pretty well in life if you have beach towels that aren't also your bath towels
An infinite number of $1 bills and an infinite number of $20 would be worth the same.
Somewhere, there's a person who recalls something brave or wise that you said or did and thinks of you as someone who really has their shit together.
Forwarded from Fatass Yoshi
Satisfaction is being at a left turn light, and seeing the car's blinker in front of you synchronize with yours.
Adam and Eve allegedly got us booted from nature by biting an apple. Now public spaces are filled with people in unnatural trances staring at their devices. Most devices are branded with a bitten Apple.
In Harry Potter, they can regrow Harry’s bones overnight in a school hospital, yet they can’t solve his eyesight issues, which can be done with science today
We used to say "brb" when we were online. We don't say that anymore. We no longer leave, we're always online.
By law our cars have to be road worthy, but the roads don’t have to be car worthy
If spiders swung around on webs like Spider-Man they'd be 100x more terrifying.
Forwarded from Yoseph
Since ant-man shrinks with the same mass shouldn't he be a lot denser therefore breaking surfaces he moves on?
Once you hit a certain age, life is pretty much a list of chores you keep repeating till you die