Counting from 1 to 10 seems take longer than counting from 10 to 1

Nothing is worse then putting on a fresh pair of socks and stepping in a puddle

Michael B. Jordan's dad's name is Micheal A. Jordan

Swimming in a pool is basically digging a hole filling it in water then spend hours trying not to drown in it.

Maybe Squidward would be better at clarinet if SpongeBob would stop interrupting him Everytime he practices.

There is a chance you played a role in someone’s sexual masturbation fantasy.

The fact that news stations have to blow small things out of proportions just to write a story is a good sign that the world isn’t going to hell.

It's unfair that lefties are forced to live in a righty world, but you don't see them making an ass of themselves on the internet or making protests about it.

If domesticated farm animals like sheep and cows can't survive in the wild anymore, then people who eat meat are preventing their extinction

Everyone knows what elevator music is but no elevators seem to play music.

Most of our history is not based on facts, but the perceptions of people who recorded it.

If nobody believes you when you say you don't want kids, just tell them you're an anti-vaxxer and they'll likely decide you shouldn't have kids & leave you alone.

Why aren't there lowercase numbers?

The upside of amnesia is you get to experience your favorite movies all over again

You're doing pretty well in life if you have beach towels that aren't also your bath towels

An infinite number of $1 bills and an infinite number of $20 would be worth the same.

Somewhere, there's a person who recalls something brave or wise that you said or did and thinks of you as someone who really has their shit together.

Satisfaction is being at a left turn light, and seeing the car's blinker in front of you synchronize with yours.

Adam and Eve allegedly got us booted from nature by biting an apple. Now public spaces are filled with people in unnatural trances staring at their devices. Most devices are branded with a bitten Apple.

In Harry Potter, they can regrow Harry’s bones overnight in a school hospital, yet they can’t solve his eyesight issues, which can be done with science today

We used to say "brb" when we were online. We don't say that anymore. We no longer leave, we're always online.