If they'd just print the directions on the sauce packet, we wouldn't have to throw away the Mac & Cheese box four times.
One day sex robots are going to be so advanced they might just start fucking each other and not humans
Aging is the continual process of realizing what an idiot you were a few years ago.
Imagine being naked in a room with people speaking different language and they all want to touch you. Thats the life of a dog
depression is like playing the same level of a game over and over but never beating it
A roller coaster camera manages to get a high quality photo of you speeding past but security cameras still only get a blurry shot of robber standing still
The bathrooms in the Star Wars universe must have to be very versatile to work for all the species.
A lot of jobs in the IT field could basically be retitled to 'Professional Googler'
Neurosurgeons are hardware engineers and Psychiatrists are software engineers of the human brain.
As a child you’re told to think outside the box but as an adult, you’re automatically crazy for thinking outside the box.
Humans finding the key to immortality would be like the Earth getting cancer - cells that live forever and don't stop multiplying.
If somebody has a mess but knows where everything is, they're not messy, they're organized, they just don't conform to your definition of organized.
Some ATM's charge you $2 for cash withdrawals then have the audacity to tell you to cover your pin to prevent getting robbed
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If you decide to not have children, you’re the 1st one in a line of ancestors going back 4billion years that chose not to.
Because the Earth is round, running away from something is also running towards it from reeeaaally far away.