Nothing says "It's really quiet", like listening to the bubbles tinking in a soda can
Wouldn't it be cool if you could roll over sleep time? Like if you slept 12 hours one night you'd only have to sleep 4 hours the next night.
If the wizards in Harry Potter really wanted they could create a society with unlimited food, space and energy that could vastly improve Humanity as a whole, instead they just hide like assholes.
The most ignored warning for a product is probably the Q-tip “do not stick in ear canal”
If you’re not supposed to do something while pregnant (smoke, drink, caffeine, sit or stand for extended period of time, eat raw meats) then it probably isn’t very healthy for you even when you’re not pregnant.
Forwarded from Reuben
"yea" is a typo of "yes" that just got accepted.
There is a alternative universe where every coin toss in history was Heads and the scients can't explain why.
Forwarded from Deleted Account
Anxiety is like perpetually hearing the Boss/Enemy music but never seeing the Threat.
It’s a good thing farts aren’t contagious like yawning is. That would be terrible for everybody,
Dogs can't sweat, they pant So if a dog were to wear sweat pants, they'd be pant pants
Maybe actually plants are the ones farming humans, growing us with oxygen until we die and then being absorbed by them when we are buried.
Paper towel in a microwave is to aluminum foil in an oven as aluminum foil in a microwave is to paper towel in an oven.
The people who take advantage of nice people are the first ones to question them when they are no longer nice.
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Millions of innocent cats have been held up in the air because of Lion King.
Dogs protect humans from other humans. Humans protect dogs from other dogs.
If they'd just print the directions on the sauce packet, we wouldn't have to throw away the Mac & Cheese box four times.